01 October 2020

1st of october...


well...October already.  

is it just me, or does it seem like it has both arrived very quickly and taken forever to get here?  this year is just ...

i'm hoping to get to the farmer's market next week to hunt for pumpkins and mums (that's an old photo from a few years ago up there).  there weren't any when i went a couple weeks ago.

i changed my flag and put up my halloween decor outside this morning.  i've still to give my granddaddy's old witch and cats a clean up and fresh paint job.  then i can add them to the outdoor decor...

i wish i had a photo of my granddaddy's displays he use to put out.  i'll see if i can't find some to scan and show you.  he was so creative and every holiday had these big outdoor displays in the yard.

just a short post today to say i'm still here and to welcome october...

how have you been doing?  any big october plans?

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~

 

 

16 September 2020

in the garden...

 





i finally made it to the farmers market, last week i think, or maybe the week before.  i brought home gala apples, squash and zucchini, peaches, atlantic salmon and a mess of beans.  i froze the beans and ate everything else, although i'm still working on the apples.  

every time i prep fresh green beans, it takes me back to one of my favorite memories.  sitting on the front porch of my grandparents house (my dream house) with my grandmommy, swinging in the glider and snapping and stringing beans.  we always had a cold bottle of pepsi.  back then, my granddaddy was a distributer (i think that's the word).  he delivered the products to the stores.  he would bring home bottles by the case.  these are the old glass bottles.  i loved them so much.

the garden is winding down out there.  the high temps seem to have broken and i can see things changing.  the magic basil is still going and i'm still hoping for flowering so i can collect seeds.  i'm still getting strawberries and tomatoes and the lettuce i planted is starting to sprout.

and the spiders... there have been so many huge webs and huge spiders out there...crazy times.

how are things going in your garden?

thanks for stopping in...

lots of love & magical blessings

~*~ 

10 September 2020

ten things...

 - that photo makes me ridiculously happy...

 - my list maker type is tracker with a little unloader thrown in...

 - my shins hurt...

 - all i want to do is sleep...

 - inspired by a seven year old to get back to work on the sweater...

 - to walk or not to walk...

 - this series on netflix...

 - apparently football is back...and i don't care...

 - just five things...

 - early morning walking skies...

 

thanks for being here...

love & blessings

~*~
 

 

06 September 2020

learning to be ok with mistakes...


somehow, in my childhood, the need to be perfect and to accomplish things perfectly was ingrained in me.  whenever i try to do something, be it bake a cake, clean the house, garden or knit a sweater, i expect myself to do it with ease and have it turn out perfectly.

yeah...

this need to be perfect is something i've been working on for a while now.  i'm learning to be okay with making mistakes and having to redo/restart something.  

this sweater is really teaching me this lesson.

yesterday, most of the day was spent working on the sweater and feeling so good about my progress and how i might even finish it in time for autumn weather.   seeing as i started it exactly two years ago today, it is definitely time to get it done.

just a little bit ago, after my morning walk and an hour and half in the garden, i decided it was knitting time.  i picked up my instructions to check my progress and then started to knit.  but something caught my attention and i thought a should re-check.  

see it's been bothering me for a few days that i think i'm running out of yarn before i finish.  well...

turns out, i'd started working on the front, but i did it on the back.  uh huh... brilliant, right?

in the photo above, the white line marks the approximate area that i should have turned and moved to the front instead of continuing to knit on the back.  

so now, i've got to frog (undo) that section and learn how to undo bind off stitches...

needless to say, i'm a bit frustrated, but i'm trying hard NOT to beat myself up or call myself names.  

it's okay to have to undo and pick up again.  it doesn't really matter how long it takes me to complete this sweater.  it is for me, and i can wear it whenever i finish it.

these are the things i tell myself, when what i really want to do is rail at myself and cry...

but i'm okay.  and i'm okay with needing to undo, it will give me practice on the different stitches.

i'm putting it aside for a day or so and switching to a different project.

today's life lesson is: being perfect, isn't possible.  and it would be completely boring if it was...

and also, it's okay to make mistakes

so tell me, what lessons is life teaching you right now?

thanks for stopping in for a read...

love & blessings

~*~ 

 

04 September 2020

creative a.d.d.

 







hello, i'm laura and i have creative a.d.d.

those photos are of aspects of six different projects i'm currently working on.

my creativity is constantly giving me ideas and inspiration and i have trouble saying not now.  i also have trouble with things i'm not used to doing (ie: learning new things) which is something i'm trying to change.

those six different projects, that's just the start.  there is also the gardening, the baking, the woodworking, the papier-mache, the clay sculpting, the sewing and more.

i know, if i could focus on just one thing at a time, i'd get a lot done.  these things were all started at various times, some as long as three years ago and the most recent was december 2019.

the photos above are all w.i.p.s. and i love them all.  i never know what i'm going to feel like working on or what my body/brain limits are going to be each day so it's good to have variety.  this week the sweater seems to have my attention, but while i'm knitting and purling there are all kinds of ideas stewing in my head about things i want to try.

