taking steps for change...

As you know, I started walking back in September (I think).  I started out slow and built up until I was walking just over 3 miles several times a week.  I was trying to go for every day and some weeks I made that goal and some weeks I didn't.  A lot of time it was due to very cold temps and/or lots of rain.  At first, I didn't let the rain stop me.  Then it turned cold and well...I got sick.  

Keeping all that in mind, and what I would like to continue to accomplish with moving my body, I decided to take advantage of a perk that came with my new health insurance.  (Actually, I made the decision to change it just so I could use this perk, as my old insurance didn't offer it.)  

 The perk being a free fitness center membership.  I investigated several neighboring centers and settled on the local YMCA.  I'm very happy with it so far.

After spending a few days using the treadmill and wanting to use other equipment but not having any sense of how or when or to what purpose, I broke out my courage and signed up for a personal trainer.  

At our first meeting she made a few suggestions that have already made a big impact.  

I must record every bite of food and drink I put in my body.  I'll be honest, this is hard.  See, despite my size, I'm not one to eat much.  I rarely eat more than one meal a day and maybe a little bit of snacking.  I'm just not hungry most of the time.  

I must also eat at least three meals a day although she wants me to eat 4-5 small meals.  Well, all my meals are small.  I already eat smallish servings.  I've been eating like this for four days and I can't tell you how much food I'm eating.

Well, actually I can.  In order to record it accurately I have to measure everything!  Even if something is a single serving (like that yogurt cup down there) I have to measure it to make sure it is accurate.  Mentally, it seems like a lot of food, but when it is measured it really isn't, I guess.

It seems like I spend a good portion of my day on this.  I'm usually gone to the Y for a couple of hours (that includes the drive to and from).  I feel like it is taking over my life and yet, it doesn't feel like a bad thing.

G (my trainer) says I won't always have to measure. Once my eyes/brain adjust to seeing the sizes it will come naturally.  

I like the Y.  I like the people, the setting, the pool (yes I've swum (swam?) a couple of times and plan to do more.  But... I miss my outside walks.  When I signed up I was only planning to go to the Y when the weather was not conducive to my walking outside.  So far, that hasn't really happened. 

Yesterday, I did my treadmill for 1.5 miles then switched to the bike.  As I neared completion of my 30 minutes (it ended up being 2.54 miles) I almost broke into tears.  There were extra pains in my head (in addition to the viciously monstrous lovely pains I always have) and it all just seemed too much.  I managed to hold it together until I finished and made it to the locker room where I hid in the toilet stall and let the tears silently fall for a few minutes.  I kept thinking it was all just too much and I couldn't do it anymore.

I guess it is a constant battle, this personal war I have with myself and things I can and can't do.  These are all good changes I'm making and they should have been done a long, long time ago.  No one pushed me into this (and I've been pushed a lot over my life) and no one said I had to do this.  This was my choice, my decision and I need to stand my it.  Even if I have to spend every minute of my time arguing with myself, I think it will be worth it.
Well...

Time to get my shoes on and head to the Y.  :-)

Thanks for stopping by!
love & blessings
~*~

ps...I know!  Two posts in two days!  Shocker!  :-P  teehee