rainy sunday...

Rainy.  That's been our weather for several days now.  I'm not complaining.  We need the rain, not as badly as others, but I'll take it.  Falling asleep with cool air blowing through the windows and the sound of raindrops.  Autumn goodness.

There's been apple desert.  I'm not sure if it should be considered a crumble, a pie or a whatchamacallit.  I used the failed biscuits as the bottom "crust".  Then filled the pan with my Grandmother's Apple Pie filling.  The topping is a sort of crumble.  It is really good, when warmed.

I made the soup that I mentioned two posts ago.  Oh. My. Goodness!  So very delicious!  I didn't have chorizo, so I used a local sausage.  I cut the recipe in half since it's just me.  It is wonderfully delicious and I highly recommend it.  The only thing I will do differently next time (and there will be many next times) is to cut back on the crushed red peppers.  

During a break in the rain this morning, I went out with my camera for a little macro play.  I love getting shots like that.  Seeing those tiny details brought out.  I'm thinking of taking a basic photography class.  With my social anxiety issues, I don't know if it is something I can do, but maybe I can gain the courage to try.

Today is the first day in eight days that I've not taken a walk.  Not a stroll, but a fast paced walk.  Some days when I walk, it is very hard to move and very hard to breathe.  Some days it is better.  I'm proud of myself for going when I get back and feel good that I'm making the effort.  But today...well, I may still make it out there today, but I'm feeling so icky that I just don't know.  Which leads to my feeling bad about myself.  Sort of.  

I've been doing this every day for a few weeks now.  I discovered it via Aine's blog.  It feels good when I say this.  It feels good when I think about it.  And on days like today, when I just can't do something I know I should, I don't feel so bad about myself as I would have in the past.  I don't beat myself up about things like this.  Which is a very good thing.

thanks for stopping by, 
love & blessings
~*~

ps...don't forget to take a peek at tonight's full blood moon & eclipse!  I'm hoping the clouds will part here so I can see it. xo

a few favorites

Hello out there.  I hope you are doing well.  I've been playing around more and feeling a bit better.  There has been bread made (Pastor Ryan's Bloomin' Herb Bread) and an Amish Friendship Bread starter, well...started and my Grandmothers recipe for banana bread.   There have been trips to the farmer's markets, flowers, beautiful sunsets, dragonflies and signs of Autumn.  

This morning it was 63 degrees when I woke at 6:30.  I have been sleeping with my bedroom windows open at night and loving the cool air.  About an hour was spent out on the patio yesterday pulling weeds and cleaning up.  I spent another hour this morning before heading out to the grocer.  That seems to be a good amount for me.  I can get a fair bit done and not have my body revolt.

I seem to be fascinated by light lately.  I watch as the sun moves across the sky and I follow the patterns that it creates on objects in my home.  There was an amazing sunset the other night that I almost missed.  I was working on my practice crochet blanket and happened to look up.  A hint of orange caught my eye so I went to the front windows.  The sight that met my eyes was stunning.  Streaks of orange against gray and pink.  It was beautiful.  The bottom photo above is from that sunset.  It doesn't do it justice, but it is a nice image to help me remember.  

August is almost over.  It is always my most difficult month to get through, as so many that I love have passed over in this month over the years.  I did small remembrance posts on Instagram on the appropriate days for my Grandparents.  I wanted to do something, but wasn't up to Facebook or even a post here.   

That is about all I have to share today.  I have a couple of ideas for posts in mind that I'll start working on to share in the next few days.  I really want to be here more and am going to work towards that goal.  

What is your current fascination?

blessings
~*~

a little bit

It has been a difficult few days since last I posted.  The new meds I'm taking are making me very lethargic and disoriented.  I'm sleeping anywhere from 12 to 15 hours a day.  It is reeking havoc on me, yet I must push through and give it a chance.  I was told the drowsiness would fade over time and that it could take up to four weeks for there to be any changes to my headaches.  Not quite a week down, 3 to go.  

I signed up for an online retreat called Woman Unleashed.  It seems pretty neat.  It is just starting, but I'm already enjoying it.  I'm making myself find the energy and motivation to get in the studio and play,  even if just for a little bit.  That last photo above shows the journal cover I made for the retreat.

I hope everyone is having a good week.  Any fun activities or exciting surprises going on in your life?

blessings
~*~

nonsense

It's been a long couple of days.  This is the first I've felt somewhat normal since Monday.