i've been working my way through "The Artist's Way", a book about creative recovery by Julia Cameron.  one of the things i've found out about myself is that i'm terrified to try new things. so i set a goal for myself to try two new things (that i've never done/made/etc) each month.  last month was just one, i was more than halfway through the month when i set this goal, which was to learn to use my dehydrator.  i know, that doesn't seem like an art goal.  but for me it is, as it is trying something i was afraid to do.  (i don't know why i was afraid of my dehydrator, i'm also afraid to use my food processor, so...)

i had some moderate success with the dehydrator, and am ready to try again.

that's the point i'm trying to teach myself, to try...

so...creative a.d.d. and sometimes creative a.d.H.d. when an urge hits and i work on something non-stop until it is done.  it happens, occasionally.  

do you have any creative blocks? do you jump from thing to thing?  how do you approach trying something new?

thanks for stopping by for a read...

love & blessings

~*~


 

 

02 September 2020

september...

 


i love september...

i love the turn in the air that brings cooler weather. i love the shorter days. i love the scent of the air.

i love pumpkins...

here in my part of the south, september is part summer/part autumn and really the best mix of both.

today i'm trying to decide if i want to bring out the halloween decor.  i'm mostly a stick to the month decorator when it comes to holidays.  for example, i decorate for autum (normally) starting september 1st, bring out halloween on oct 1st and go back to just autumn nov 1st.  winter decor comes out dec 1st with yule/santa stuff going back in storage a few days after the 25th.

this year feels different.

i started putting autumn decor out on aug 1st. maybe i'll wait a few days then hunt up the halloween stuff.

i just realized i've not been to the farmer's market at all this year.  that is very depressing.  i'm going to try to go tomorrow or friday.  i'd love some fresh local corn, and apples...oh and PUMPKINS!!!  

the photo above is actually from september 2015.  i don't really have one autumnal from this year, yet.


well, that's all for my ramblings today.  do you have a schedule for your holiday/seasonal decorating?  are you ready for autumn, or are you a spring/summer person?

thanks for stopping by for a read...

love & blessings

~*~


ps...i appreciate the comments and suggestions from my last post.  i know that therapy doesn't wholly work without all the information...so yes, i know i didn't help myself during those therapies... thanks again  xoxo

29 August 2020

maybe it's true...


ten years ago, one of my neurologists suggested that my severe chronic headaches and migraines were a result of ptsd.  when he said this, i laughed and denied that i'd had the kind of trauma in my life that would cause ptsd.  he sent me to a psychiatrist to be tested/examined for ptsd.

after meeting with the psychiatrist several times, he said i definitely did not have ptsd.  

now, all these years later, i think the psychiatrist was wrong.

i didn't tell either of them everything.  i never do.  

i keep a lot to myself, having learned early in life that telling things has consequences.  there are some things i just don't discuss.  ever.

i've been having a lot of flashbacks lately.  i've always had nightmares, insomnia, memories that overwhelm me, but that all has been getting worse lately.  

anger and i are closely acquainted.  i get so angry, sometimes, about the simplest and (i've been told) most ridiculous things.  and my emotions jump around so much that at one point i was diagnosed bi-polar (only to be told later by a different doctor that i was not bi-polar).

i cry all the time.  silly little things like hallmark commercials can make me cry.  this morning, i looked at my phone and saw a headline that an actor i adore had passed away and i've been fighting tears. 

i always thought the emotional rollercoaster was from being an empath.

now i wonder... is it ptsd?  

i saw somewhere something about complex ptsd not long ago and looked it up.

i could tick off every single symptom.

here is what set me off on this today.  in the post, i received a hand written letter from a person in the nearest town that i don't know.  when i opened it i found a two page letter about how i need to get right with jesus and god.  it included writings from revelations and a pamplet for the jehovahs witnesses.

my first instinct upon realizing that a complete stranger had written to me like this was to put her in the freezer or to put her in a jar. 

my second, was to find her number, call her up and lay into her about it.  i mean, i don't go knocking on strangers doors telling them they are going to hell if they don't get saved. (or sending them letters of same) - this action, btw, is one of my biggest issues with "christianity", but that is another post for another day

my third inclination was to write her back telling her how i feel about her rude and presumptive letter.

after a few minutes of venting my anger (a LOT of anger) in my head about her and her letter, i tore it into little pieces, along with the pamphlet and threw them in the trash.

so why did this (misguided, but I'm sure well intention-ed) woman's letter set me off so badly?  it brought back memories of an abusive relative who would write me letters filled with biblical quotes and telling me how i was satan's child and would burn in hell for eternity and all sorts of deliciousness like that...and how they couldn't associate with me as i would corrupt them... (btw - those letters were not the abuse they perpetrated, just the second rate form later in life)

so...now i'm wondering what to do.  i have had enough of psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists to last a life time.  seriously, more of my life has been spent in therapy than out of it.

but things are getting very much out of hand.  i fly off the handle at people for inexcusable reasons.  i've pretty much cut everyone out of my life (this was not helped by pandemic year) and am starting to get scared of myself. i cry for hours at a time and the headaches... well...i don't know how much more of this pain i can stand.  

honestly, this wasn't the post i'd planned for...

i don't even know why i'm writing all this...

just my way of asking the universe for help i suppose...

thanks for stopping in for a read...

love & blessings

~*~