09 November 2012

back around again...

I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster again.  It's been more years than I care to think about that I've been on a real roller coaster.  But my emotions have always been of the up and down variety.  This week, they seem to be sliding down.  I guess the euphoria of my adventure has worn off and it is back to the same old stuff.  Same feelings, same places, same routines.

I've taken down my Halloween decor and left up the autumn.  It's just too early for winter holidays, yet.  I did put together a cute little lighted tree that I purchased after the holidays last year.  There were two in the pack and one will go outside my front door eventually.  For now, the one by my ancestor altar will do.  That and working on this scarf is all I've had the energy to do. 

There are dishes that need to be scrubbed, floors to sweep, laundry to wash and the last of the tomatoes to put up.  Homework that needs to be completed for an online art course I signed up for.  But all I can seem to do is curl up on the sofa, knit a few stitches and cry at old episodes of The Walton's. 

I wish I could hold onto the feelings I had while I was away.  The feelings I had while meeting new people and experiencing new things.  I know part of this is that I've reached that point where I can't fight off the headaches, can't pretend they aren't there.   Part of it is amazement.  There has been more death in the last 7 weeks than I have ever seen at once.  10 people.  Ten people that I either knew well or knew a member of their family.  It is overwhelming to me right now.  Maybe getting my mojo back has made me a little more susceptible to emotion.  I don't know.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to take a ride to Lynchburg to watch my cousin in a play.  Now there is a funeral to consider.  I don't know which I'll be doing, but I'll be doing something other than sitting on this couch.

I hope you are doing well and I promise to finish the tale of my adventure soon.

love & blessings

1 comment:

Lady Lilith said...

It sounds like you have been and are overwhelmed by the death of loved ones or people you have known plus like you said coming down off your adventure. You may need some time to yourself to regroup.
One piece of advice I can share in dealing with overwhelming emotions is take time for yourself but work in a little bit of what you feel you need to do ...even if that means acting opposite. This way you will give yourself the emotional rest and calm you need and still satisfy your need to stay on top of your household...even if this is just keeping your dishes up for the day or cleaning the bathroom for the day etc. The main point though is don't force yourself to do so much that you cause yourself more distress.
Personally I can become overwhelmed really easy so I have lots of practice in this area. When overwhelmed I take care of myself and will then make a short list to accomplish so I stay engaged with structure and schedule.

Thinking of you through this difficult time,