Laura and her favorite things...

two days worth (long)

2010-12-04T19:47:00.009-05:00

yesterday, feeling a bit less wobbly than on thursday, i decided to test my strength and also get away from these four walls. i searched for something fun to dress in, found a skirt i'd had hidden in the closet for two years (tags still on) looked at the size and said now or never. i put it on and found the top i remembered i'd purchased to go with it and with a sweater and my new boots all laced up took a gander at myself and thought... i look a bit like an old fashioned school marm!

so off i went, to my work, to deliver that bread i baked a few days before. i ended up spending over two hours there, visiting and catching up. i couldn't believe it when i left and realized what the time was. everyone asked about my eye and what had happened and all said how they wanted me back ever so soon. i was able to see where my new area will be and it looks like i will have a nice setup and will get to make a nice little cubbiehole for myself. sigh...

i had a few dizzy spells while there but after sitting and resting i felt okay so i proceeded on with my plans for the day and next up was a trip to the library. i haven't been in years. my nose is so persnickety these days and i've been worried about how sensitive i would be to bringing in books from the library but after realizing how badly i need something new to read and how i just can NOT purchase new books like i want to, this seemed the only way. so...i picked up a few books...

then i went to see my mum, had lunch with her and came home with a turkey leg and the ham bone (with extra meat). i don't know if one turkey leg is enough to make stock with or not. any suggestions as to what i could do with it? she gave me some extra turkey meat too.

anywho, i made a stop at the grocers for a quick thing or two and came out with four bags. do you do that? go in for one or two things but just can't stop? i do that everywhere. i have such bad impulse control when shopping.

i have been craving collard greens and somehow missed them at the grocers so this morning to the farmers market i went, fingers crossed that they were still open this late in the year and surely someone would have collard greens. well, they were there, and busy! i bought apples and collards and that is all. i passed on the beautiful french hubbard pumpkins, nosegay bouquets, cyclamens, poinesettas, paperwhites and christmas cactus. aren't you proud? i wanted to bring them all home to live here in the cottage. but no, i said to myself, when you are feeling better and able to take better care of yourself, then you can bring more plant friends home!

oh, where was i? yes, so i left the market quite proud of myself. went to run for yet another prescription from the pharma and came home. then got a bee in my bonnet that i wanted to string fairie lights around my front porch. i get out my steppy stool and ms. hammer. find my little cup hooks (they seem to be perfect for hanging strings of fairie lights) and realize i don't have enough little cup hooks. so with the bee stinging away in my bonnet i grab my purse and keys and head to the dollar store. where they have NO CUP HOOKS. :( light bulbs - yes, they have those and i'd forgotten them at the grocers the day before so i'll get them; a little glass plate for setting candles on to catch the wax so as not to mess up the table - check, oh yes, you can never have too many of those in a cottage that almost always has candles burning; scotch tape - 2/$1 only you just bought tape at the pharma and it was only 1 roll not two and it was over two dollars and change so oh yes, most definitely i'll take that thankyouverymuch.

bee still buzzing even more determinedly i then go to the grocers, yes...again! i'm only going in for little cup hooks, i know exactly where they are. i don't even need a buggie or a little hand held carrier. i know just what i need. oh look! the candy canes i was looking for yesterday! and they're on SALE! well, just one package. okay, now to the cup hooks. hmmm...while i'm here i might as well see if they've restocked their pumpkin since they seem to be out the last several times i've been. no, no pumpkin, oh there's the manager, let me just ask..oh here it is, thanks so much. yes...four cans of pumpkin, i think i do need a carrier after all.

well...much more was bought, this and that...not too much more, just a few things that i need for various recipes that i've seen that i've wanted to make. but i did get the cup hooks! (i've only achieved one anchored in the porch ceiling so far - but it will be done by end of friday. it was just sooo cold! and i was soooo tired!)

did i mention the weather here? cold! very cold! which i love. but i only love it when it is accompanied by snow. so when the forecasters started talking about snow this weekend, i didn't want to get too excited. they've lied to me before afterall. many times. but they kept saying it, a dusting they said, over and over...a dusting...

and around noon...it started...

and just before dark it looked like this...

squee! i went out and played in it earlier in the day. this first snowfall of the winter brings a bittersweet joy. oh how my beastie boy would have loved this. while i wandered snapping photos of this or that i looked around for him and realized he wasn't there rooting and romping in the snow. but it is still snow and i am still just as much in love with it, and with winter, as i always have been.

supposedly the snow is to continue to fall through the night until early morning. so there may be even more when i wake. i'm sure to be looking out the window every once in a while to see if there is more snow falling. and as the temps aren't to get out of the 30's for the next several days, it may hang around for a bit.

i hope that your weekend is going well and that there is some happy thing brightening your days and nights...

blessings
~*~

ps... i also hope i didn't bore you wonky with all my little rambling. :)

pps...about that skirt - when i first purchased it two years ago it was at the end of winter and it is a wool skirt and lined to boot and i didn't get a chance to wear it before the hot weather came. when winter came around again, it was too small... :( the now or never is because, well, it is too BIG! yep! TOO BIG! i had to keep hiking it up all day! it is an elastic waist so i can take it in or rather i can find someone who knows what they are doing and have them take it in for me and maybe can wear it another season. :) yippee for too big clothes!

another round of ramblings

2010-12-02T18:54:00.005-05:00

i've been taking it easy today. sitting on the sofa either reading my book or reading my favorite blogs. there was even a short nap involved. to me, december first ushers in the beginning of winter. yes, i know the "official" start isn't until the 21st, but i'm a rebel. :P

so the past few days have been busy. taking all the fall decor away(finally) and putting out my winter decor here and there. i decided not to put up a tree this year and i'm okay with that. i also took the time to create an actual meal. yeah, using pots and pans, real food, spices, ingredients. i know...shocking... i'd been surviving on crackers and cheese, pb&j half sandwichs, mini bags of popcorn and thanksgiving celebration leftovers for the past two weeks. i think i've mentioned my lack of appetite before, so it makes it hard to cook as i never want to eat and i've now got this constant pressure sitting in my throat and diaphram area. ugh.

but it was nice to take the time and effort to put a meal together. it wasn't a lot, green beans, baked chicken in a mushroom sauce with cheese over penne pasta. and i can eat on it all week. i also ended up making pumpkin bread that same night. (that was a huge mess as the big cans i'd bought a few weeks ago and was so excited to use turned out to not be pumpkin but PUMPKIN PIE MIX! and i'd already added in all the spices to the mix and was adding what i thought was pumpkin last!) ugg...turned out pretty good. i was planning to take it in to my co-workers this morning but had a little dilemma last night that kept me from being able to go out today. (more on that in a bit)

yesterday, mum took me out for lunch and a little shopping and window shopping. i picked up a few of the gifts i need to get for holiday presents. then we took a stroll through williams-sonoma (i drooled the whole time) and i went into anthropologie and drooled some more...

after lunch, it was time for my hair appointment. i'd been looking forward to it for a while. time for coloring and we added more purple this time. :) i wish we'd done it in bigger streaks but next time we will, she's already said. i just really like having it there, even if it doesn't show up a lot it makes me happy knowing it is there.

so last night i started a new medication. the doctor had warned me that i would need to rise from bed slowly because it could cause me to be lightheaded. around 3 am i woke needing to use the facilities. so i sat up in bed and waited about 5 minutes before i stood up and went into the bathroom. next thing i know, i'm waking up on the bathroom floor. i felt like i was having a seizure. i crawl back to the toilet (i know...tmi) and then... that's right...i'm waking up on the floor again. this time though i must have hit my head on the sink because i've got quite the bump on my face. and my head is hurting much more than it usually does. i was finally able to get myself finished and back to bed. my face is bruised and swollen, both knees bruised, neck, shoulders, arms hurting. head is very much hurting. this morning when i woke, i sat up very slowly in bed. then i just sat there for about half an hour before i would even attempt to stand up. every step was like walking through a very narrow tiny tunnel and scared me so.

hence the coziness photo as i was afraid to lay back in the bed, since it takes so long to get up once i've had a lie in and why i settled myself on the sofa. i did talk with the doctor's office about another medicine that we are having problems getting approved through insurance and while i had the lady on the phone i mentioned the fainting and she said not to take it again since i've only taken the one dose. (yes, ONE pill did that to me) and i have an appointment to see the doctor on monday so can discuss these concerns with him then.

i'd like to extend another thankyousoverymuch to those who have commented and sent me messages of guidance and hope in my struggles with my health. it means a lot to me. i am trying, using your encouragement, your words, to step outside of myself a little each day and to try for some joy, some happiness to make each day a little brighter. maybe, i reason with myself, a little brightness one day, will lead to a little more brightness the next, and so on and so forth. i know you all know what i mean. i read it in your blogs, see how you all have so much joy and happy to share. and i admire how you do it time and time again. maybe you do have hardships and sadness, but you don't seem to show it. i am one who says what i feel. which is why there are sometimes long silences here. because i know the dreary becomes overwhelming and i don't want to spew it too far or wide. i don't want to always be known for bringing drab and sad to people.

well...i'm off to search the internets for some self learning instructions on how to crochet. i'm so inspired by lucy and many others and want to learn to make granny squares. :)

blessings
~*~

just like the leaves of autumn...

