25 September 2013
(Tonight I'm joining Jamie for Wishcasting Wednesday. This weeks prompt is: What Sign from the Universe Do You Wish For?)
I find it to be very interesting that this is today's prompt and that I saw the post before the day was over. There has been so much change going on around and in me lately that I have been wondering what exactly the universe is trying to tell me. If you've been with me for a while you'll know that I deal with a couple of invisible chronic illnesses every minute of every day. And that each day has been getting harder and harder to get through.
I have had many dreams in my life of things that I wanted, ways I wanted to live, what I wanted to be. Each dream has been stopped in its tracks, and slowly but surely, I've watched every dream disintegrate. I've spent lots of time wondering just what I should do.
So my answer to today's prompt is that I would like for a sign from the universe that there is a reason that a dream will come true for me, even if it isn't one that I have dreamed of yet.
What Sign from the Universe Do You Wish For?
22 September 2013
Autumn arrived today and with it I feel better than I have in months. I don't know if it is the change of season or going off some very heavy meds, but I do feel better. For the past month I've been like the walking dead. I've slept for anywhere from 14 to 20 hours in a day. I'm still dealing with the requisite withdrawal (nausea, no appetite, etc.) but I do feel better.
This zombie like life has put a halt to plans for the cottage sale. We have all but three rooms to go, the kitchen, laundry room and my studio (which will require the most work). My mum had her cleaning lady come in yesterday and today and clean the rooms not mentioned above. She's a lovely lady and very sweet, but after she left today I found a letter from her where she basically told my that my health issues are because I practice witchcraft and that if I renounce it and turn to Christ, I'll be healed.
This is why I don't allow people in my home. I can't imagine what type of letter I would have gotten had I not already taken down all my altars and shrines. Oy vey...
Tomorrow I will push through, I hope, and finish the kitchen and laundry room and then Tuesday I hope to tackle the studio. I've decided to let mum have a landscape crew come in and just fix the yard and garden so it looks good for selling. I did tell her no to having the seed the big pumpkin patch with grass, because if I'm still here next summer, I'd like to try again.
So if all goes well the cottage should be on market by the end of the week. I'd like to get it settled before I go to hospital a week from tomorrow for wee procedure. I had one back in 2008 and remember being awake for it, but they tell me I'll be sedated for this one. So, that makes me a little more nervous.
Alright, I'm signing off for now but hope to be back soon with maybe some art or something fun and good.
I wish you all a wonderful Mabon and wonderful Autumny feelings.
(Maybe I'll go buy some pumpkins this week for the porch.)
12 September 2013
I finally made my decision (a week or so ago actually). I have decided to move. I sit amidst boxes and bags of trash or things to be donated. I've had to take down all my altars and shrines. The cottage should be officially on the market next week. I've started to feel good about my decision. I've started to actually be excited for this change. Then last night a little worm worked it's way into my brain saying that I was making a huge mistake and I can't leave here. But I know that is just fear talking so I'm ignoring it.
I'm on a new med that makes me crazy. I constantly have dry mouth, tremors, dizziness and cannot stay awake. Hopefully these side effects are temporary, but if this medicine takes the pain away, I can live with the side effects. I won't know for a couple more weeks. The doctor says this is our last shot. I've been on everything that he would recommend, I've had all the procedures that can be done and so far nothing has helped.
I should have been working this afternoon, but I slept instead. I'd best get back to work. Only a little more packing to do before the house will be "showable" (of course there is still the intense cleaning and the yard cleanup to do).
So I'm looking forward to change. I'm accepting that change has to happen and that it will be what is best for me. That's the only way I can look at it without falling into that deep dark well of despair again.