29 January 2013

insomnia and other bits

I have insomnia...again.  My head is apparently so full that it must rage, rant, swirl and dance all day and all night.  Usually I'll just lie in bed and hope for the best, but tonight I just couldn't do it.  The muses have been screaming at me lately and for the most part I've been ignoring them.  I can make all kinds of excuses - I've been sick; my headaches are worse and therefore I can't function well; I've had to help my mum with her new computer, etc., etc., etc.  Really it comes down to a lack of motivation and passion.  I can't find my passion or rather, what I'm passionate about.  When I say passion, I'm really talking about a purpose.  Or maybe a purpose that is a passion.  Maybe that doesn't make sense, but what can I say, it's 2:30 in the morning and my brain is on supreme hyper-drive.

I did try, I lay in bed for an hour or so before getting up.  I decided that I needed to stop hiding in bed or in a book and DO SOMETHING.  Hence, the blue paint on my fingers.  Yes, I've been painting. (I told you the muses were yelling at me)

I have two projects I'm working at right now and should have done for the past week.  But fear is a powerful deterrent to productivity.  I've let my fears of not being good enough, not making something other people will like keep me from making anything at all.  I'm at the end of my online art course and need to complete my final project so that I can receive a critique (fear again).  I also have another project that is kind of a secret, but I it needs completed by 21 Feb.  I have time, I don't feel the need to rush.  I just feel the need to do, preferably at a steady clop.

Other things on my mind are seeds, gardens, veggies, flowers, dirt, birds...do you sense a theme?  After the last couple weeks very cold weather we are to get a couple days of warmth.  Tomorrow is to be quiet lovely and I plan and NEED to be in the gardens working.  Wednesday is to be warm too, but severe storms should be rolling through and the day may not be garden-able.  Yes, I know that doesn't seem to be a word, but I like it.  My seed orders were place over the weekend.  I tried not to overdo and to be reasonable.  There are several plants that I still want to put in this spring, herbs mostly, but I'll pick those up at our annual herb sale at the farmer's market.

 No, I didn't order something from every tab, although I'd like to.  :-)  I ended up ordering from Pinetree and TerritorialTerritorial had a few things that Pinetree didn't.  I really wanted to order from Sow True Seed since they are based in my state, but their prices for the were just over 3 times as much as the others.  Living on disability, I have to try to be careful with my spending and I just couldn't justify it in my head.    I'm really looking forward to getting my seeds and getting seedlings going and gardens planned.

I suppose I've rambled on enough this morning.  I guess I'll go slap some paint on another canvas.  It's my first time working with canvas and I'm quite looking forward to it.

So tell me...are you planning a garden?


ps...blogger is giving me fits and has been for months...it won't let me edit my blog list.  I'm thinking of moving my blog to another location, do you have any recommendations?

1 comment:

Lorna said...

Laura, I live in a condo and thought I was finished with gardens, but we have a roof garden and because I'm a volunteer maniac, I'm on the gardening committee. Since we have about 6 feet of snow on the roof, I'm off the hook for a while.