2010-11-26T11:55:00.003-05:00

i keep falling... and falling... no matter how many different places i get raked to or piles i get swept up into, i take my punches, take my beatings and fall, farther and farther... i keep wondering where the bottom is... and just how far i have to fall before i find it...

blessings
~*~

gone too quickly

2010-10-23T17:18:00.008-05:00

october is going by too quickly for me... i want more fall days (i know november will have them but they just aren't quite the same as october fall days...)

the past two weeks have been a blur...hospital was not a pleasant experience...i had a male version of nurse ratchet who insisted that he had to push down on the incisions at my groin every 15 minutes...i swear i wanted to rip his arms off or better yet a lower portion of his anatomy. the surgery was a bust, as the pressure gradient was in the quite normal range and so no stint was placed. this leads us back to the drawing board completely and makes me very sad. i must admit i placed all my hopes for any relief on this stinting happening and clearing up the flow and thus relieving the pain...

my neurologist has given up now and turned me over to the other neuro-specialist that he recommended me to whom i can't get in to see until early december...i've called their office and practically did i beg for them to see me sooner or at least prescribe something! i am off on tuesday to the optical specialist to see about the other issues that have been discovered throughout this process that are "unexplainable"... i am quite seriously sick of doctors and tests, aren't you?

a few days of recovery at home after hospital and i was whisked off by my mum with a couple of her friends for a few days stay in our mountain home. it was wonderful to go and be there, i know i've expressed before my absolute love of those mountains and our home there. the weather lovely (i could have done with a bit colder during the day) the nights were fabulously chilly and allowed for roaring fires...

leaf turning peak is a big deal up there and we arrived near to peak, i believe

we spent several days shopping...going from store to store and town to town. i was so exhausted each night but instead of getting to rest, we played games until late at night. the last night we were there i went to bed early (around 10:45) and was awoken at 1am to the sounds of something crawling across the ceiling...seems the day before when we'd had the handyman come round to patch some holes in the fascia at the roof he ended up trapping a raccoon in the attic! it sounded HUGE and PISSED! i removed myself to the downstairs and stayed on the couch until morning as i just new it was going to claw it's way through my wall right at my head... but it seems s/he made an escape between the wee hours of 4am and 7am by knocking a board out of the attic fascia on the outside of the house. the handyman came back after we had left for home and was going to set a live trap so as to be able to set him/her free somewhere else if he/she returned. he's not called us so we take this to mean the bugger did not get back in the attic.

there were lots of displays all over town, lots of cute shops and cute items i wanted to purchase. the only thing i bought was a hat...i found one that actually looked good on my, a first! and so had to have it! i also found the most marvelous chocolate shop...i did get any pictures but when i go back i will ask if they will let me take some...it was a cross between Sally's shop in Practical Magic and Vianne's shop in Chocolat...and it was all decorated for halloween...so lovely!

i've finally caught up on all my blog reading...it took several days and i'm enjoying all the parties that i missed...you are all so very creative!

there is much to do this week, more doctors, meetings with people from work and our benefits to apply for disability (did i mention my leave from work has been extended through january) and there is lots of yard work that needs to get done. i'm even hoping to possibly get some garlic planted...maybe...

blessings
~*~

Time's Up

2010-10-10T19:02:00.006-05:00

Where have the past two weeks gone? I swear it feels like it just vanished! I had big plans for this past week. A long list of things that I needed to get done. How many have been completed and marked off the list? Maybe 5 things...it was such a long list too! Oh well...

I've gone a little crazy this week...pumpkin crazy! I've never bought so many pumpkins at one time. I'm planning to save seeds from each one and plant pumpkins everywhere next year.

The witch and cats were made by my granddaddy many, many moons ago. He used to set up holiday displays for every holiday, BIG displays. There are pictures somewhere of them, I need to find them and make copies. I remember them when I was a child, I loved them! I think it's time to paint them again...

I'm so glad it is October. The weather for the first part was perfect...highs in the 60's and lows in the 40's. My windows have been open ever since. I love this autumn fresh air. Unfortunately the temps I moved back up into the high 80's the past few days and will stay there until later this week. I'm really looking forward to the cooler weather returning.

I'm off tomorrow for my second opinion with another neurologist. It is in a town about an hour from me and I'm taking advantage of it and going to lunch at a restaurant there. It's a small old home cooking restaurant and is supposed to be really good. I'm always up for good old fashioned southern cuisine...so... :)

This will probably be my last post for a few days, maybe longer. I'm scheduled for surgery on Tuesday and have no idea when I'll be able to get back on the computer. I'm getting really nervous and scared. I'm trying to keep my thoughts positive though. At least I'm decorated for Halloween! All I'll have to do is carve the pumpkin(s) and get the candies for giving out.

I hope you are all enjoying your autumn days. I've been keeping up with all my favorite blogs (shockingly that is over 300!) For obvious reasons I won't be participating in all the upcoming blog parties, but I'll be visiting to see what you wonderful, creative lovelies come up with!

And while I'm thinking about it, I just want to say a big THANKYOUSOMUCH to all of you that read my blog, comment or email me with your thoughts. It is so nice, this blog world, meeting people you would never get to meet otherwise and experiencing that there are people in the world who can care and share with others. Such kind and generous souls I've met through this place. I can't say thank you enough. I honestly don't know if I could have made it this long without you.

blessings
~*~

ps...if you feel so inclined and wouldn't mind maybe lighting a candle or saying a prayer for me on Tuesday morning, I'd be forever grateful! thankyouso! :)

farmers market wednesday

2010-09-29T12:56:00.002-05:00

it took me three days to get through all the practical magic blog party participants list. it was so much fun and i really loved it. i wasn't that happy with my post, but all those lovely comments that were left for me made me feel much better about it.

yesterday was a beautiful fall day but i never got any pictures. rain moved in early this morning and has been a steady visitor along with a very cool 65 degrees. it is fabulous! but the rain does prevent me from working in the garden, which had been on today's agenda, so i hied myself off to the local farmer's market in town as i hadn't been in it feels like ages!
i picked up some yummy yellow squash, a nice bunch of basil, a pretty hunk of ginger (which i plan to tincture) and some lovely apples -all of which i didn't photograph...

i also picked up these

and this lovely was waiting just for me...

my first pumpkin - i'll be heading out in the next day or so to the big farmers market on the outskirts of town hunting more pumpkins... i've loved watching Vanessa's pumpkin growing odyssey over this summer and have decided to collect as many pumpkins as i can and save the seeds in hopes of having my own magic pumpkin garden next year...

in other news, my leave from work has been extended indefinitely. my doctor wrote me out "until further notice" so there is no return date looming over me. honestly, part of me is very worried about this - but only because of the financial aspect of it. the other part, the part that doesn't miss the stress, the games and the bs is well...thrilled. i have no idea how this will all work out but i'm determined to not stress out over it. i'm determined to have faith that i am exactly where i'm supposed to be and that all i need will be provided for me. i am remembering this word and what it means.

i'm going to head off for now, i have many things i've been working on this week and need to get back to them...
blessings
~*~

practical magic

2010-09-24T20:07:00.011-05:00

"he will hear my call from a mile away, he will whistle my favorite song, he can ride a pony backwards..."

"he can flip pancakes in the air and he will be marvelously kind..."

his favorite shape will be a star..."

"Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear you could probably hear the ocean."

"I have this dream of being whole, of not going to sleep each night wanting. But...still, sometimes when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen..."

{many thanks to Anna and Justina for hosting this fabulous party!}

different...