Tuesday was doctor day, long trip each way, then errands and home.  He's given me a new med to try.  I started it Tuesday evening and have felt pretty much a zombie until a few little bit ago.  I could barely hold my eyes open and have slept most of two days away.  I'm to try this drug for 4 weeks and if no change in my headaches, he gave me another prescription that I'm to start.  I'll also be having a new MRI run in two weeks.  My last was in 2013 so he wants to see if there are any changes.

We've had several days of late afternoon/early evening rainstorms, recently.  I went out Tuesday (or maybe it was Monday) after one of them and snapped a few photos.  I love the red veins that show on the mum in the bottom photo.  

I've missed out on the Perseids.  I'm hoping to be able to try tonight to see if they can be seen.  I hope I'm not too late.

Tomorrow is the new moon and I'm looking forward to doing a bit of work.  The last month I've been remembering who and what I am and doing the work that needs to be done.  When I do, I feel like I fit in my skin again.  For so long I've felt apart from myself, as if I didn't really belong in my body.  That feeling is leaving now, a little at a time.  If I persevere I know I'll get where I need to be when I should.

Well, I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.  Do you have any big plans for the New Moon?

blessings
~*~

returning

Hi there.  Yes, it's me.  I have no idea why I haven't been here, or much of anywhere really.  The photos above are some of the best of the few I've taken since December. 

I'm slowly trying to make my way back into the world.  Another hermit phase seems to be coming to a close, hopefully.  I hope you have all been well.  What's going on in your world?  Any big gardens growing out there?

blessings
~*~ 

the new neighborhood...

I think I am all Tea Partied out!  It took me several days to get through all the parties and I tried to reply to each comment but I'm not sure if I did or not.  If you commented and didn't get a message from me, I want to say Thank You for visiting and for commenting.  I was overwhelmed with all the lovely comments in such a good way.


I'm still settling in to my new place.  I need to hang pictures, set up altars and finish un-boxing the studio, but I'm taking my time and going through every item to put in it's proper place or decide if it needs to be donated.  I can't begin to tell you how many books I have donated.  In fact I have two boxes ready to take.  
Since the house isn't really photo ready, I thought I'd show you a little of my outdoor neighborhood.  

This is what is on the other side of my fence.  When I open my gate, I get to see this little pond.

These guys hang out in the pond a lot, as well as turtles and frogs. 

Oh my,  the frogs!  I've never seen so many frogs!  And those little suckers are fast.  I keep trying to get a good photo of them, but so far no go.  I'll keep working on it though.  

I had no idea the sound they make.  They start up at sunset and sounds very much like a bunch of little dogs dying.  It has taken a little getting used to.  I was sitting on the patio last night and saw at least 6 frogs climbing the walls and downspouts.  

This is my new sky.  It is so pretty.  I can see the moon and the sun come up.  No close trees to block the view but on the other hand, no close trees for shade either. 

And this guy...

 

 ...and his cousins are everywhere!  I've even had a few sneak in the house!

 

The super moon snuck up on me last Friday night while I was working on my MTP post.  I happened to glance out the window as I was going to get a glass of water and there she was.  

I think that is all for today.  Just wanted to share a little of my new world.  I went on a bit of an adventure today and I will share about that next time.

I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend and I'll see you soon.

blessings
~*~
 

checking in...

I made this bouquet on the day I moved out.  I wanted to have a little something of my gardens with me when I left.  I wasn't able to dig up any of my plants that I'd wanted to take with me.  I left behind hydrangeas that my stepmother had gifted me, a eucalyptus that I planted the first year I was there, my first peony, three foxgloves, lily of the valley, hellebore, dahlias and a spirea/snowball bush that had been a baby from my grandparents house.  It was difficult to leave those all behind.  I almost felt like I was leaving the people behind, but I know that is not so.

This is a mini harvest I had just before moving day.  All yummy stuff.

The past month has been a whirlwind of chaos.  Complications arose with the closings, the moving out, the moving in, that packing.  It was so overwhelming and I had a very difficult time functioning at all.  It all worked out in the end but if I ever have to move again, it will not be during Mercury Retrograde.  

Leaving the old house behind wasn't as hard as I'd thought.  And settling into the new place is easier than I thought it would be.  I'm mostly settled in, except for the studio.  I'm working away in there a little bit each day to get all of those tons of boxes unpacked.

