gratitude... a year in review...

 

hello, my dears...

the end of 2020 is here and for some it is already 2021.  i'm fairly certain there is not a person on the planet that is not happy to see this year end and a new one begin.  i know i am.  how about you?

i don't have a lot of photos to share in this post.  the top is how my art desk looks now.  i've spent some time this week getting it cleaned up and changing it up a bit.  now it is ready for the new year and new arting.

the second photo is of an art journal spread i did on the 14th.  i was feeling very, very bad.  a combination of a burgeoning migraine and depression and was trying to fight the pull of the well.  i wanted to paint, but i also just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for days.  i remembered something effy wild said about how even if you don't feel like it, come to the table.  so i did.  i was very happy i did and i loved how she turned out.  i chose 'choice' as the word at her throat because i made the choice to keep myself out of the well for that day.  and that was good.  and that was progress...

so...

my word for 2020 was gratitude.  i had a tendency to not be grateful for things that i should and i learned during 2019 that i had a lot to be grateful for.  i think it was a wise choice and it definitely had an impact.  i recognize it now, and acknowledge my gratitude every single day.  even in the middle of a migraine or while sinking to the bottom of the well, i am grateful.

the word that chose me for 2021 appeared back in october.  when it presented itself, i thought it was wonderful.  i'll share that tomorrow.

i meant to be here more the past few weeks.  but, like always, the holidays are difficult.  and, of course, this year, even worse.  i chose to not participate in our family holiday meal.  my sil had been exposed to the virus, through work and i just couldn't bring myself to take a chance. (she has since been tested several times and all have come back negative)

so, i stayed home.  i did cook part of the meal though, so that i could have some of it.  (i can't eat anything prepared by someone else, yet).

now i'm ready to enjoy the rest of the year: nachos for dinner and maybe a tiny sip of eggnog with the nog near to midnight and working on my 2021 planner.

tomorrow is a new start.  not a stop, not an end.  but a curve around the wheel of time.

i hope you have a had as wonderful a holiday season as possible and that the new year ahead brings you all the joy and happiness you deserve.

thank you for being here with me and reading along.

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~

eventually...maybe...

it always amazes me how quickly the time goes by when i want to post.  i've been planning to post here several days and it just keeps getting lost in the day. 

but, now i'm here... 

there have been stunning sunsets and a few art journal days.  

there has been lots of little cleaning sprees and re-arranging of things to make room for other things.  i picked up a small poinsettia when i couldn't find a small table top tree i liked.  i just wasn't up to the whole decorating she-bang.  

there has been lots of little stitches on a secret project.  don't you just love when people say they are working on a secret project?  i always ask myself why, if it is a secret, mention it at all?  ha ha... oh well...

i plan to share it eventually...maybe...  :-)

friday i put on my brave and took an excursion to a newly discovered art supply store that is only about 10 minutes from my house.  it is an offshoot of the art supply store i've been driving 3 hours to shop at.

turns out they've been here for over a year... i was in heaven!  it was so easy to find and took no time to get there.  and they are all so nice and helpful! plus they have good discounts.  i still spent a lot, but that's okay.

i also managed to get myself a printer.  i haven't had one for over three years.  whenever i had anything that HAD to be printed, i'd email it to my neighbor and she'd print it out for me.  with the new year long art classes i'm taking this coming year, i'll need to print a whole lot of stuff.  so it was time.  i've already cleared out a spot to set it up.  

i'd been waiting until i had a proper desk, but i'm tired of waiting for that.

so, what have you all been up to?

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~
 

 

no truer words...

 

 

i found myself in my studio last night, playing with prompt listings from some of effy wild's journal jams from this summer.

it's been a long time since i've played with paint and paper.  i really had a wonderful time.

the top photo is my paint water after i finished the black and gold painting above.  i loved how the sparkles of the metallic gold paint shimmered in the water.

the blue painting is what came through today from another prompt list.  the words came to me when i was trying to figure out what it needed to finish it off.  