2010-09-21T15:39:00.002-05:00

that is what i thought my life would be... in oh so many ways...

most recently, i thought the leave of absence from work would make for a very different approach to life. i had imagined that if i wasn't spending all my energy trying to make it through the work day, i'd be able to use that energy for creative endeavors...

apparently, i was wrong...

i wish i could say that i had started writing again or drawing or maybe even re-organizing the studio so that i could get in there and create something...anything. But i haven't.

The only creative thing i've done in the past two weeks was knit on a scarf, make a few meals and bake up some pumpkin bread. i did work in the garden a little last week and get the yard mowed. and there have been lots of books (all ones i've read before) and a few movies. but that is truly the extent of how i have spent my time. i spend a lot of time online, reading blogs and being amazed at all that you wonderful souls do... and there is a lot of time wasted on facebook playing vampire wars or farming...i really need to delete that account.

i feel like i'm in a funk again, one that i don't know how to get out of. three weeks from today i'm having surgery again, to put a stint in my head. the pains are not receding at all, and at times feel worse than ever.

i can't go out and go thrifting (which i've been inspired to do by many of you), i can't purchase any new books so that i can have something new to entertain my mind and i can't go find buy any of the new halloween decor that i see in commercials or online. i saw a cake stand at target that i would love to have, but cannot spend on it as i don't have the funds.

the past two nights - within an hour of having dinner - my blood sugars have plummeted and i don't know why. last night was down to 60 but the night before was a 49...it scared me. i was so pale and shaking so badly. i have to figure out what is going on, because if my blood sugar isn't under control they won't do the surgery.

i've just re-read this post and am really not even sure why i'm posting it...but this is my life and what i have to share...

hopefully something better will be on the horizon. (at least there is the Practical Magic Blog Party to look forward to...)

ramblings

2010-09-07T08:51:00.007-05:00

Change has definitely come to my house. The angiogram went well. The only problem I had was that they failed to mention prior to discharge that I couldn't be alone for 24 hours and I ended up having to stay at my mum's. Alone...as she had a bridge game scheduled and couldn't cancel it. Ugh! The procedure did confirm a narrowing of one of the veins. It also showed I have a condition called fibromuscular dysplasia in both of my carotid arteries. They said it shouldn't cause me any additional issues and was something they see a lot in women. I saw my regular neurologist a week after the procedure and he took me out of work. Today is my first official day of medical leave. He's signed me out until October 10th and we will see how I'm doing during this time. I see him again at the end of September and he is likely to extend my leave if there has been no improvement.

It is a very strange feeling to know that I do not have to go to work and that I don't have to feel guilty about not being there. Part of me had hoped that the freedom from the stress of my job would prove to be a miracle and set me free from the migraines. That didn't happen. I'm still having them, as frequently and painfully as ever. It is just nice to know that I don't have to endure the added pain of putting on the brave face. If I feel horrible, I can lie back down until I feel better. I can sit on the back deck in the early morning coolness and think my thoughts and dream my dreams. I can ... dare I say it... relax.

Yes, there is the stress of no income coming in currently. I'm not yet certain how I will manage the bills next month. But this month's bills are paid, there is a full tank of gas in the car and plenty of food in the cupboards and fridge. I'm not going to let myself worry...I am divinely guided and protected at all times. :)

I meet with the radio-neurologist tomorrow to go over the next procedure (the pressure test/possible stint insertion) and to set the date. I'm hoping they will fit me in soon as I'd like to get it over with as soon as possible. I'm even hoping to ask if they can schedule it while my mum is on an out of town trip so I won't have to fight with her about where I'm staying after it is over. :)

This past Saturday I took myself off to the farmers market and picked up some more peaches, green beans, squash and zucchini. I didn't get many green beans, but I went ahead and blanched and froze them for later in the year. I'm going to work on the peaches today and tomorrow. There is only about two weeks left to get them local before the season is over and I'd like to sock some more away before the season is over, as well as more green beans.

Apple season is starting to kick in and I have plans to make an apple pie in the next day or so. Perhaps some apple bread as well. I haven't ever tried to freeze apples, but I may try it this year. I know I'm going to make homemade applesauce as it is much better for me than the store bought.

On Saturday after a bit of shopping and errand running, I decided to work on a project that I'd been wanting to tackle for a while. I took this...

and turned it into this...

I'm not sure if I'm going to leave it like this or just paint it completely white. After I took this photo, I saw a little spot I'd missed and will need to touch up. This is my first attempt at turning something into something else. I have another piece I want to paint. It is a simple light wood plant stand. I'm torn between painting it white or the light blue that I used in the little table above. (It was exterior paint that I had left over from the porch ceiling. I'm actually thinking of repainting the front door this color as the blue that I picked and had painted on the door is much darker than what I originally wanted. Still thinking about that though...

Well, enough of my ramblings for now. I'm off to start a new book and maybe start on those peaches. The nice thing is, that if I don't feel like working the peaches today, there is always tomorrow...

blessings
~*~

Change is in the air...

2010-08-29T06:26:00.005-05:00

there's a change coming... can you feel it?

i know fall will be here soon... it has to be... even though our local temps are supposed to spend the week in the mid 90's.

there are other changes too... another test tomorrow which may reveal some answers... hopefully...

then by the end of the week a really big change. i am not ready to share what it is yet, but i will... this year has been so full of change. through it all i've tried to remember this word ...sometimes with more success than other times...

i'm looking forward to the cooler weather...hopefully i'll be able to get out in the garden a bit when the weather turns, getting it ready for it's winter sleep. i don't plan to plant anything for fall, but rather get as much ready so i can plant in the spring. i still need to pull up the little white fencing i had placed around it to keep the beast out of the garden. i went out friday around dusk to see if there was any to be harvested and ended up getting my foot caught in the between space of the posts and fell pretty hard. nothing broken, thank the goddess, but lots of bruises and scratches.

i'm still trying to do little things to keep my spirits up as best i can. yesterday i went to herbal class, i hadn't been in months, but it felt good to be with like-minded women and work with herbs again. this morning i put together a ginger oil. i've tried making ginger honey before, but it didn't turn out so this time i'm trying an oil and am doing it a little different. i'll let you know how it turns out in about six weeks.

i think i'm off to play in the kitchen now, i feel a need to make banana bread (don't like letting bananas go bad) and i've been ruminating on trying a peach bread. what do you think? i have a lot of peaches and i am not a cobbler fan so i thought maybe a bread? we shall see i suppose...

enjoy your day...

blessings
~*~

things i've seen lately...

2010-08-21T15:21:00.003-05:00

blessings
~*~

the ordeal

2010-08-18T20:13:00.002-05:00

It seems like forever since I've posted. But it's only been a few days really. I've had so much running through my mind that I wanted to post about, but have not been able to find the time or energy.

Remember that test I went for? Well... that was not fun, let me tell ya. I ended up with the positional headaches that they mentioned were a possible side effect. I spent that Saturday and Sunday lying down. On Monday morning I felt like I needed to try to make an effort to go to work and when I got up to feed the kids, there wasn't too much pain so I went ahead and went in. Within about 10 minutes of getting in the car, the pain came back and the longer I sat/stood the worse it got. After an hour at work, I called the Dr and they had me come right in for a blood patch. Basically they draw blood from your arm and then insert it into the area where they did the lumbar puncture so it can clot over the hole and my spine would quit leaking fluid. That procedure caused serious pain in my back and rear-end (pain that has yet to recede). Then I was put on bed rest for 72 hours. Fun...

Anyway, they found that I have elevated cerebral pressure in my skull. More tests (MRA and MRV) revealed that I have a vein in my skull that is narrowed and is causing the blood to not flow out as it should. They also did another brain MRI and found several of the veins in my skull are "extremely prominent". I have no idea what that means. They've now scheduled me for an angiogram at the end of the month to verify for certain that the vein has narrowed. If it has then it will be tested to see what the pressure difference is and then possibly put in a stint to keep it open. I still have lots of tests and procedures to go through but my neurologist is happy that he might have found the cause of the migraines. Of course, he is prefacing everything he says with ..."it may not change the headaches" but he's at least trying.

New meds have created red welts on my face and I've finally hit my limit of what I'll take. It's been 7 months now and not a single medicine that he's prescribed that I have ingested has been of any relief. I'm planning to speak with him tomorrow about allowing me to go off the meds completely. I'm so confused all the time. I've taken to carrying around a pad and pen so that I can write down anything I think so I don't forget to do things. I'm messing up badly at work and it is just well... too much.