I'll have a tour post at a later date.  I just wanted to say hello and let you know that I made it through the move.  Now I have a little tea party to put together.  I don't want to be late for that!!  :-) 


I'll leave you with a photo of last night's sunset after a thunder storm rolled through.

blessings
~*~

ps...see you on Saturday for a Mad Tea Party!

two days worth (long)

yesterday, feeling a bit less wobbly than on thursday, i decided to test my strength and also get away from these four walls. i searched for something fun to dress in, found a skirt i'd had hidden in the closet for two years (tags still on) looked at the size and said now or never. i put it on and found the top i remembered i'd purchased to go with it and with a sweater and my new boots all laced up took a gander at myself and thought... i look a bit like an old fashioned school marm!



so off i went, to my work, to deliver that bread i baked a few days before. i ended up spending over two hours there, visiting and catching up. i couldn't believe it when i left and realized what the time was. everyone asked about my eye and what had happened and all said how they wanted me back ever so soon. i was able to see where my new area will be and it looks like i will have a nice setup and will get to make a nice little cubbiehole for myself. sigh...

i had a few dizzy spells while there but after sitting and resting i felt okay so i proceeded on with my plans for the day and next up was a trip to the library. i haven't been in years. my nose is so persnickety these days and i've been worried about how sensitive i would be to bringing in books from the library but after realizing how badly i need something new to read and how i just can NOT purchase new books like i want to, this seemed the only way. so...i picked up a few books...



then i went to see my mum, had lunch with her and came home with a turkey leg and the ham bone (with extra meat). i don't know if one turkey leg is enough to make stock with or not. any suggestions as to what i could do with it? she gave me some extra turkey meat too.

anywho, i made a stop at the grocers for a quick thing or two and came out with four bags. do you do that? go in for one or two things but just can't stop? i do that everywhere. i have such bad impulse control when shopping.

i have been craving collard greens and somehow missed them at the grocers so this morning to the farmers market i went, fingers crossed that they were still open this late in the year and surely someone would have collard greens. well, they were there, and busy! i bought apples and collards and that is all. i passed on the beautiful french hubbard pumpkins, nosegay bouquets, cyclamens, poinesettas, paperwhites and christmas cactus. aren't you proud? i wanted to bring them all home to live here in the cottage. but no, i said to myself, when you are feeling better and able to take better care of yourself, then you can bring more plant friends home!

oh, where was i? yes, so i left the market quite proud of myself. went to run for yet another prescription from the pharma and came home. then got a bee in my bonnet that i wanted to string fairie lights around my front porch. i get out my steppy stool and ms. hammer. find my little cup hooks (they seem to be perfect for hanging strings of fairie lights) and realize i don't have enough little cup hooks. so with the bee stinging away in my bonnet i grab my purse and keys and head to the dollar store. where they have NO CUP HOOKS. :( light bulbs - yes, they have those and i'd forgotten them at the grocers the day before so i'll get them; a little glass plate for setting candles on to catch the wax so as not to mess up the table - check, oh yes, you can never have too many of those in a cottage that almost always has candles burning; scotch tape - 2/$1 only you just bought tape at the pharma and it was only 1 roll not two and it was over two dollars and change so oh yes, most definitely i'll take that thankyouverymuch.

bee still buzzing even more determinedly i then go to the grocers, yes...again! i'm only going in for little cup hooks, i know exactly where they are. i don't even need a buggie or a little hand held carrier. i know just what i need. oh look! the candy canes i was looking for yesterday! and they're on SALE! well, just one package. okay, now to the cup hooks. hmmm...while i'm here i might as well see if they've restocked their pumpkin since they seem to be out the last several times i've been. no, no pumpkin, oh there's the manager, let me just ask..oh here it is, thanks so much. yes...four cans of pumpkin, i think i do need a carrier after all.

well...much more was bought, this and that...not too much more, just a few things that i need for various recipes that i've seen that i've wanted to make. but i did get the cup hooks! (i've only achieved one anchored in the porch ceiling so far - but it will be done by end of friday. it was just sooo cold! and i was soooo tired!)

did i mention the weather here? cold! very cold! which i love. but i only love it when it is accompanied by snow. so when the forecasters started talking about snow this weekend, i didn't want to get too excited. they've lied to me before afterall. many times. but they kept saying it, a dusting they said, over and over...a dusting...



and around noon...it started...



and just before dark it looked like this...



squee! i went out and played in it earlier in the day. this first snowfall of the winter brings a bittersweet joy. oh how my beastie boy would have loved this. while i wandered snapping photos of this or that i looked around for him and realized he wasn't there rooting and romping in the snow. but it is still snow and i am still just as much in love with it, and with winter, as i always have been.

supposedly the snow is to continue to fall through the night until early morning. so there may be even more when i wake. i'm sure to be looking out the window every once in a while to see if there is more snow falling. and as the temps aren't to get out of the 30's for the next several days, it may hang around for a bit.

i hope that your weekend is going well and that there is some happy thing brightening your days and nights...