 ~ i may be broken but my pieces are all here - i can put myself together again

no truer words...

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~

on the list for today...

it's only about 3:15 in the afternoon as i sit and type these words.  it feels to me as if it should be closer to 3:15 in the morning. it's been overcast all day with little spots of rain here and there.

i went out this morning to search for the one and only xmas gift i am giving this year.  i checked the website of the shop and was assured they had two in stock.  of course, i drive to the other side of the nearest town and find that they have one on their shelf and it has been opened.

so, i'll be ordering that gift online.

i ran a few more errands and then came home feeling worse than i did before i left.

but...on the list for today was to do SOMETHING with the leftover turkey.  i mean it has been a week since i cooked it and i'm really getting tired of it.  i'd come across a recipe for a very simple turkey pot pie and thought i'd give it a try.  the topping in the recipe was with a biscuit mix, but i decided to try cornbread instead.

so, i deboned the turkey, tossed in the 2 other ingredients and made the topping.  it came out of the oven about 20 minutes ago.

it turned out pretty good.  in fact, i have a feeling i'll be making a chicken version of this later this winter.  i might add a few more seasonings, as the recipe called only for salt and pepper to taste. i added quite a bit of pepper and just a tiny amount of salt.

that is quite a small serving in the picture above, i just haven't had much appetite lately.  in fact, i didn't want to eat at all, but i needed to give it a try.  

i'll freeze some of it to have as freezer meal for later on.  and maybe i'll take some to my neighbor.

here's the original recipe:

Southern Biscuit Turkey Pot Pie

1 7oz bag (or 1 1/2 cup) of Southern Biscuit Formula L Biscuit Mix

1 10.50 oz can cream of chicken soup

1 15 oz can of peas & carrots (undrained)

1 1/2 cups shredded turkey

3/4 cup milk

Heat the oven to 400 degrees F.

In a bowl, mix the soup, vegetables (undrained) and turkey.  Pour the mix into a 9-inch pie pan. (Tip: Add a dash of salt & pepper for taste)

In a small bowl, mix the Milk & Formula L Biscuit Mix.  Spread the batter over the turkey mixture.

Bake for 25-30 minutes until the top is golden brown.

 

That's all it takes.  

Now for my notes: like i said earlier, i didn't use the biscuit topping, i didn't have any on hand and didn't feel like going back out to the store. so, i used a box of jiffy cornbread mix.  if you use that you'll need 1/3 cup of milk instead of the 3/4 mentioned above and an egg.  i didn't add much salt as i figured the cream of chicken would be salty enough.  oh and i'm pretty sure i used a lot more than 1 1/2 cups of shredded turkey.  i just used all i had left and didn't bother to measure it out.

let me know if you try this recipe.  i'm putting the biscuit flour on my grocer list for next trip and will try a chicken pot pie with it.

well... i think that's it for today.  i've got the dehydrator going with some sliced clementines experiment i need to check on and i need to clean up the dishes from the pot pie.

until next time...

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~ 

 

 

 

a 10...

 i was looking for a photo for today's post and noticed that i take a lot of pictures of skies, clouds and trees.  well...they are some of my favorite things, so that makes a sort of sense.

i tried to do my tiny portion of holiday shopping this morning but it was a bust.  by the time i arrived home my headache level had hit 10.  so i've taken a pill and tried to rest a bit. 

so far, no relief.

i'll give it another hour, then take a second dose if i need to.

we're supposed to get rain the next two days, so i stocked up a few things to make chilli and turkey pot pie.  

well...the pain is taking the forefront, so i'll sign off now.

do you have a favorite winter comfort food?