Then losing my poor beastie. I'm honestly amazed that I'm still sane. Well, slightly sane I suppose! :)

I have many other ideas for posts and hopefully soon I'll be posting about something not nearly as boring as my health. :/

blessings
~*~

a quick post

2010-08-13T09:58:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry for not being around the past week. Everything has just been overwhelming and between my health and trying to work, I'm left with little time for fun things...like blogging or even reading blogs.

I so appreciate every kind word and thought that you shared with me over the hard decision I had to make last weekend. It was absolute torture, but I know that I did the right thing for him. I still miss him like crazy and sometimes just breakdown and cry about it. I'd like to share my experience with you all but I'm not up to writing about it today. I'll be sure to post a warning at the beginning or in the title so if you don't want to read about it you won't have to. :)

I hope you are all doing well and I plan to get around to some blog reading catch up time today so will be stopping in to see you and find out how things are in your corner of the world.

blessings
~*~

time to say goodbye

2010-08-07T09:10:00.003-05:00

i've been in tears for about the past 12 hours...i realized last night that the time has come...i have to let my beastie boy go... i can see the pain in his eyes, i watch as he stumbles and falls and spends 10 minutes just trying to stand upright and then is frozen in fear of falling again...

i can't take it anymore...he doesn't deserve to suffer so i won't make him...now all i have to do is figure out how to say goodbye in the few hours we have left together...

blessings
~*~

Giveaway Winner

2010-08-04T18:29:00.006-05:00

Well the time has come! Time to announce the winner of my first ever giveaway. I thought and thought of what would be a good and fun way to select the winner. I thought about trying to get one of my cats to do it, but I figured they'd just eat the paper. Then I thought maybe a dart board...but I don't have one of those. :-)

Sometime during last night, the answer hit me. Tarot!! I decided to user the major arcana cards to select the winner.

I shuffled them up several times...

then spread them out as I would for a reading...

I let the energy guide me and pulled this card...

that means our winner is... thatlittlehouse!

Congratulations! The Representative from CSN will contact you soon on how to collect your prize! I hope you'll find something you can enjoy.

Thanks to all of you that entered. This was pretty fun! I already have an idea for another giveaway and will keep you posted.

blessings
~*~

Giveaway Reminder

2010-08-03T12:11:00.002-05:00

Just a note to remind you that today is the last day to enter the CSN Stores $80 gift card giveaway. Click the link here for the details and be sure to leave your entry comment on that post.

You have until the clock strikes midnight tonight. :)

Winner will be announced sometime tomorrow.

blessings
~*~

Lughnassadh

2010-08-01T16:32:00.004-05:00

It has be a very lovely cool and overcast day here. A day that makes me think of the coming autumn and wish even more for its arrival. I have read some lovely sentiments on many blogs about Lughnassadh or Lammas. Today has been spent mostly resting although a bit of work did creep in for several hours. I keep thinking about the things in my life that I need to remember to be grateful for and to not take advantage of them.
Do you have something you are particularly grateful for this Lughnassadh?

Brightest Lughnassadh blessings to you all...

blessings
~*~

*photo taken on Lughnassadh 2009

coming to you live from the...

2010-07-31T12:23:00.003-05:00

...horizontal position...

that's right. i'm horizontal. :) i've been horizontal since 9am yesterday morning. sure, i can get up and get vertical for a few minutes for things like, well...bathroom breaks and feeding the kids. otherwise..horizontal is my life

do any of you know how hard it is to type whilst lying down? i didn't realize until this. hope i don't make too many typos

the lumbar puncture went well yesterday, wasn't nearly as bad as i was expecting. it was a bit painful but i did fine. the radiologist said that i do have elevated pressure in the spinal fluid/column/whatevertheyweremeasuring but he didn't know if it was enough to be causing my problem. he said the doc would get the report and get back to me (hopefully this coming week)...they collected about 6 small vials of the fluid to send off for tests but he couldn't or maybe wouldn't tell me what tests would be run.

after the procedure i was sent to recovery to rest for several hours and for some reason while i was lying there in the dark, i broke down and started to just bawl. i don't know what triggered it. i wasn't in any more pain than usual, but something just needed to be let out i suppose.

the rest of the day and night was uneventful. there isn't too much excitement to be had when one is told to lie still for hours and hours. to pass the time i tried to catch up on my blog reading and even watched practical magic on my laptop. i haven't a tv in my bedroom so movies on the laptop it is.

i woke this morning around 6 and slowly got up to feed the kids. there wasn't any pain more than i'm used to when i sat and then stood up so i took that as a good sign. however when bending over to put down the kids food bowls for them, i felt excruciating pains in my head. i worked as quickly as possible then we all went back to bed

a few hours later i woke and when i got up to use the facilities i discovered that the curse of the lumbar side effects had hit me. in addition to my usual migraine pain i have what the doctors called a positional headache. basically if i'm lying flat, it isn't there, but when i try to get to a vertical position, well...back comes the excruciating stabbing pains. i was told that if i got one of these to lay back down for 24 hours and if it is still around after the additional 24 that i'm to call radiology and will have to go back to have a "blood patch". oh and to drink lots and lots of caffine...ugh...

so i've lain here all morning, unable to go back to sleep, but so tired of trying to look at the computer from the side. my mum and brother came by earlier and worked on my yard for me so most of the jungle in the back is gone and the front looks quite lovely (i peaked out when i last got up for a facilities break). it is nice and cool out today according to the weather channel website and oh how i wish i could open my windows and get some cool air...but i haven't the strength nor vertical fortitude right now :) we are to get some thunderstorms later today and i'm quite looking forward to listening to the rain falling

well i must toddle off for now...i can't wait to be able to take pictures again...my posts seem so boring without photos

there are still a few days to enter the CSN stores gift card giveaway. there is a link at the top of the right hand sidebar. i mean who couldn't use a free $80 to spend right? :)

have a wonderful day
blessings
~*~

nerves of steel

2010-07-29T20:55:00.003-05:00

yeah... right.. :)

I'll admit it. I'm pretty nervous about tomorrow. I have to be at hospital at 9am. I'm allowed no food or drink after midnight tonight. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow and so am quite worried. But I am making myself believe that everything will go well and maybe we will even figure out what is causing the migraines.

The annual craziness has begun at work. I've been working 10 hour days with no lunch or breaks. It will be like this through the month of August and the beginning of September. With all the take home work I'll probably work at least 60 hours a week and probably more. I have no idea how this is going to work with all these migraines.

Anyway, did you see the button on the top left of my blog? There's a blog party in September in honor of Practical Magic. I'm so excited and have already started planning my party. I hope you'll join me for a magical time.

I managed to make my way out to the garden tonight to check it out and found squash as big as my forearm and okra as long as my foot (I wear a size 7). There were lots of ripe tomatoes but all but one had already been enjoyed. Why do the animals insist on eating half a tomato and the leave the rest of it? Why not eat the whole thing? I ended up using my one tomato and bell pepper for dinner. I made fajitas and used a jalapeno from the garden too.

I think that's about all my brain can conjure to blog about tonight. I really hope I can get a good nights sleep tonight.

Don't forget to enter the giveaway! There is a link at the top of the right sidebar. If this goes well, I will host more giveaways in the future. :)

Depending on how tomorrow goes I may not be around this weekend. But I'll be back in time for the drawing on the 4th. Have a great weekend.

blessings
~*~

decorating and a surprise

2010-07-27T21:08:00.004-05:00

so sorry for the downer post yesterday. stuff has built up in my mind and i just needed to get it out of there, you know? i've had so much time that i've spent in my house, mostly lying down because of the pain, i've been thinking about doing some redecorating. i know...last summer i had almost the whole house redone...so i'm not talking about painting the walls or refinishing the floors...all that has been done.

i'm talking about redecorating with furniture/pictures, etc. one of the first things i want to do is change up my bedroom furniture. i have a mission style walnut colored bedroom set that has a queen bed, two nightstands and a dresser with mirror. i'm seriously considering painting them white. i think i need something lighter than the walnut. the furniture is about 10 years old and is made by Bassett so it is good furniture and just wouldn't make sense to get rid of it. but it would be okay to paint it...right? :)

if you were shopping for a new bed? what kind would it be? if i could buy new furniture i'd get something like this.

now as a thank you for hanging in with me during the difficult months and debbie downer posts i have a surprise for you...

are you curious?

well...here it is...

i'm having a giveaway (my first and hopefully not my last)

CSN stores is offering to my readers an $80 gift certificate which can be used in any of their 200+ stores. doesn't that sound great?!

