19 January 2010



the word has stuck with me, every moment since i found it

every time i start to falter, to give up, to look the other way or take the easy way out, i remember that word and i remember the promise i made to myself

i sit at home now, after a long night (well, early morning) of purging my stomach. i don't know if i caught a bug, or ate something bad, but i could tell after a few hours of sicking up that there was more to come and it wouldn't do to take myself off to work. i mean really, it's bad enough to have to hang over your own toilet, much less a semi-public one. ewww

i feel horrible and so let down that i didn't make it in to work today. i'd made it a game you see, of how long i could go without missing a day. four whole weeks i made it, until today. well... i'll just start my game again tomorrow and this time make it even longer

this past week has been such a roller coaster and i am so not a fan. who knows, maybe it was just the turmoil that finally had to find a way out of my system that caused the sickening.

i'm always so emotionally sensitive about things. missing children cases, murders, they all get to me but this... this catastrophe that is Haiti, just destroyed me. from the first news, i was sucked in, i think i saw more of CNN than i'd seen in all my life. the horror of those people, trapped, starving, losing limbs in order to be rescued from collapsed buildings, only to die later from not having medical attention to stop up the wounds. it just shatters my heart.

not being able to be there personally, i've tried to do what i can in some small way to help... a few small donations, attending a prayer vigil to send healing energy, lots of prayers and candles lit. i intend to send a larger donation (as much as i can) to attempt to help a specific person in Haiti. He's a very dear man that I met when i took that trip to New Orleans a few years ago. It took four days from the time of the earthquake, but we found out that he is okay. It was a small miracle to me, those three words that came in the form of a text. He is okay.


we've had a few days of warmth, the kind of days that make you wish for spring. only, i don't. i'm not ready for spring, the flowers, the weeding, the planting. i'm still in the planning stages. wishing for more snow, wishing for cold so that i can hide here in my cozy little cottage, with a good book (or more likely my blog list) and hunker down.

i did sit outside for a few minutes a little while ago. i sat in the sun, watching the beastie sniff around the yard and listening to the birds as they scrounge around hunting up their next meal, absorbing a little warmth.

dearest gods and goddesses of weather, it is only the mid of January, much too early to be walking barefoot out of doors. please send us another bout of cold temperatures and lots of snow would be an especially nice bonus.
your servant always,
the spiritwitch :)



Rue said...

Really? Snow? I think bare toes look divine! I miss it!

I know what you mean about the tradgedy wiping you out. I don't watch the news. It's not that I'm ignoring it - I've donated and lit candles and prayed too - but I just can't watch suffering like that. I guess we each deal with things like this in our own way.

Lorna said...

This post really touched me.

faerwillow said...

~i to am awaiting spring but for us more snow is needed in the mountains to reep its rewards come summer...otherwise our river will run dry...so i am saying a wish for some more snow to head our way...your post so sincere...it is such a devasting event that has happened and leaves my heart filled with saddness sorrow and grief...if only there was more for us to do...but anything we do matters more than attempting to doing nothing...to perserve...may your body be kind to you in the coming days...brightest blessings~