Back in June I signed up to take an online art course - Ever After 2017. It started in July with several lessons by different artists each month through October. I started off doing pretty well. I was a little slowed down due to those pesky headaches, and a lack of the proper supplies. Once I got started, I really enjoyed it. And then the headaches and other stuff slowed me down again.
Now it's November and I'm just starting the work from August. Yep, I'm three months behind. But it's still fun. I have until the end of November to either complete all the assignments or download them to work on later. I suspect I'll be downloading a lot!
The thing about it is, I'm really enjoying learning different techniques and using new materials. I'm really disappointed that I wasn't able to stay on schedule, but I've learned a lot. I'm thinking it's time to stop trying classes and just get in there and play.
I suppose this is just a reminder to myself, to keep going, even if I have to go really, really slowly.
What's happening in your world?
Thanks for stopping by,
love & blessings
~*~
Do you ever feel afraid? Not that shocking fear like oh there's a spider, but the deep dark fear that hides inside and keeps you from doing things? Things like eating in a restaurant by yourself, going on a trip alone, introducing yourself to a stranger at a party?
I do. I feel afraid all the time. I only go to drive through fast food places, I might go on a trip once every two or three years, but it is very hard for me. I feel fear just walking the hundred of so steps to my mailbox to get the mail.
I don't know where this fear comes from. I've felt it most of my life. I even spent 3 months in my house many, many moons ago unable to barely open the front door to get the mail out of the box by the door. I'd been driving to work one day and just turned my car around and went home. I didn't leave for months. I just couldn't.
That crippling anxiety has kept me from doing so much in my life. I wonder if that is why I'm alone. Being scared just to walk through a grocer makes going out to meet people so difficult. It's hard to make friends (much less get a date), if you can't look people in the eye.
My current biggest fear is that I'll never have any of the dreams I had for myself as a child. The last one I'm down to that is even remotely possible, is to live in the country/mountains, surrounded by nature, not buildings. It is something that I've wanted for so long, and I've looked into it many times, including making a couple of offers on property. But they never worked out.
Now, with my health getting worse, I'm terrified I'm going to live in the city townhouse for the rest of my life. Not being able to see the stars at night because of too much light noise, the only wildlife being birds, squirrels and chipmunks. The sounds of bass thumping from cars and the nearby gym, cars honking and traffic on the nearby highway, my lullaby.
I'm not okay with that. But I'm terrified to try. I can barely hold a hammer or screwdriver. I have very little life skills, and pretty much no country living skills. I can't even climb a step ladder without someone here in case I fall again. If I moved I'd not have any family (or my favorite handyman) near by and obviously no friends. (Of course, I don't have any friends nearby now so that probably shouldn't factor.)
So, what do I do? Do I keep looking for a property in the mountains that I could be happy in? Do I stay here and try to figure out how to adjust to not having any of my dreams come true?
I don't know and I think that makes the fear worse. It makes me more afraid of spending the rest of my life alone and dying that way.
So, I don't know what I'll do, I just know that I have to figure out how to fight the fear. I guess first, I need to figure out which one to fight.
Do you have any fears you're fighting?
Thanks for stopping by,
love & blessings
~*~
Since my blog title has my favorite things as a part, I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite things today.
I love to read. I've always loved to read. Whenever my family couldn't find me, they new to look in the darkest corner of the room furthest from where everyone else was, and they'd find me there with a book. I'd sit on the floor with my back to the window to get as much light as I could to see the words on the page.
I read everything I could get my hands on. When I was working, I'd read on breaks and lunch hours. Even walking to the break room to get a drink from the soda machine, I'd have my nose buried in a book. (Until it was commented on that I should probably not do that as they were paying me to work, not read.)
When I was taken out of work and put on disability, reading was what kept me alive. I couldn't watch much tv or movies, or listen to music because the sound and flashing screens would send my pain over the edge. But I could read.
I submersed myself in stories that I'd wanted to read for years and had never taken the time, or stories I wasn't sure about but what the heck, right? I would push through the pain to take a quick trip to the library and bring home close to 20 books each time. Thick books, thin books, it didn't matter. All I did was read.
The one caveat was that it had to be fiction. I have a very hard time with non-fiction books. Mostly I get bored. I don't know why that is but it is very rare that I can pick up a non-fiction and actually finish it.
So fiction it is... I still read alot, but not like I did. The constant pain and numerous medications over the years has done something to my cognitive function and I can't process as well as I used to. I read much slower and it takes me longer to get what I am reading. Now I seem to stick to the same authors and even re-read the same series over and over.
That was a long and rambling way of telling you that I love books. My most recent new read was one I didn't even know was coming until release day. I saw someone post on Instagram that they were getting read to start it. I went to the book store the next day and bought my copy. I so rarely buy books anymore, but I knew this would be a keeper and be re-read often.
Alice Hoffman takes us back for a visit with the Owens family, in her newest book, The Rules of Magic. This time we learn about the aunts from Practical Magic, Frances and Jet, and how they became the women we loved. I read this in less than 24 hours and went through the full run of emotions. I loved this book and can't wait to read it again.
If you haven't read Practical Magic, I highly recommend that you do. If you have read it, but have yet to read The Rules of Magic, may I suggest that you get right to it. If you've read neither...what are you waiting for?
Both books are full of real life magic (not the made up kind Hollywood likes) and raw emotion, with realistic concerns that everyday people go through.
To me, Ms. Hoffman is a master storyteller and I am so grateful that she shares these stories with the rest of us.
Seriously, go read this...
That's all for today. I hope you are having a good one.
thanks for stopping by!
love & blessings
~*~
ps...top picture from the archives, bottom from my Instagram - still can't find that danged cord. xoxo
Hello November...
It is weird to say, but I'm glad Halloween is over. I think I jumped the gun a bit this year and overdid my indulgence. Normally, I decorate for Halloween on October 1st. This year, I started in the middle of September. And now...
I'm just ready for pumpkins, fires, candlelight, cozy blankets and autumnal rest. I am ready to put away the skulls, jack-o-lanterns, spiderwebs and creepy/scary stuff. I usually leave Halloween decorations up until November 3rd, but I've already started taking things down and I've only been awake for a couple of hours.
I had to search my photo archives to give you the image above. (I'm still trying to find that gash
darn connector for my camera so I can download the loads of pictures. I
even tried just removing the data card but I don't have a slot on my
computer that it fits. Time for a new camera?) It is from 2009, a pot of pansies I had at my front porch at the old cottage. Gosh, sometimes I really, REALLY miss that little old house.
I can't seem to settle in here at the newest townhouse. I'm not sure why. I've been here for almost six months and still don't feel home. Do you know what I mean? I haven't figured out what to do about that, yet...
Thanks to all those who visited and commented this past weekend for Magaly's October Heart-Bits. Just as last year, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderfully kind comments you all left me. Storytelling is something I've always loved. I constantly seem to have stories running through my head, some I've written out, but most just play out in my brain until it is time to let them go. Even though they seem fabulous in my head, when I start putting them down on paper (or computer screen), they seem to get warped. There has always been a slight disconnect between what's in my head and what comes out and that has made writing (something I've always wanted to do) difficult.
So when I do these little challenges and the work is well received, I get goosebumps and little zings of joy spin through my body. So, again, thank you!
Well, I suppose I'll run along. These decorations aren't going to put themselves away.
thanks for stopping by!
love & blessings
~*~