Here are the rules to be entered in the giveaway:

-click on the first link above and check out the bedroom furniture.

-come back here and leave a comment on this post telling me which bed is your favorite.

-for an additional entry, mention this giveaway on your blog and leave a separate comment on this post.

-and if you'd like to have a third entry, check out the CSN Stores and leave me a comment on what you might use the gift certificate on if you won (just cause I'm curious!)

-giveaway will end at midnight on August 3rd. I'll draw a winner (probably from a hat as I've never used those random number generators) and posted on August 4th.

- please be sure that your profile or comment contains your email address so i can contact you to let you know you've won.

Now for the fine print: This contest is open to US and Canadian readers (sorry to those in other areas!). If you choose to purchase an item that does not have free shipping, you will be responsible for shipping costs. If you are in Canada, there may be International fees that you will be responsible for. You must be 18 to enter.

Good luck to everyone!

blessings
~*~

a little of this and a little of that

2010-07-26T22:10:00.002-05:00

(warning...this post may be quite on the wonky side and possibly more than a little morose...don't feel you must read on, i won't be offended...) :)

I'm still here and hanging on. I've wanted to post and have been doing pretty well keeping up with all my blog reading, but just haven't known what to say.

I've had several opportunities open to me lately. I had to drop out of my herbal studies due to finances, but the teacher (a good friend) offered to let me continue on at no charge. I've tried, but missed too many classes and now am so behind I just don't see the point in continuing.

Another opportunity was from the lovely Sarah offering up her Let Fly e-course at no charge this go round. I joined up and have been trying to participate. I'm a little behind, but plan to dedicate more time to it and get caught up. I can't let this opportunity pass me by. I even had another opportunity to take a workshop with a woman from my state who is quite renowned in the women's spirituality circles. I made it through the first half before I had to leave due to a severe migraine.

On the health front, my neurologist is ready to give up and is referring me to another neurologist out of town. The good days have been few and very far between. The meds that my neurologist has had me on over the past six months have really messed me up. I'm either so tired that I sleep through my alarm which is going off for over an hour...or I can't sleep at all, for days. As a last ditch effort to find some physical cause for the migraines, he has me scheduled for a spinal tap this coming Friday. I'm not the happiest puppy in the pound right now. He says he's willing to continue treating me but he just doesn't know what to do for me. We've been through over 17 different meds and not a single one has relieved the pain. So the tap is to test the fluid in my brain and also to check the pressure of that fluid. I can't decide if I want them to find something or if I want it to come back normal. I just don't know how to function with this constant pain and no known cause for it. My neurologist is also talking about taking me out of work and putting me on disability. Two months with no pay and then only half my usual monthly income after that. I don't know how I could possibly get by.

On top of all that is the fact that my gardens have become a jungle. My house looks like a tornado has blown through. And I seem to have lost my mojo. No...really...I no longer can connect with spirits like I used to. I can't seem to feel anything in regards to the energy of spirits or even other people. It is driving me to distraction.

I'm also having to begin considering the fate of my beloved boy. My big old boy, the beast. He is getting poorly so quickly now it is breaking my heart. He can't see in the dark any more or even with low light. He can't hear me call him either. I have to go to him and guide him to wherever I want him to go. He's breathing heavily almost all the time, as if he's just run a long way or is sitting out in the hot summer heat for a long time. (I keep the house at 72 day and night mostly to keep him cool.) And now his legs are giving out on him. When he tries to stand up, his back legs just slide right out from under him on most every occasion and he's developed a terrible limp in his front legs. And every couple of days, he poops while he's asleep. Ick.

Wow, writing all that down really shows me just how bad off he is. I don't think he's happy anymore. He seems so sad all the time and I'm afraid I will soon have to make a decision that I just don't know how to make. When my poor Jade left me, it all happened so quickly. One day she was fine and the next, she was ready to leave. I could see how much pain she was in, she could barely breathe and while it was a very difficult decision to make, it seemed more merciful to not make her suffer any longer. With the beast, I just can't tell. I keep telling myself that I'll know when it is time, but I don't ever want it to be time and I'm afraid that is affecting my judgement.

So...are you depressed yet? I am. I know that part of my problems lately are stemming from depression. But I also know that the migraines are not being caused by depression. I'm trying to think of happy things. I have a trip or two coming up in the fall. I'm going back to my much loved New Orleans. I'll also be taking a trip back to the mountains. I'm looking forward to these things and trying to use them to help me get through the upcoming month of chaos and pressure that will be my job. August is a crazy month at work and somehow I have to find the strength and will to get through it.

I can tell you one thing I'm really looking forward to. Check out the button on the top left of my blog. The lovely Justina and Anna are hosting a "Practical Magic" blog party on September 25th. I'm so excited about this! Practical Magic is one of my favorite books and is definitely my favorite movie! I'll be participating in this blog party. I'm already planning in my head the things I want to do. So head on over and sign up if you are a fan and want to participate...or just go back on September 25th and check out the parties!

blessings
~*~

renew, regroup, retry

2010-07-06T17:39:00.008-05:00

after a lousy week at work and a plethora of migraine days, i took off with some friends for a mountain holiday getaway...

the weekend was spent eating good food - that i didn't have to cook, getting lots of hugs and kisses from my littlest friends, watching fireworks, walks around the lake and even a seance or two...

little girl and little boy laughter is a wonderful balm to the soul and the love from good friends - adults, teens and toddlers - heals in so many ways...

the weekend was a chance to renew my soul, to think about my life and how to regroup it to be what i truly want and an opportunity to retry things that used to come easy to me, but have been taken for granted or neglected all together...

teaching star light, star bright to my littlest playmates was such a wonderful experience, watching them repeat the words in earnest and blowing kisses to the stars to carry their wishes to the universe (their idea) was so very magical...

i came home yesterday to a heat wave...it is so hot outside that just stepping out the door for a moment is overwhelming... however the garden needed checking and tending this afternoon, so i put on my garden shoes...

and headed to the garden to water...

this is causing part of the problem...

not a cloud to be found... we desperately need some rain...

but i did find a few things that were ready to come in...

i'm hoping to rid myself of this latest migraine and head back to work tomorrow. i have a lot of thinking still to do, decisions to make as to my life and work and my health...
i hope you had a wonderful 4th if you live in or are from the US and if not that you had a great weekend.
blessings
~*~

It's a Mad Day!

2010-06-26T13:20:00.002-05:00

Head on over here for a very unbirthday tea party. Then visit all the others who are hosting their own party.

Wishing you a magical, mad full moon day!
blessings
~*~

Book Review: Psychic by Sylvia Browne

2010-06-22T20:43:00.003-05:00

Last month I was contacted by Trish at TLC Book Tours to see if I would be interested in reviewing a new book. I haven't done a book review since high school, so please bear with me. :)

The book is Psychic: My Life in Two Worlds by Sylvia Browne. Before I read this book, I didn't know much about Mrs. Browne. I had come across her on talk shows or radio, but had never really felt the need to learn more. I'm somewhat skeptical about people who call themselves psychics (I'll explain that another time). Anyway, being naturally curious about the supernatural I determined to try to read this book with an open mind. Now that I've read it, I know more than I really wanted to about Mrs. Browne.

There are lots of stories about her experiences with spirits and there were a few terms that I had never heard of that I plan to research. I disagree with her basic premise of why spirits don't move to the other side, but I respect her opinion. It is a biography and therefore contains stories of her childhood, her marriages and her businesses. My biggest qualm is how she skips from time period to time period. One minute she's writing about her childhood and the next she's writing about her second marriage and then she goes back to childhood. For me, it was a bit confusing.

If you're interested in learning more about Sylvia Browne, I'd recommend this book. If you're looking for something to help you understand the concepts of psychics and or ghosts/spirits, I recommend you look elsewhere.

I'm not sorry I read it, but it isn't a book that I would have picked up on my own.

blessings
~*~

Solstice

2010-06-21T20:03:00.003-05:00

(photo from a 2008 beach trip)

Wishing you a wonderful Summer Solstice...

blessings
~*~

Chaos

2010-06-18T13:52:00.004-05:00

I'm still here. Still fighting the migraines on a daily basis. I want to say how much I appreciate the kind words that you write in the comments, the healing wishes. I just do not have the words to express how much those words mean to me. How they are the light in my darkness right now.