blessings
~*~


ps... i also hope i didn't bore you wonky with all my little rambling. :)

pps...about that skirt - when i first purchased it two years ago it was at the end of winter and it is a wool skirt and lined to boot and i didn't get a chance to wear it before the hot weather came. when winter came around again, it was too small... :( the now or never is because, well, it is too BIG! yep! TOO BIG! i had to keep hiking it up all day! it is an elastic waist so i can take it in or rather i can find someone who knows what they are doing and have them take it in for me and maybe can wear it another season. :) yippee for too big clothes!

another round of ramblings

i've been taking it easy today. sitting on the sofa either reading my book or reading my favorite blogs. there was even a short nap involved. to me, december first ushers in the beginning of winter. yes, i know the "official" start isn't until the 21st, but i'm a rebel. :P

so the past few days have been busy. taking all the fall decor away(finally) and putting out my winter decor here and there. i decided not to put up a tree this year and i'm okay with that. i also took the time to create an actual meal. yeah, using pots and pans, real food, spices, ingredients. i know...shocking... i'd been surviving on crackers and cheese, pb&j half sandwichs, mini bags of popcorn and thanksgiving celebration leftovers for the past two weeks. i think i've mentioned my lack of appetite before, so it makes it hard to cook as i never want to eat and i've now got this constant pressure sitting in my throat and diaphram area. ugh.



but it was nice to take the time and effort to put a meal together. it wasn't a lot, green beans, baked chicken in a mushroom sauce with cheese over penne pasta. and i can eat on it all week. i also ended up making pumpkin bread that same night. (that was a huge mess as the big cans i'd bought a few weeks ago and was so excited to use turned out to not be pumpkin but PUMPKIN PIE MIX! and i'd already added in all the spices to the mix and was adding what i thought was pumpkin last!) ugg...turned out pretty good. i was planning to take it in to my co-workers this morning but had a little dilemma last night that kept me from being able to go out today. (more on that in a bit)

yesterday, mum took me out for lunch and a little shopping and window shopping. i picked up a few of the gifts i need to get for holiday presents. then we took a stroll through williams-sonoma (i drooled the whole time) and i went into anthropologie and drooled some more...

after lunch, it was time for my hair appointment. i'd been looking forward to it for a while. time for coloring and we added more purple this time. :) i wish we'd done it in bigger streaks but next time we will, she's already said. i just really like having it there, even if it doesn't show up a lot it makes me happy knowing it is there.

so last night i started a new medication. the doctor had warned me that i would need to rise from bed slowly because it could cause me to be lightheaded. around 3 am i woke needing to use the facilities. so i sat up in bed and waited about 5 minutes before i stood up and went into the bathroom. next thing i know, i'm waking up on the bathroom floor. i felt like i was having a seizure. i crawl back to the toilet (i know...tmi) and then... that's right...i'm waking up on the floor again. this time though i must have hit my head on the sink because i've got quite the bump on my face. and my head is hurting much more than it usually does. i was finally able to get myself finished and back to bed. my face is bruised and swollen, both knees bruised, neck, shoulders, arms hurting. head is very much hurting. this morning when i woke, i sat up very slowly in bed. then i just sat there for about half an hour before i would even attempt to stand up. every step was like walking through a very narrow tiny tunnel and scared me so.



hence the coziness photo as i was afraid to lay back in the bed, since it takes so long to get up once i've had a lie in and why i settled myself on the sofa. i did talk with the doctor's office about another medicine that we are having problems getting approved through insurance and while i had the lady on the phone i mentioned the fainting and she said not to take it again since i've only taken the one dose. (yes, ONE pill did that to me) and i have an appointment to see the doctor on monday so can discuss these concerns with him then.

i'd like to extend another thankyousoverymuch to those who have commented and sent me messages of guidance and hope in my struggles with my health. it means a lot to me. i am trying, using your encouragement, your words, to step outside of myself a little each day and to try for some joy, some happiness to make each day a little brighter. maybe, i reason with myself, a little brightness one day, will lead to a little more brightness the next, and so on and so forth. i know you all know what i mean. i read it in your blogs, see how you all have so much joy and happy to share. and i admire how you do it time and time again. maybe you do have hardships and sadness, but you don't seem to show it. i am one who says what i feel. which is why there are sometimes long silences here. because i know the dreary becomes overwhelming and i don't want to spew it too far or wide. i don't want to always be known for bringing drab and sad to people.

well...i'm off to search the internets for some self learning instructions on how to crochet. i'm so inspired by lucy and many others and want to learn to make granny squares. :)

blessings
~*~

just like the leaves of autumn...