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~

 

to my doom...

i am a hard learner.  when i say that, what i mean is that i learn things the hard way...always...

i seem to have to make the same mistakes over and over, ad infinitum, in order to learn something.  i don't know why this is.  i've thought on it (too much), written about it (so often), pulled cards for understanding (many times) and talked about it (much too much).  and yet...here i am...

several years ago, i posted about a lesson that took way too long to learn here.  the part in that many worded post that relates to today's post is lesson three (so you don't have to read the whole thing if you want a reference point). 

today, i signed up for a year long art course with a favorite artist.  one of the aspects is to join a facebook group that is specific to this course.  i haven't been on in months, probably not since early october, i think.  when i logged in, i had several messages and tons of notifications.  i went right to the messages and the first name i see is one that i haven't seen in three years.  that's right, a message from the very teacher of the above linked lesson three. - just to clarify, when i say teacher here, i'm not referring to the art teacher.

to say i was shocked would not be understating it.  i almost didn't read it.  i came thisclose to just closing it and ignoring it.  but i'm just too curious to do so.

it was one of those i think about you often, i've looked for you but couldn't find you, then my kid asks about you so i looked and here you are, i hope you are doing great, kind of messages. 

honestly...what the absolute F U C K!!!  

i broke.  i completely broke into gut wrenching, head pounding sobs.  serious ugly crying, the kind that has tears and snot running down your face and gasping to breathe because your nose is clogged and the sobs are so harsh on your throat that you can't get air.

my "friendship" with this person lasted a really long time and it was such a roller-coaster that it was exhausting.  but ...

she was my best friend.  i could (and did) talk to her about everything.  we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say.  we could sit quietly and just enjoy being in each other's company.  her kids were like my own.  they were a solace and joy to me when i found i couldn't have children.  they talked to me like i was a part of their life.  it was...family.

and each time she decided i was "too much" to deal with she would block me from her life.  which meant i lost them too. and each time it hurt a lot more. 

so three years ago, when it was obvious that she didn't really want me in their lives, i found a way to be okay with that.  i moved on.

yes, i think about them often.  they show up in dreams. i've even picked up the phone a couple of times to call and share something, only to realize that is not an option i have anymore. 

and that one little message brings every bit of pain back to the surface... it claws it's way up and makes me realize why i don't have friends anymore.  why i have no one to talk to about anything.  - to the point that i just don't talk to people.  

i can't take another loss like the one she delivered...

so i thought, and i thought.  i calmed down and stopped crying (although the tears are very, very close to the surface) and i responded to her message.  i left the door open and gave her my phone number if she (or the kids) wanted to call.  

i have a that icky feeling in my stomach.  the one that is a mixture of butterflies, nausea and fear.  did i make a mistake?  should i have just ignored it? should i have said, sorry don't want to talk to you?

i don't know. 

and there are the three little words that seem to be my doom.

i. don't. know.

i get so mixed up in my head that i no longer know what is the best thing to do.  i feel so far removed from my intuition that i never seem to know what is the best for me thing to do.

but she pulled in one of the kids.  she said he'd asked about me. and that sealed my fate.  i'd do anything for those kids.

so...

what will this mean?  will we become friends again?  will i even ever hear from any of them?  i have no idea.  but i'm going to have to figure out how to keep on with my life without anxiously anticipating what will happen.

(i found the message a few hours ago and i've already been back on fb 3 times to see if there was a response.)  that has to stop...

well...

we shall see, what comes of all this...

(those being the other three words i've found that lead to my doom - we shall see)

i think maybe putting this down helped a little

but i still want to cry...

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~  

 

 

december hellos...

this december first dawned cold and bright.  

i was up early helping deliver the light balls to various neighbors so they could be installed by the landscapers.

i drove around the neighborhood a little bit ago to see who has their lights up and working.  it's starting to look pretty.

i've had the fire going all day as i can't seem to get warm.  i miss wood fires, but the ease of gas logs is nice.  still...nothing beats the warmth and scent of a wood burning fire.

i can't seem to find a focus for this post. i've written and deleted multiple paragraphs.  so, i'll say happy winter.

thanks for reading...

love, kisses & magical wishes...

~*~