24 February 2010

I'm still here

No, I haven't vanished. I'm still here, barely. I've wanted to post, but I just haven't had the energy or much to say. I'm still not sure that I have much to say, but I'll say something anyway...

I'm back at work this week, after a two week absence, but it is not voluntary. I had a round of migraines that literally knocked me down. I could barely stand long enough to feed the kids two times a day. I had to hold the wall to keep from keeling over each time I needed to use the loo. On the day of my 10th in a row absence from work (this past Friday, mind you), my mum came over so I could have someone in the house while I showered. She took me to the grocers and swept up a little. While we were out she said that if I wasn't feeling better by Monday she was having me admitted to hospital until they figure out what is causing this. Needless to say, I forced myself to work on Monday and every day since. Today was a close one, though I made it in. I spent most of the day at my desk, hidden from everyone else, silently crying in pain.

I have continued to take the meds as prescribed. The middle of last week, I managed to call in to the Dr and ask when I might expect the meds to provide some relief. They seemed surprised that it hadn't kicked in yet and then called me later with a new prescription. Mum was bringing insulin for the beastie so she went and picked up the new meds. So far, no relief. I'm still slowly upping the dosage as instructed. When I finally get to the max dosage, I'll be taking nine capsules a day. Yes, I said nine. This is quite a lot for a person who has a very high intolerance for being able to swallow pills. But, I'll do it.

The MRI was not too bad, except for my intolerance of loud sounds and the nurse not being able to get the catheter into my vein, it went fine. There was nothing odd found, I have been assured, so that is good. Tomorrow night is the sleep study and then I return to the Dr on March 8.

I truly do not know what I will do if they can't find any cause for these pains. I cannot continue on like this. Nothing has been done around the house, the weather is starting to turn toward spring and yet the last thing on my mind is the gardens. I'm supposed to start the second year of my Herbal Apprenticeship classes this Saturday and I'm so worried I won't be able to make it.

See, this is why I haven't posted, because I have nothing good to say. I'm still slowly reading through my blogroll and commenting when I feel compelled. I hope to be able to get back to some regular postings soon. I really have so many things I want to talk about here. But some of it needs more thinking and mostly I need more energy to do so.


06 February 2010

01 February 2010

snow and such

Friday started out like this...

then quickly became this...

which led to this...

which very quickly turned into this...

Friday turned out to be a horrible migraine day. I stayed in bed most all the day and thankfully Mum was willing to pick up a bag of beastie food and drop it by. The weekend was spent in a blur of medications and sleep. I did manage yesterday to dig out a path from the back door to the yard across the back deck for beastie and also dug out the front walk for the mail carrier. Schools were out today, but we were expected to make it in at regular hours.

Due to another debilitating migraine, I ended up staying in for the day. I finally woke and showered around 10, and even managed to eat a little chicken and rice soup. However, pain in the head, nausea and a case of the shakes sent me clamoring back to my bed. I did bring my laptop with me though. After about a half hour of laying here, willing away the pain, etc., the shakes were getting worse, so off to the kitchen I went to check my blood sugar. I sometimes get the shakes like this when I haven't eaten properly and my blood sugars have dropped too low. My handy dandy new meter (the old one died last week) said 146, not too high (not really great) and not low enough to cause the shakes such as they were. I took a phenegren and brought some cold water back to bed with me.

As it happens, I am not one for medication. In fact, I hate taking medication of any type and because of that I have a higher than normal tendency to "forget" to take something. Unlike my usual ways I have been very thorough in taking my meds when I am supposed to. I've not missed a dose of anything since I started taking them a week ago. (That is quite the record for me.)

That having been said, don't you think my body should have adjusted to these meds by now? I am not liking the way I feel at all. On top of the headaches/migraines, I have all this nausea and loopieness. (Yes, it is a word, because I said so!) I've yet to hear from the doctor's office about my testing schedule and I'm trying to be very patient about it. I am not a very patient person in the best of times and I'm a big giant baby when I don't feel well.

Well, I don't feel well and I want to whine about it. Okay, done. (I hope)

The sun has been shining all day and as I lay here I listen to the drumbeat of snow melting off the roof. Tomorrow morning they say we are in for a bit of an ice/rain storm and then back to sunny days. The weather forecasters tell us that by Friday we will be in for another system like we had this past weekend. So, I'm wondering what Brigid has in store for us tomorrow, Imbolc (or for those not of the pagan path, Groundhog Day). I'm really not ready for spring at all. I'm not ready for all the work in the gardens that needs doing when I barely have the energy to take a shower. I love winter, I always have, but this year, I'm running out of my happiness for snow. Maybe because I can't get out and enjoy it as I usually do. I'm itching to tromp around in the snow, taking pictures of this and that, tossing snowballs for beastie to catch or chase. I had to go out late last night, without proper attire, to chase down beastie. Something under or behind the shed had his attention and I couldn't get him to come in. So out I go, in my thermals and a hoodie with garden clogs on my feet. I'm stomping around trying to get to him or get him to come to me muttering under my breath "blast the cold f*ing snow" and "buggar this damn shite" (yes I've been watching a lot of BBC tv lately). I hate that I felt that way about the snow and I don't want my love affair to end yet.

Whatever Brigid brings tomorrow, be it six more weeks of winter (which is what I'm expecting) or an early spring, I hope that we all of us (yes, I mean you) will be healthy and able to enjoy it.