12 September 2013

making a change and sticking to it...

I finally made my decision (a week or so ago actually).  I have decided to move.  I sit amidst boxes and bags of trash or things to be donated.  I've had to take down all my altars and shrines.  The cottage should be officially on the market next week.  I've started to feel good about my decision.  I've started to actually be excited for this change.  Then last night a little worm worked it's way into my brain saying that I was making a huge mistake and I can't leave here.  But I know that is just fear talking so I'm ignoring it.

I'm on a new med that makes me crazy.  I constantly have dry mouth, tremors, dizziness and cannot stay awake.  Hopefully these side effects are temporary, but if this medicine takes the pain away, I can live with the side effects.  I won't know for a couple more weeks.  The doctor says this is our last shot.  I've been on everything that he would recommend, I've had all the procedures that can be done and so far nothing has helped.

I should have been working this afternoon, but I slept instead.  I'd best get back to work.  Only a little more packing to do before the house will be "showable" (of course there is still the intense cleaning and the yard cleanup to do). 

So I'm looking forward to change.  I'm accepting that change has to happen and that it will be what is best for me.  That's the only way I can look at it without falling into that deep dark well of despair again.


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