Change is in the air...

there's a change coming... can you feel it?



i know fall will be here soon... it has to be... even though our local temps are supposed to spend the week in the mid 90's.

there are other changes too... another test tomorrow which may reveal some answers... hopefully...

then by the end of the week a really big change. i am not ready to share what it is yet, but i will... this year has been so full of change. through it all i've tried to remember this word ...sometimes with more success than other times...

i'm looking forward to the cooler weather...hopefully i'll be able to get out in the garden a bit when the weather turns, getting it ready for it's winter sleep. i don't plan to plant anything for fall, but rather get as much ready so i can plant in the spring. i still need to pull up the little white fencing i had placed around it to keep the beast out of the garden. i went out friday around dusk to see if there was any to be harvested and ended up getting my foot caught in the between space of the posts and fell pretty hard. nothing broken, thank the goddess, but lots of bruises and scratches.



i'm still trying to do little things to keep my spirits up as best i can. yesterday i went to herbal class, i hadn't been in months, but it felt good to be with like-minded women and work with herbs again. this morning i put together a ginger oil. i've tried making ginger honey before, but it didn't turn out so this time i'm trying an oil and am doing it a little different. i'll let you know how it turns out in about six weeks.

i think i'm off to play in the kitchen now, i feel a need to make banana bread (don't like letting bananas go bad) and i've been ruminating on trying a peach bread. what do you think? i have a lot of peaches and i am not a cobbler fan so i thought maybe a bread? we shall see i suppose...

enjoy your day...

blessings
~*~

things i've seen lately...

blessings
~*~

the ordeal

It seems like forever since I've posted. But it's only been a few days really. I've had so much running through my mind that I wanted to post about, but have not been able to find the time or energy.

Remember that test I went for? Well... that was not fun, let me tell ya. I ended up with the positional headaches that they mentioned were a possible side effect. I spent that Saturday and Sunday lying down. On Monday morning I felt like I needed to try to make an effort to go to work and when I got up to feed the kids, there wasn't too much pain so I went ahead and went in. Within about 10 minutes of getting in the car, the pain came back and the longer I sat/stood the worse it got. After an hour at work, I called the Dr and they had me come right in for a blood patch. Basically they draw blood from your arm and then insert it into the area where they did the lumbar puncture so it can clot over the hole and my spine would quit leaking fluid. That procedure caused serious pain in my back and rear-end (pain that has yet to recede). Then I was put on bed rest for 72 hours. Fun...

Anyway, they found that I have elevated cerebral pressure in my skull. More tests (MRA and MRV) revealed that I have a vein in my skull that is narrowed and is causing the blood to not flow out as it should. They also did another brain MRI and found several of the veins in my skull are "extremely prominent". I have no idea what that means. They've now scheduled me for an angiogram at the end of the month to verify for certain that the vein has narrowed. If it has then it will be tested to see what the pressure difference is and then possibly put in a stint to keep it open. I still have lots of tests and procedures to go through but my neurologist is happy that he might have found the cause of the migraines. Of course, he is prefacing everything he says with ..."it may not change the headaches" but he's at least trying.

New meds have created red welts on my face and I've finally hit my limit of what I'll take. It's been 7 months now and not a single medicine that he's prescribed that I have ingested has been of any relief. I'm planning to speak with him tomorrow about allowing me to go off the meds completely. I'm so confused all the time. I've taken to carrying around a pad and pen so that I can write down anything I think so I don't forget to do things. I'm messing up badly at work and it is just well... too much.

Then losing my poor beastie. I'm honestly amazed that I'm still sane. Well, slightly sane I suppose! :)

I have many other ideas for posts and hopefully soon I'll be posting about something not nearly as boring as my health. :/

blessings
~*~

a quick post

I'm sorry for not being around the past week. Everything has just been overwhelming and between my health and trying to work, I'm left with little time for fun things...like blogging or even reading blogs.

I so appreciate every kind word and thought that you shared with me over the hard decision I had to make last weekend. It was absolute torture, but I know that I did the right thing for him. I still miss him like crazy and sometimes just breakdown and cry about it. I'd like to share my experience with you all but I'm not up to writing about it today. I'll be sure to post a warning at the beginning or in the title so if you don't want to read about it you won't have to. :)

I hope you are all doing well and I plan to get around to some blog reading catch up time today so will be stopping in to see you and find out how things are in your corner of the world.

blessings
~*~

time to say goodbye

i've been in tears for about the past 12 hours...i realized last night that the time has come...i have to let my beastie boy go... i can see the pain in his eyes, i watch as he stumbles and falls and spends 10 minutes just trying to stand upright and then is frozen in fear of falling again...

i can't take it anymore...he doesn't deserve to suffer so i won't make him...now all i have to do is figure out how to say goodbye in the few hours we have left together...

blessings
~*~

Giveaway Winner

Well the time has come! Time to announce the winner of my first ever giveaway. I thought and thought of what would be a good and fun way to select the winner. I thought about trying to get one of my cats to do it, but I figured they'd just eat the paper. Then I thought maybe a dart board...but I don't have one of those. :-)

Sometime during last night, the answer hit me. Tarot!! I decided to user the major arcana cards to select the winner.



I shuffled them up several times...

then spread them out as I would for a reading...



I let the energy guide me and pulled this card...



that means our winner is... thatlittlehouse!

Congratulations! The Representative from CSN will contact you soon on how to collect your prize! I hope you'll find something you can enjoy.

Thanks to all of you that entered. This was pretty fun! I already have an idea for another giveaway and will keep you posted.

blessings
~*~

Giveaway Reminder

Just a note to remind you that today is the last day to enter the CSN Stores $80 gift card giveaway. Click the link here for the details and be sure to leave your entry comment on that post.

You have until the clock strikes midnight tonight. :)

Winner will be announced sometime tomorrow.

blessings
~*~

Lughnassadh

It has be a very lovely cool and overcast day here. A day that makes me think of the coming autumn and wish even more for its arrival. I have read some lovely sentiments on many blogs about Lughnassadh or Lammas. Today has been spent mostly resting although a bit of work did creep in for several hours. I keep thinking about the things in my life that I need to remember to be grateful for and to not take advantage of them.
Do you have something you are particularly grateful for this Lughnassadh?



Brightest Lughnassadh blessings to you all...

blessings
~*~

*photo taken on Lughnassadh 2009