I saw my neurologist earlier this week. We are both extremely frustrated by my lack of improvement. He has changed my medications again and I am now taking dilaudid as well as several other medications. Now, the constant pain in my head has been joined by tremors, nausea and a complete inability to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes. He has begun pushing for me to have a spinal tap (which scares me more than the thought of having to live with this pain for the rest of my life). He also suggested that I look into being treated at a nationally renowned clinic in Michigan. I don't see how that is possible at this time.

I've taken to getting up in the mornings, making my way slowly to work and immediately taking my pills, including almost every day a pain pill or muscle relaxant. I'm so medicated that even though I'm sitting at my desk, I am accomplishing nothing. I feel like a hollow shell most days. Having to tolerate the noise and bright lights of the room is almost as mind numbing as the drugs.

I feel as if my life is chaos. Everywhere I look it seems to be quite the mess. The household chores have been forgotten as I arrive home and crawl into bed almost as soon as I've finished feeding the kids. The gardens and yard are an utter disaster and I'm very sad that I can't find the energy and inclination to spend any time working in them. Everything about my life and myself just feels so... wrong. I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be in pain every moment and I shouldn't be so sad all the time. I keep thinking that this can't be the life I am meant to live.

I am determined, however, to find some small happiness every day. Some measure of peace and joy that can dispel the gloom around me. Reading my favorite blogs, discovering new ones is one of those lights. During one of those bouts of blog reading I found a lovely opportunity to get this:

These beautiful charms came from the amazingly lovely and talented Nina Bagley. They arrived in the mail today, bringing such joy and happiness into a miserably painful day. I had the opportunity to pick the words that I wanted in the charms..."magic" was a given and the "true" seemed important to me...a chance to remember to be true to myself. I can't wait to wear them.

The summer solstice is almost upon us. Sunday we will have a local solstice festival at the park near my home. I am hoping to attend with my friend and her family. It is sad really, but my favorite part of the summer solstice is that it means fall and winter are on their way. I like summer, I love the growing season, the flowers and fresh fruits and vegetables. But I just can't take the heat...it's been in the mid to high 90's for several weeks and looks to continue on this coming week. It has brought us some lovely thunderstorms, which I love.

Well, enough of my rambles. It's taken me over three hours to get this written and I apologize for the disjointedness of it. Next week I'm going to have a book review for you. If I don't get back here before then, I hope that you have a lovely weekend and a warm, sunny and magical summer solstice.

blessings
~*~

saturday fun

2010-06-05T19:31:00.007-05:00

Today has been a good day. There wasn't much headache pain and I was able to get a lot of things done that I had wanted to do. I try every Saturday morning to go to the local farmer's market. Today I was able to find the last of the local strawberries, some nice peaches and another beautiful nosegay. Three of my favorite things...

I spent some time afterward working in the garden, it is in need of weeding. I got some of it done and got the yard mowed before it became too hot for me. I plan to go back out tomorrow morning early and continue weeding the garden. While I was mowing I found this...

my foxglove are blooming!

below are some of the things i found in the garden today...

really tall poke

the cucumbers are blooming

hydrangea

hopefully tomorrow will be another good day...

blessings
~*~

in pictures

2010-05-31T14:42:00.006-05:00

Chocolate Madness...the best chocolate cake I've ever had...

first peaches of the season...i can't wait to put these over vanilla ice cream later...

so many blooms on this hydrangea...

the troublemaker in my garden...

Happy Memorial Day or as they used to call it, Decoration Day. I wish to give a heartfelt thank you to all the servicemen and women who have risked or given their lives to keep us safe.

blessings
~*~

to try again

2010-05-28T19:24:00.002-05:00

i keep trying to come here...to type words that i think would be interesting but my mind is full of drugs (oh so many prescriptions that i hate taking) and my thoughts and words flit away before i can capture them here on the screen.

it has been a rough couple of weeks...i am now out of sick or annual leave days and so any time that i am not at work, i now do not get paid for...if the absences keep up my checks will get smaller and i don't know what i'll do.

i'm listening to it storm outside..a good thunder kicker and a few flashes of lightening so far...i'm hoping for more and for lots of rain.

i've lost the cord to download my pictures from my camera... as soon as i find it i have some pictures to share...

here's to a wonderful long weekend...
blessings
~*~

round and round we go

2010-05-03T16:47:00.006-05:00

Saturday was a decent day. I went to the curb market early and got these beautiful flowers and strawberries.

I don't recall if I mentioned that my Dad is going to work the garden with me this year. He came over and we went and got plants and then got to work in the garden. It took about 3 and 1/2 hours but we got everything planted and the garden all cleaned up. (He's really OCD about stuff and wasn't happy until it was all nice and neat.)

I thought I'd taken a picture of the whole garden, but apparently not. You can see a few of the tomatoes and some other plants here.

We planted two rows of green beans, two German Johnson tomatoes, four Better Boy tomatoes, one grape tomato and one Mortgage Lifter tomato. Four slicing cucumber plants, four straight neck yellow squash plants, three okra plants, two Dusky eggplant plants, one red bell pepper, one green bell pepper and one jalapeno pepper plant. The garden is very full, but I'm hoping everything does well. Dad doesn't have much faith in my organic gardening skills and keeps wanting to spray with weedkiller and fertilizers. I've made him promise he will stick to my system.

After he left, I worked another couple hours in the yard, mowing and general futzing around. For dinner I made Alfredo with sauteed mushrooms and some of that roasted chicken from the other night. It was very good. Sunday was a lay around the house day and spent it reading a book. After two decent days it was quite a shock to wake up around 1am after a horrendous nightmare in which some strange creature was using a sledgehammer to pound railroad spikes into my head. The dream either triggered another migraine or the migraine triggered the dream. I'm not really sure which it is, but I've spent all day either in bed in pain or on the sofa in pain. Not sure what to do about this anymore.

The worst part is that I called my mum, she always insists that I call her if I don't make it into work. So, I called and she said she thinks I'll lose my job. After months of encouraging me that everything will be fine, she finally changed her tune. I knew it was coming, she never has these types of issues and doesn't understand me at all. She doesn't understand how I can't just get up and push through and I don't know how to make her understand. After listening to her rant for about five minutes I finally said I had to go, that my head hurt too much to listen to one of her lectures.

It's times like this when I just want to let everything go and slide off into a sleep that I can't wake up from. Either that or pick up and leave town and never see or speak to her again. She keeps asking me how long it took me to get over this before, referring to a time almost ten years ago when I couldn't leave my house for about two months. She doesn't seem to understand the difference between migraines and panic attacks. I've told her each time that this isn't the same thing I was experiencing back then, but as with everything else I say to her, she just doesn't listen.

I'm hopeful that I'll be able to make it to work tomorrow. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to get through the night tonight, the day tomorrow and the days to come without the excruciating pain in my head.

Thank you for all the kind comments and emails I've been getting. It helps to know that someone in the world cares and is wishing me well.

blessings
~*~

hmmmm - updated

2010-04-30T16:14:00.004-05:00

Two more days of migraines this week has me really off my game. I want so badly to be out in the yard, or doing something creative or even reading a book. But the pain seems to be too overwhelming for anything more than lying in bed or on the sofa.

I've been dying to try a new recipe for almost a week and finally made myself get up long enough to do it. It doesn't really take long and is almost finished in the oven. I can't wait to try it. I think I might have used a little too much canola oil because the oven is very smoky when I last checked on it. It comes out in just a few minutes and then we will see...

I'm going to try to work in the garden tomorrow morning. I can't remember if I've mentioned this, but my dad and I are going to garden together at my house. We are planning to work and get some stuff planted tomorrow. He is not a believer in organic gardening, but I've told him that there will be no chemicals in my garden so he has to give it a chance. I guess we will see how this goes.

