mistakes

have you ever made a mistake?  a mistake that felt so devastating at the time that all you could do was hide in a dark corner and cry?  the pain so intense that it is smothering?  an outlet must be found,  something/anything that will distract you or cover the pain you feel?  even if the distraction is another mistake, a problem in and of itself...

yesterday was one of those days.  it started out bad but seemed to be getting better.  then - BAM! 
a hard public punch to the gut, a slap in the face.  i kept myself together until i arrived home.  the moment i crossed the threshold, i broke down.  blinds were drawn, doors closed.  too much...too much pain, too much embarrassment.   too many thoughts - "stupid!  why do you keep letting this happen?" " how much of a moron can you be?"

i really thought that was it...the final straw, so to speak. 

i hid the rest of the night - kept to myself - no phone, no internet

this morning, i sucked it up and looked for a way to fix it.  by the end of the day, it was taken care of

i hate how it was resolved, but there wasn't another option

i guess i'll come out of my corner now

try to figure out how to make certain i never make this mistake again.

i can do that,  be more careful, more aware.
i have to...

blessings
~*~

ps...due to the big mistake i won't be participating in the Halloween Party hosted by A Fanciful Twist.  i hope you'll take a gander at Vanessa's party.  i know it will be fab!  i will visit those who do host their own party.  i'm just going to think of it as having more time to plan for next year.  :-/

pps...i can't stop listening to this song (sorry bout the adverts)...and this one.  i know... i'm weird.  i don't mind.

a bit of this and that...

Hellooo!  I hope this finds you all doing well.  It is really just a little update post, not much going on.  Or rather a lot that isn't getting anywhere right now.  Do you like my top photo?  I went to edit it to add the  copyright info and found that picmonkey has their Halloween tools available.  Very cute stuff... so I just started playing.  Anywhoo...those are some beautiful mums I picked up and a few new pumpkins that I found all at my local Farmer's Market.  I love that place.

I've been itching to get my hands in yarn again and I'd recently found two patterns I really wanted to work on.  One is a scarf for a sweet boy I know.  His favorite colors are red and blue so I figure I'll give it a go.  (Of course I went to start on it earlier and found I don't have the right size needles, so I'll hit the local yarn shop later today and pick some up.)  I also got yarn for what looks like a super easy hat.  I'm hoping it is as once I make it if it goes well that may become what I give as Yule/X-mas gifts this year.  The rainbow hued one on top is just cause it was so pretty and such neat looking yarn.  Who knows what that will be used for...

And our last picture shows the progress I made this week on installing a new flower bed in my yard.  I started out cleaning up the one beside the drive (which is all ivy and was taking over the driveway).  Then I started working my way to the back along the fence to add the new bed.  I got about half done before my body just gave out.  I think I worked for about 6 hours and was on a double dose of pain meds at the time.  I tried to go out the next day to finish up, but I had no strength in my hands and could barely stand to bend over, much less try to dig out the grass and weeds.  When this bed is finished I'll move my lone rose bush from in front of the house (where it doesn't get enough sun) to the middle of the new bed.  Eventually it will be filled with peonies, roses and all sorts of flowers.  I hope to get it finished up next week.

I'm in full planning mode for all the events coming up this month.  I will be attending the Red Thread Retreat at the end of the month so have been collecting supplies that I need for that.  I also signed up for another art course.  This one, also with Lesley Riley, looks like just what I need to get me going and I'm very excited about it.  And, of course, there is the fantastically magical Halloween Party hosted by the lovely and talented Miss Vanessa of A Fanciful Twist. 

Do you think that is enough fun for one month?  Oh wait... I forgot about the actual Halloween!  I don't have plans for that night, except to give out candy to any neighborhood trick or treaters that stop by.  Hopefully I'll have quite a few so that I don't get stuck with lots of leftover candy. 

Well, I'm off to start that hat - since I can't sleep, I might as well be productive, right?

love & blessings
~*~

Let's go to a party...

Can you feel that?  That tingle in the air, the crisp breeze that whispers of wizardry.  It's time for a party. 

Time to take a trip to A Fanciful Twist and see what magic Vanessa will conjure up for us.  I can't wait for the party and hope that you can join us.

love & blessings
~*~

all caught up...

I did it!  I finally (thanks to a few sleepless night - with no thanks to Facebook games) am caught up on my blog reading!  So now that I'm all caught up with you, let's talk about me!  ha ha!  (sorry - lack of sleep induced babbling may follow.)

Today it at last feels like autumn.  Right after Mabon we had another heat wave come through and take the temps up into the mid to high 80s.  Today it is 62 and has been raining off and on (mostly on) since last night.  I love it!  I've been piddling around the house today, doing this and that and a little laundry. 

---------

I wrote the above text late yesterday afternoon.  I planned to come back and finish off the post but ended up going to bed instead.  Reading it, I'm amazed at the difference in moods in a little over 12 hours.  I was pretty giddy yesterday (despite the dreary, wet day) and today, with the sun out and the birds singing, all I want is to crawl back in bed and hide under the covers.

What makes our moods shift so?  What makes us go from happy to sad, or vice versa, in the blink of an eye?  Things to ponder...

