The past week has been a struggle for me. Between the stress of my workdays, a mystery foot ailment (that the doctor cannot diagnose) and a landscaping nightmare, I was glad to see the end of the week. I am very hopeful that having tomorrow off for the holiday, will start the week off well and that it continues on throughout the rest of it.
The weather has turned back to hot days (80+) and coolish nights (65+) so I've continued to leave the windows open. It is fascinating to me how nature strives to be heard over the noise of the city. Or am I just listening harder for it? The cicadas are singing so loudly..the birds of the neighborhood chirping their songs. While working in the garden today, I heard a bird call that I did not recognize. It almost sounded like a whippoorwill, but I don't think that they are native to our area. I love the sounds of nature...
Do you believe in life lessons?
I believe that we are here for a purpose, that each of us have goals, if you will, to accomplish before we move on to the next life. I believe that if we learn our lessons we can accomplish these goals and move on to other lessons in the next life. In the course of each life, we have many life lessons to learn and they can be very hard to recognize.
This past week, I think that I finally learned one of my lessons for this lifetime.
I have a problem with neglect. I will start a project {hello, ravelry sidebar anyone?;-)}, and it will sit untended until it is too late to fix or mend or help it. This happens with most everything in my life.
First, is my health (I foolishly eat and drink things that a diabetic should never ingest), when I was on prescription medications for various issues, I'd forget to take them most of the time. I stopped exercising and have started gaining weight again. So I am neglecting myself, physically.
My house is next, as it is usually quite the mess. I rarely dust or sweep the floors, I'd rather have hot pokers stuck in my eyes than clean the bathroom on most days and keeping the kitchen and laundry up to date has not been my strong suit either. I'm a bit of a pack rat and will try to keep anything and everything that comes my way. Truthfully, the best thing about the work we did on the house this summer was that I was forced to make myself de-clutter and dispense with so much excess.
My fur children... well they are actually very well taken care of. The only thing that I neglect with them is the litter box sometimes, otherwise they are very well provided for and loved.
My art is neglected on a daily basis. I start knitting projects, but never finish them. I start art projects but never finish them. I have so many ideas and creations floating around in my head that I never do anything with... neglect...
My craft... I often ignore sabbats and esbats, forget to put spells in my book of shadows, and rarely do tarot readings anymore. I sorely neglect my spiritual side and have realized that when it is the most neglected, that is when the migraines come in and refuse to leave. I hardly ever listen to my intuition anymore...neglect...
Gardening is one of my most favorite things. I enjoy more than almost anything, planting, tending and watching grow the veggies, flowers and herbs that I plant. And yet... I neglect them too. I use the heat of the summer as an excuse to let the yard go and not get it mowed for three weeks. Then when the grass is as high as my knees, I'll call someone in and have them mow it. I've done this twice now - once either last summer or the one before and last week.
Here is where the life lesson comes into play... the previous time I had someone come and mow for me, they mowed down a 3ft tall blooming hydrangea that my stepmum had given me (it still hasn't grown back) and I was extremely upset. Last week, the landscaper I hired to mow the YARD...went into every flower/herb bed that I have and MOWED THEM DOWN. I lost echineca, job's tears, mint, nettle, hyssop, ANOTHER HYDRANGEA, angelica, black-eyed susans (these were blooming), daisies, spiderwort (also blooming). The only thing he didn't mow down, was the Queen Cleome.
I was devastated when I came home from work and saw what had happened. It made me very ill when I realized I paid him EXTRA and he did this. And the worst part about it was that I had only myself to blame. The flower beds were very weedy so I'm sure to someone it might look like grass to be mowed, but if you have to move landscape fencing to get to it, wouldn't you think that it was not to be touched? All that aside, my intuition that morning told me to call him and let him know what areas not to touch. But I NEGLECTED to make that call...
After this discovery, I called my a good friend and told her about it. I told her about what had happened before and how I knew there must be a lesson in it, but wasn't sure what it was. We continued to talk and suddenly I knew. The lesson is neglect. I must cease being neglectful in my life. I must cease neglecting the things that mean the most to me.
Ever since October of 2004, I have been very neglectful of my life in every fashion. I realized while talking to my friend that I used
the illness as an excuse to not care about things. Why should I continue researching my family history (something that for over ten years was a constant joy to me) when I had no one to share it with and to pass it on? Why should I care if I'm overweight, no man would want me anyway,
if I can't give them children? Why should I take care of my house, keep things up, if no one ever comes over anyway? Can you see the pattern? I can... and I truly believe this lesson has been learned.
Now that I have recognized this pattern, this lesson... I am working on being present and attentive to every aspect of my life. I have cleaned my house, prepped the garden for fall planting, spent extra time with my fur babies and tried to pay more attention to my health and eating. It is just a start, but at least it IS a start. I think, no, I hope this lesson has been learned.
blessings
~*~