I'm going to check on my dinner now and see if I can find some veggies to put with it. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Updated to add -

this is the best chicken i think i've ever had... so moist and juicy and flavorful... i highly recommend you make this as soon as possible...it's easy to make and just well...perfect! :)

blessings
~*~

spinning

2010-04-26T13:31:00.004-05:00

you know how when you were a kid you used to twirl and twirl until everything was spinning around and even when you stopped the world kept spinning? that's how i've been feeling.. why i haven't been posting...

my head is constantly twirling and i've just not been able to stay still long enough to get my footing. there is so much in my head, so many thoughts and sounds, ideas and wants, so much pain and confusion that they just take words right out of my mouth. it takes away my ability to really communicate

because of the migraines, there have been numerous and varied medicines that have made me sicker than the pain of the migraines, days of nausea, vomiting - it isn't good for a diabetic to be unable to eat for days at a time. there have been lots of doctor visits, lots of blood work and other tests... i'm now required to take my blood pressure twice a day in addition to all i have to do for the diabetes.

i guess it all became too much and my mind has just been unable to form thoughts that could go here, on the blog, thoughts that i felt i could share. sometimes i feel like i am posting for all the wrong reasons and then other times, that i'm not posting the right things.

today is one of those bad migraine days...they come and go and when they are gone, i try to take advantage of the freedom and do things that need to be done, things that are fun because if and when they come back, everything falls behind again.

i've been able to get caught up at work...not completely, but i'm close to getting there, i think a lot of my stress will be reduced if i can get caught up, i'll feel like i'm making a contribution instead of constantly feeling like i'm letting everyone down.

home is basically the same, very behind on everything... i haven't even planted my vegetable garden yet. i hope that will be accomplished in the next few days. i was able to go out on saturday to the annual herbfest at our local farmers market. i picked up a few plants and didn't go overboard like i usually do...

i finally got my dahlia tubers planted and have been able to get some weeding done in various areas of the gardens, but there is still a long way to go.

i'm sure there will be more quietness here, until i'm able to start thinking straight again... there may be days of posts that have no words, just pictures and i hope you'll understand...sometimes i just have no words...

blessings
~*~

a really good day

2010-03-07T19:46:00.008-05:00

These beauties were found at the grocers this morning. The yellow mums are so lovely that I decided I needed more fresh flowers in my home. These are on the kitchen table so I get to enjoy them often.

Please excuse the crappy photo, I was tired, and didn't pay much attention when I snapped the photo. This is the composter that my brother and sister in law gave me at the holidays. It was finally nice enough outside and I had enough energy to work on it. I'm very excited. It even came with a little pamphlet explaining how composting works and how to get the most of your composter. :)

Before I went to the grocers this morning, I went to a local big box home improvement store looking for a seed starting tray. I found just what I was after, plus a whole lot more! I can't wait to plant those dahlias as well as the other things I found.

I spent several hours working in the gardens. Doing a little preemptive weeding and ordering of borders, as well as picking up broken limbs. While I was out there I found a few surprises...

And I'm finishing up the evening with a little laundry and this...

a few apple cinnamon and a few blueberry (they came from a packet not homemade - but that is okay). This will give me a nice little bit of breakfast for the week.

Tomorrow begins another week of work, but I have something really wonderful to look forward to at the end of the week. This will hopefully motivate me to persevere - remember that? - through the week.

I hope you have enjoyed this lovely spring-ish day and have a wonderful week ahead.

blessings
~*~

insights

2010-03-06T20:27:00.003-05:00

This lovely pot of spring mums refused to let me leave the grocers when I went in yesterday to pick up some lunch. I must have walked past them five or six times trying to ignore them, but they wouldn't stop screaming for me to take them home with me. So, I gave in. They do look lovely and are quite cheerful.

Today was spent in a workshop that dealt with women's spirituality/psychology and the Wheel of the Year. It was... well, I really just don't have the words to describe it.

I need time to process what I've experienced today, take it all in and figure out how it can impact my life. Maybe once I've done that I'll be able to share more about it here.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
blessings
~*~

seeking good

2010-03-02T19:39:00.005-05:00

Feeling a bit better today, migraine wise, but still dealing with adjustments to medications. Today was a day to up the dosage and about 5 hours after taking it was feeling very sick and loopy. It was either that or too much sugar. Since I can't be sure, I'm going to see how I am tomorrow before I call the doctor and inquire as to whether or not I should expect such reactions.

I haven't had much to say, just trying to focus on getting through work each day and any other obligations that I might have. I have been keeping up with my blog reading and have found a few new blogs that I really like. I even came across the "Pen Pal Project" (link can be found on the right hand sidebar) hosted by Indie Fixx and I signed up right away. It is just what it sounds like, finding people to be pen pals with and bringing back old fashioned snail mail. I really miss getting letters and cards in the mail and am looking forward to making new friendships in an old fashioned kind of way. :)
If you are interested in signing up, click on the picture and it will take you to the blog post that started it all. And if any of my readers here would like to correspond via snail mail, I'd be open to that, just send me via email.

Another blog that I am very fond of is Posy. She is also having some medical issues right now and has been miserable for a while due to said issues. She was talking about how her medical difficulties have brought her down to thinking so negatively all the time and how she wanted to change that. I can completely relate to what she is going through and she has inspired me to try to change this for myself. So in honor of Posy and to attempt to help myself, I'm going to try to focus on some good things.

It snowed today, to me that is a good thing as I'm just not ready for spring.

Yes, my garden is white again, and really I'm okay with that right now. I worry that until I get my health issue under control, I won't be able to do any work in the gardens. So bring on the snow! :)

I had my sleep study last week and let me tell you, it was interesting. All these wires and goop and crap hooked up to me. Then halfway through the night they came in and put a sleep mask on me for the CPAP. I've not received the results yet, but I go back to the neurologist on Monday and am hopeful he will have the results by then.

So, I can't think of much else to write, plus I'm a bit nauseous again. Thank you for your kind comments, they mean so much to me.
blessings
~*~

I'm still here

2010-02-24T20:06:00.002-05:00

No, I haven't vanished. I'm still here, barely. I've wanted to post, but I just haven't had the energy or much to say. I'm still not sure that I have much to say, but I'll say something anyway...

I'm back at work this week, after a two week absence, but it is not voluntary. I had a round of migraines that literally knocked me down. I could barely stand long enough to feed the kids two times a day. I had to hold the wall to keep from keeling over each time I needed to use the loo. On the day of my 10th in a row absence from work (this past Friday, mind you), my mum came over so I could have someone in the house while I showered. She took me to the grocers and swept up a little. While we were out she said that if I wasn't feeling better by Monday she was having me admitted to hospital until they figure out what is causing this. Needless to say, I forced myself to work on Monday and every day since. Today was a close one, though I made it in. I spent most of the day at my desk, hidden from everyone else, silently crying in pain.

I have continued to take the meds as prescribed. The middle of last week, I managed to call in to the Dr and ask when I might expect the meds to provide some relief. They seemed surprised that it hadn't kicked in yet and then called me later with a new prescription. Mum was bringing insulin for the beastie so she went and picked up the new meds. So far, no relief. I'm still slowly upping the dosage as instructed. When I finally get to the max dosage, I'll be taking nine capsules a day. Yes, I said nine. This is quite a lot for a person who has a very high intolerance for being able to swallow pills. But, I'll do it.

The MRI was not too bad, except for my intolerance of loud sounds and the nurse not being able to get the catheter into my vein, it went fine. There was nothing odd found, I have been assured, so that is good. Tomorrow night is the sleep study and then I return to the Dr on March 8.

I truly do not know what I will do if they can't find any cause for these pains. I cannot continue on like this. Nothing has been done around the house, the weather is starting to turn toward spring and yet the last thing on my mind is the gardens. I'm supposed to start the second year of my Herbal Apprenticeship classes this Saturday and I'm so worried I won't be able to make it.

See, this is why I haven't posted, because I have nothing good to say. I'm still slowly reading through my blogroll and commenting when I feel compelled. I hope to be able to get back to some regular postings soon. I really have so many things I want to talk about here. But some of it needs more thinking and mostly I need more energy to do so.

blessings
~*~

yesterday

2010-02-06T16:16:00.005-05:00

snow and such

2010-02-01T15:18:00.007-05:00

Friday started out like this...

then quickly became this...

which led to this...

which very quickly turned into this...

Friday turned out to be a horrible migraine day. I stayed in bed most all the day and thankfully Mum was willing to pick up a bag of beastie food and drop it by. The weekend was spent in a blur of medications and sleep. I did manage yesterday to dig out a path from the back door to the yard across the back deck for beastie and also dug out the front walk for the mail carrier. Schools were out today, but we were expected to make it in at regular hours.

Due to another debilitating migraine, I ended up staying in for the day. I finally woke and showered around 10, and even managed to eat a little chicken and rice soup. However, pain in the head, nausea and a case of the shakes sent me clamoring back to my bed. I did bring my laptop with me though. After about a half hour of laying here, willing away the pain, etc., the shakes were getting worse, so off to the kitchen I went to check my blood sugar. I sometimes get the shakes like this when I haven't eaten properly and my blood sugars have dropped too low. My handy dandy new meter (the old one died last week) said 146, not too high (not really great) and not low enough to cause the shakes such as they were. I took a phenegren and brought some cold water back to bed with me.