I had so much I wanted to share yesterday - but it is all gone from my head now.  Perhaps it will come to me later.  Right now, there is a roast in the ice box that has had my name on it for several days but kept getting interrupted and not getting to cook it up.  I'm trying a new to me recipe from The Pioneer Woman.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

blessings
~*~

Hi...remember me?

So yes, I've been away.  I can't believe how long it's been since I've even been in blog-land.  Last I remember I was planning a post at the beginning of September about the month of August and what it means to me.  And here it is...almost the END of September.

There have been many things that have kept me away.  Various issues with medicines, a health issue for my mum and some just general things that aren't any excuse for neglecting my friends in blog-land.  Not that I think you all can't live without me.  ;-)      But it is hard to explain what some of you mean to me - reading about your lives and your creativity.  You help me to keep going, did you know that?  Well, it's true.

So, I'm just dropping in quickly with a few words and a few pictures to say hello, I'm still here and I'll be here.  So, hello autumn, welcome back.  And for those friends I have who live on the other side of the globe, enjoy your spring.  :-)

I've lots of catching up to do.  Take care of yourselves.

blessings
~*~


PS...don't take a single moment for granted.  that is something I'm trying to learn and remember. 

PPS...love yourself for who you are, even if you don't always like what you see in the mirror (or in the lens of a camera).

more random ramblings...

 When I mowed the back yard on Monday, this is what I found.  Isn't it beautiful?  I planted this dahlia two springs ago.  It is the only one I have and I always forget how late it blooms, so I forget I have it.  I found at least three buds on it.  I keep going out every day to see how it is doing.

 This was dinner tonight.  I made biscuits and had them with butter and peach jam.  I went the easy way and made them with Bisquick but they were pretty good.  The jam is my first attempt at peach freezer jam.  I was very worried, but it was so delicious!  I need loaf bread so I can have a peanut butter and peach jam sandwich.  :-)

Getting back into the blogging habit is harder than I thought it would be.  I think of things that I want to post about, but never at times that I can get to the computer.  Then I want to have nice photos and have become addicted to editing them first and putting on these cute borders.  It takes time, but it's fun.  I'll get there.  I am doing better with keeping up with my blog roll, so that is something.

August is now half over and September (and Autumn) are on their way.  I've been able to turn off the A/C and tolerate the temperature during the day.  At night the temps are dropping to the low 60's, so it is perfect open window sleeping for me.  I'm hoping for another trip to the mountain house soon. 

I'm starting to get into the mood for Autumn.  I'll start changing out my decor for fall in September.  Meanwhile, it is time to plan the fall garden.  The beans are just about done producing, so I'll need to pull them out soon and plant something else.  Well, I'm off.  I hope you are all having a lovely week.

blessings
~*~

saturday ramblings

Hello there!  It's good to come back after all the tea party madness.  Thank you very much to everyone who stopped by.  That was my first time participating in one of Miss Vanessa's soiree's and I must say I had soooo much fun!   If you'll notice in the above picture, I managed to make my way to a big box book shop earlier this week and picked up a few things.  The magazine has a feature on Miss Vanessa and I was thrilled to find a copy.  One of the things that I realized while prepping for the Mad Tea Party was that I have never actually read Lewis Carroll's books. (I've seen both the Disney animated movie and Tim Burton's version.) So, I picked up a copy.  I will be even more prepared for next year's party.


 Check out what a good friend presented me with this week.  Yes, that it is...my very own Lily Munster doll!  Isn't it just fab!!  I love it!!  We have this little joke between us.  I'm Lily and she's Morticia (Addams - from the Addams Family).  I can't wait to add her to my collection.

 Dinner tonight.

 A fresh bell pepper from the garden, stuffed with chicken & rice w/mushrooms that I had leftover.  I like being able to mix something new from leftovers.  This was delicious!

Pumpkin blossoms on the vine.  I so, so hope these will turn into little pumpkins.

Last, but certainly not least, my san marzano tomatoes.  I cannot wait to taste them.  If they turn out to be half as good as I'm expecting, then I will order seeds early as opposed to trying starters.  I went through four starter plants and this is the only one that survived.

If you've been with me for a while, you may remember that August is not my favorite month of the year.  August means many things to me.  Heat, start of school (the busiest month in my previous employ).  On top of being unbearably hot (to me anyway), bad things seem to always happen in August.  I am so happy that the month is already almost half over.  I am very hopeful to make it through this month without anything bad happening.  There are a few good things about August and as I'm trying very hard to be grateful and recognize the good - instead of dwelling on the bad - August means that fall is on the way and of course, football.  :-)

I need to get started on my fall garden planting.  I need to decide what to plant, maybe some kale (for making soup) and collards (because I love, love, love collard greens).  Oh, and garlic...lots of garlic.  Do you have a garden?  What do you plant in the fall?  I would love some suggestions. 

I just wanted to pop in for a brief ramble.  I've laundry in the dryer and dishes that won't wash themselves.  I hope that you are having a marvelous weekend.  I really am going to try to be around more on here and also stopping by your way.  I'll give a wave when I can.

blessings
~*~

ps...does anyone who uses blogger know how to get those thin black frames off the pictures?  i've hunted through the settings and just can't find anything.  if you know, please drop me a line.  thanks!