29 April 2018

full moon influences...

I thought I'd share some of my favorite full moon pictures I've taken over the years, on this Full Pink/Wind Moon.
I'm still not sleeping well.  Last night was a very weird one.  I went to bed early, around 12:30a, which is very early for me lately.  It was probably 1 or so before I drifted off.  Should have been a very good sleep night for me.  But...something/someone else had other ideas.  I kept jerking out of sleep, heart racing, breathe either stuttering in my chest or no breathe at all.  I am one of those people who when startled, freeze up completely.  I can't move at all, no matter how much I want.

Each time I awoke, I would listen and try to hear what disturbed me.  One time it was a sound of knuckles against my bedroom window.  The other times it was whispering in my ear, or the sound of footsteps, or feeling something brush against my exposed skin or my favorite, the creaking table. 
It seemed like every 30-45 minutes I was jerked out of sleep. So, of course, I'm exhausted today.  But sometime during the mostly sleepless night, I felt a stirring deep inside.  When I finally woke for good this morning, I was ready to start the day.  

Not like I have been lately, but like I did, before I became so ill.  I got up, planned out a few things for the day whilst showering and, after dressing, opened all the blinds in my home.  I wanted to see the sun.  So what if I have to wear my sunglasses inside all day.  Let some light, in dammit!  So...

I think the moon spoke to me last night and has given me energy all day.  (As well, as some others speaking to me)  I've done some cleaning, grocery shopping, planted a few things in my little garden, fixed and lit a full moon candle and picked a made a little flower bouquet from mine and my neighbors (she doesn't mind) garden as an offering to the moon and the spirits.  Now dinner is on the stove and I've done a little sketch.  

I feel, well, alive.  For the first time in a long time.  The pain in my head is still there and making me want to stab myself with a hot poker, but I'm so tired of letting it win.

Thank you Grandmother Moon, for giving me this push.  I hope I can make you proud.

How do you feel when the moon is full?

Thanks for stopping in for a read.
love & blessings

ps...I mentioned last post about finding a clinic to seek treatment.  Well...I contacted on in Michigan and went through all the calls/questions/etc and was rejected.  They said they thought I'd do better at a facility closer to me.  I knew when I finished talking with the nurse that they wouldn't take me.  And two days later they called to say sorry, try somewhere else.  Oh well...I've just found that CBD is legal in my state, so I'll be searching out some of that this week and I have another idea up my sleeve.  I may try another clinic.  But, I can only take so much rejection.  haha.  xoxo 

pps...I'll tell the story of the creaking table soon.  :-)

23 April 2018


Thank you for your comments on my last post.  I've always heard that getting things out/writing them down helps to work them out of our systems.  I haven't found that to be true, but it does help, reading your comments and suggestions.  It means a great deal to me when someone takes the time and energy to comment on my posts, even just to say hi.  

Last week was one of the worst pain weeks.  Just when I think the pain can't get any more intense, it shows me how very wrong I am.  At one point, I was curled up in the fetal position, in the dark of the night and still had to put my sunglasses on to break the little bit of light noise seeping in through the blinds.  I think it is time to take the suggestion of one of my doctors and contact an inpatient facility that specializes in my situation.  I haven't done it prior as I didn't think my insurance would pay for it and disability is a very small income to live on.  I suppose if I could get better and find some relief it would be worth going into debt... maybe?  We'll see...

I've found a little making time here and there over the pasts several months.  The top photo is part of a journal page I did that was inspired by last weeks meltdown.  I actually have two more pages in the wip stage, also inspired by that episode.  Lying in bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep due to the pain, I kept getting flashes of images in my head.  I found my sketchbooks and using the dimmest light I could manage (as well as my ever present dark sunglasses), I sketched out the beginnings so as not to lose the ideas.

The second photo is of my completed Tarheel Scoreboard.  The Heels didn't have a very good season, so there is not nearly enough blue to suit me.  But, I gave it to my mum and she seemed to like it.  I'm not sure if I'll do one next season or not.  I'm still working on my Steelers Scoreboard from last season.  I'm such a slow knitter.  

The last two photos are watercolors.  I was inspired to try a new technique after watching artist videos on instagram.  (although I can't remember the artist right now)  These were made last month I think.  

Well, that is all for now I suppose.  Even with sunglasses the light from the screen is too much and is causing increasing pain.  Time to rest for a bit.

What have you been making lately?

Thanks for stopping in.
love & blessings