01 November 2014

back again...

No, I'm not dead.  Although it has seemed that way for the last several months. I think this move was harder for me than expected on a mental, emotional and spiritual level, anyway.  

So I stayed away from blogland.  I stayed away from people in general.  I became pretty much a hermit.  I would only go out to get the mail or take the trash out maybe once a week and only once it was dark out.  I just didn't want to see anyone or anyone to see me.  

I don't really know why.

I'm really sad to say that it became so bad that the day before I was supposed to leave to go to Maryland for the Red Thread Retreat, I typed up an email to the host/instructor to say I wasn't coming.

But I didn't send it.  I sat staring at it for a while.  Then I hit delete and made myself get dressed and go to the store to get the few things I needed to pick up to take with me.  I came home, packed and left the next morning.

It was the BEST decision I have made in a very, very long time.

I really think it saved my life.


Things changed when I hit that delete key.  They changed even more when I arrived at the retreat center.

The support, encouragement, inspiration, confidence, laughter and love that is shared at this retreat is just amazing.

And, I can't state this enough, it saved my life.

They saved my life.  Those ladies, those sweet, caring wonderful women.

I came home renewed and excited.  I've cleaned up the studio for workspace and more.  I've pulled out the camera again.  I've been making art.  I'm happy with the art I'm making.  I have ideas again of things I want to make.  I'm eating healthy again.  I care about living again.

Well, I guess that is what I felt I needed to say my first time back here in blogland.  I spent a few days catching up on the blogs I follow and feel like it's time to return to sharing.

I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween/Samhain.  I kept my ancestor altar lit all day and past midnight.  I'll keep it lit through All Soul's Day as well.  I did a reading last night and as I shuffled, the cards said they wanted a wheel of the year (as it is the witches' new year) instead of my usual celtic cross.  Half way through, an overwhelming need to "use the facilities" hit me and I  found that my nose had started to bleed.  A sign for certain.  I was pleased with the reading but not with how hard it was for me to remember certain aspects of the cards.  I think more work with the cards is called for.

I also spent some time sending out a hello and general call to the spirit world.  Ever since I moved it has been unusually quiet on that front.  In fact the only spirit I had any contact with since moving was a little friend on my trip.  I must say I miss my spirit friends, two in particular.

I did have a response to my hello and felt a few spirits nearby.  Maybe I had unconsciously turned my shingle to closed over the last months.  No matter now.  I have made the decision to turn to open, and open it will stay.  

An interesting (to me anyway) side note to this is that I could feel the pressure in my head building all day, the constant pressure and pain that is always high on the pain scale was heading way above the top.  Once I 'opened' up to the spirits, the pressure eased off a bit and I felt some relief. (Although the pain stayed at the top of the Doctor approved scale as it always does.)  I find this interesting due to having repeatedly been informed by doctors that they can find no physical cause for the constant severe headaches I've lived with for 8+ years.  Anywho... 

I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year.  Eeek!  So planning for the meal and "entertainment" has already begun.  We're planning for the Sunday after Thanksgiving so we can watch the Steelers game too.  But, if the game isn't on TV then we will meet on Saturday for our meal and then go to the restaurant where we meet with the local Steelers Fan Club for game time on Sunday.  :-)

Well,  I believe I've rambled enough.  I'm off to piddle around the house and maybe see what I can get up to in the studio.  I'm painting a shelf that I need to hang and need to get that done so I can have my space back for making art.


ps...I'll post more about the retreat another day.  It deserves a post all on it's own. 


Kelly said...

Hello, I see ur finding your way back!
Just was over at Vanessa's and read your reply. I did wonder why we didn't see you at her Halloween party! Super glad to see that you are feeling better! Welcome back!;)

Laura Morrigan said...

Sometimes life can be SO overwhelming, I know how you felt! I have definitely had times like that! I am so glad that the Red Thread Event got you back out there! Sometimes I think these hard events might happen to direct us in a new, better direction! Sending hugs and well wishes! Good luck with your art.

Another Laura.

Jennifer said...

I am so glad you have found your way through the darkness and back out into the light. I am happy to see you blogging again as well! Perhaps you needed to retreat and regroup for a few months, while it may have been painful it may have been also just what you needed at this time. Sending so much love to you and looking forward to future posts!

Kristin said...

Im SO happy you hit Delete! You were called to go to the retreat and it seems like it was just what you needed. I too can get to that place where I just want to hide and stay in - and art really does help! Congratulations on getting past it and good luck with your Thanksgiving plans! xoxo

Ms Misantropia said...

Welcome back to the blog world!

laoi gaul~williams said...

welcome back!!! although i have been away from blogging too, have been a bit like you really-embracing hermitude.

i am really looking forward to hearing about your retreat :)

Magic Love Crow said...

I am so happy to see you back Laura! I have went through some of what you were talking about this year! In July and August, I felt like a caged cat! But, then, I didn't want to go outside! For me, from the beginning of January, I felt there is so much change around me. I still feel it and my mind goes to other places. But, I am getting better now. I am so happy you hit that delete button! Proud of you! Happy for you! Big Hugs xoxoxo