i keep falling... and falling... no matter how many different places i get raked to or piles i get swept up into, i take my punches, take my beatings and fall, farther and farther... i keep wondering where the bottom is... and just how far i have to fall before i find it...

blessings
~*~

gone too quickly

october is going by too quickly for me... i want more fall days (i know november will have them but they just aren't quite the same as october fall days...)

the past two weeks have been a blur...hospital was not a pleasant experience...i had a male version of nurse ratchet who insisted that he had to push down on the incisions at my groin every 15 minutes...i swear i wanted to rip his arms off or better yet a lower portion of his anatomy. the surgery was a bust, as the pressure gradient was in the quite normal range and so no stint was placed. this leads us back to the drawing board completely and makes me very sad. i must admit i placed all my hopes for any relief on this stinting happening and clearing up the flow and thus relieving the pain...

my neurologist has given up now and turned me over to the other neuro-specialist that he recommended me to whom i can't get in to see until early december...i've called their office and practically did i beg for them to see me sooner or at least prescribe something! i am off on tuesday to the optical specialist to see about the other issues that have been discovered throughout this process that are "unexplainable"... i am quite seriously sick of doctors and tests, aren't you?

a few days of recovery at home after hospital and i was whisked off by my mum with a couple of her friends for a few days stay in our mountain home. it was wonderful to go and be there, i know i've expressed before my absolute love of those mountains and our home there. the weather lovely (i could have done with a bit colder during the day) the nights were fabulously chilly and allowed for roaring fires...



leaf turning peak is a big deal up there and we arrived near to peak, i believe



we spent several days shopping...going from store to store and town to town. i was so exhausted each night but instead of getting to rest, we played games until late at night. the last night we were there i went to bed early (around 10:45) and was awoken at 1am to the sounds of something crawling across the ceiling...seems the day before when we'd had the handyman come round to patch some holes in the fascia at the roof he ended up trapping a raccoon in the attic! it sounded HUGE and PISSED! i removed myself to the downstairs and stayed on the couch until morning as i just new it was going to claw it's way through my wall right at my head... but it seems s/he made an escape between the wee hours of 4am and 7am by knocking a board out of the attic fascia on the outside of the house. the handyman came back after we had left for home and was going to set a live trap so as to be able to set him/her free somewhere else if he/she returned. he's not called us so we take this to mean the bugger did not get back in the attic.



there were lots of displays all over town, lots of cute shops and cute items i wanted to purchase. the only thing i bought was a hat...i found one that actually looked good on my, a first! and so had to have it! i also found the most marvelous chocolate shop...i did get any pictures but when i go back i will ask if they will let me take some...it was a cross between Sally's shop in Practical Magic and Vianne's shop in Chocolat...and it was all decorated for halloween...so lovely!

i've finally caught up on all my blog reading...it took several days and i'm enjoying all the parties that i missed...you are all so very creative!

there is much to do this week, more doctors, meetings with people from work and our benefits to apply for disability (did i mention my leave from work has been extended through january) and there is lots of yard work that needs to get done. i'm even hoping to possibly get some garlic planted...maybe...

blessings
~*~

farmers market wednesday

it took me three days to get through all the practical magic blog party participants list. it was so much fun and i really loved it. i wasn't that happy with my post, but all those lovely comments that were left for me made me feel much better about it.

yesterday was a beautiful fall day but i never got any pictures. rain moved in early this morning and has been a steady visitor along with a very cool 65 degrees. it is fabulous! but the rain does prevent me from working in the garden, which had been on today's agenda, so i hied myself off to the local farmer's market in town as i hadn't been in it feels like ages!
i picked up some yummy yellow squash, a nice bunch of basil, a pretty hunk of ginger (which i plan to tincture) and some lovely apples -all of which i didn't photograph...

i also picked up these


and this lovely was waiting just for me...

my first pumpkin - i'll be heading out in the next day or so to the big farmers market on the outskirts of town hunting more pumpkins... i've loved watching Vanessa's pumpkin growing odyssey over this summer and have decided to collect as many pumpkins as i can and save the seeds in hopes of having my own magic pumpkin garden next year...

in other news, my leave from work has been extended indefinitely. my doctor wrote me out "until further notice" so there is no return date looming over me. honestly, part of me is very worried about this - but only because of the financial aspect of it. the other part, the part that doesn't miss the stress, the games and the bs is well...thrilled. i have no idea how this will all work out but i'm determined to not stress out over it. i'm determined to have faith that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be and that all i need will be provided for me. i am remembering this word and what it means.

i'm going to head off for now, i have many things i've been working on this week and need to get back to them...
blessings
~*~