As it happens, I am not one for medication. In fact, I hate taking medication of any type and because of that I have a higher than normal tendency to "forget" to take something. Unlike my usual ways I have been very thorough in taking my meds when I am supposed to. I've not missed a dose of anything since I started taking them a week ago. (That is quite the record for me.)

That having been said, don't you think my body should have adjusted to these meds by now? I am not liking the way I feel at all. On top of the headaches/migraines, I have all this nausea and loopieness. (Yes, it is a word, because I said so!) I've yet to hear from the doctor's office about my testing schedule and I'm trying to be very patient about it. I am not a very patient person in the best of times and I'm a big giant baby when I don't feel well.

Well, I don't feel well and I want to whine about it. Okay, done. (I hope)

The sun has been shining all day and as I lay here I listen to the drumbeat of snow melting off the roof. Tomorrow morning they say we are in for a bit of an ice/rain storm and then back to sunny days. The weather forecasters tell us that by Friday we will be in for another system like we had this past weekend. So, I'm wondering what Brigid has in store for us tomorrow, Imbolc (or for those not of the pagan path, Groundhog Day). I'm really not ready for spring at all. I'm not ready for all the work in the gardens that needs doing when I barely have the energy to take a shower. I love winter, I always have, but this year, I'm running out of my happiness for snow. Maybe because I can't get out and enjoy it as I usually do. I'm itching to tromp around in the snow, taking pictures of this and that, tossing snowballs for beastie to catch or chase. I had to go out late last night, without proper attire, to chase down beastie. Something under or behind the shed had his attention and I couldn't get him to come in. So out I go, in my thermals and a hoodie with garden clogs on my feet. I'm stomping around trying to get to him or get him to come to me muttering under my breath "blast the cold f*ing snow" and "buggar this damn shite" (yes I've been watching a lot of BBC tv lately). I hate that I felt that way about the snow and I don't want my love affair to end yet.

Whatever Brigid brings tomorrow, be it six more weeks of winter (which is what I'm expecting) or an early spring, I hope that we all of us (yes, I mean you) will be healthy and able to enjoy it.

blessings
~*~

winter wishing

2010-01-28T21:25:00.003-05:00

winter is not over yet. we're under a winter weather warning for tomorrow and saturday. they say we could get from 5 to 8 inches of snow and possibly more. i'm very happy about this.

i took care of grocers this evening, so tomorrow i only have to get gas for the car and dog food. then i'll be ready to hunker down for the weekend, watching the snow, some movies and maybe do some cleaning and knitting.

i've been feeling compelled to keep my head covered for some reason. i have a kerchief that i put on as soon as i walk in the door and leave it on except while i sleep. it isn't nice enough to be able to wear to work, so the calorimetry listed in the side bar should do the trick for wearing at work. must get knitting...

i also hope to do some baking this weekend. i still haven't broken in my beautiful kitchen aid. i've felt so poorly since the holidays that i haven't used any of my gifts really (except the scrap pail).

well, i'm off to take my meds then snuggle down in the bed to read for a bit. i just have one more day of work and hope that i can feel up to going in the morning. i'm still waiting to hear when the mri and sleep study will be, but hopefully they will call with those appointment times tomorrow.

winter blessings!
~*~

of drugs and hope

2010-01-26T19:48:00.002-05:00

That last post was the beginning of a mighty downfall. The next day dawned with the worst migraine I'd ever had. I was bedridden for five days. I could barely make it to the bathroom and messed up the beastie's meds twice. Saturday I began to feel human again, enough that I could sit up on the sofa, watch a little Hell's Kitchen (with the volume turned very low) and surf on the net a bit.

Sunday, it started going back down hill. I was desperate on Monday after five more days away from work. Five days that I don't have coverage for. Five days that will be docked from my pay. Today actually made six. But hope is on the horizon.

Yesterday I called my physician's office and they were able to fit me in first thing this morning. After a brief discussion, very simple exam and an A1C test, she referred me to a neurologist (and put me back on Byetta because my A1C has gone back up to 8.5).

The neurologist was able to see me this afternoon and so I spent the majority of the day either in the doctor's office, driving to and from or at the pharmacist. The neurologist has given me Oxycodone (which makes me very dizzy and loopy feeling), phenegren (which is quite handy as the oxycodone makes me quite nauseous as well) and keppra (which i'll take daily). He's also prescribed some sort of nose spray that has to be specially made. The oxy and nose spray are to be taken sparsely.

Before the week is out, I will be contacted with dates for both an MRI and a sleep study. He also mentioned the possibility of needing to do a spinal tap (which completely freaked me out).

Oh, I almost forgot, one of his first questions after he looked over my paperwork was to ask how much work I'd missed over the past year. He highly recommended that I get an FLMA or FMLA form from our HR department and bring it in. I plan to do that tomorrow when (because I'm determined to make it) I get to work. I also plan to discuss the situation with my supervisor.

Anyway, I hope this post makes sense. The drugs are making me loopy and I can't think very clearly. Hmmm...maybe this post wasn't such a good idea? :)

blessings
~*~

here

2010-01-19T15:11:00.004-05:00

persevere

the word has stuck with me, every moment since i found it

every time i start to falter, to give up, to look the other way or take the easy way out, i remember that word and i remember the promise i made to myself

i sit at home now, after a long night (well, early morning) of purging my stomach. i don't know if i caught a bug, or ate something bad, but i could tell after a few hours of sicking up that there was more to come and it wouldn't do to take myself off to work. i mean really, it's bad enough to have to hang over your own toilet, much less a semi-public one. ewww

i feel horrible and so let down that i didn't make it in to work today. i'd made it a game you see, of how long i could go without missing a day. four whole weeks i made it, until today. well... i'll just start my game again tomorrow and this time make it even longer

this past week has been such a roller coaster and i am so not a fan. who knows, maybe it was just the turmoil that finally had to find a way out of my system that caused the sickening.

i'm always so emotionally sensitive about things. missing children cases, murders, they all get to me but this... this catastrophe that is Haiti, just destroyed me. from the first news, i was sucked in, i think i saw more of CNN than i'd seen in all my life. the horror of those people, trapped, starving, losing limbs in order to be rescued from collapsed buildings, only to die later from not having medical attention to stop up the wounds. it just shatters my heart.

not being able to be there personally, i've tried to do what i can in some small way to help... a few small donations, attending a prayer vigil to send healing energy, lots of prayers and candles lit. i intend to send a larger donation (as much as i can) to attempt to help a specific person in Haiti. He's a very dear man that I met when i took that trip to New Orleans a few years ago. It took four days from the time of the earthquake, but we found out that he is okay. It was a small miracle to me, those three words that came in the form of a text. He is okay.

well

we've had a few days of warmth, the kind of days that make you wish for spring. only, i don't. i'm not ready for spring, the flowers, the weeding, the planting. i'm still in the planning stages. wishing for more snow, wishing for cold so that i can hide here in my cozy little cottage, with a good book (or more likely my blog list) and hunker down.

i did sit outside for a few minutes a little while ago. i sat in the sun, watching the beastie sniff around the yard and listening to the birds as they scrounge around hunting up their next meal, absorbing a little warmth.

dearest gods and goddesses of weather, it is only the mid of January, much too early to be walking barefoot out of doors. please send us another bout of cold temperatures and lots of snow would be an especially nice bonus.
your servant always,
the spiritwitch :)

blessings
~*~

Pray

2010-01-13T16:59:00.002-05:00

Please take a moment today to say a prayer for the people of Haiti. The entire country and every soul there needs help and prayers to survive this catastrophe. If you want to donate funds to help, please be careful and chose a service that you know is a valid service, (ie: Red Cross, Doctors without Borders, etc). Already many horrible people are setting up scams to steal money that is desperately needed in Haiti.

Please... pray.

blessings
~*~

ding

2010-01-06T20:45:00.003-05:00

did you hear that? that sound? you know the one, like a kitchen timer going off or the light going on in your head? well, i just had a ding. seriously...not five minutes ago.

remember how i said i knew my word would find me? well... ding!

there i was, sitting here catching up on my favorite blogs when this word appears in my mind, bright, bold and then literally, DING!

persevere

to persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement
to bolster, sustain, or uphold

my life has been one lacking in what i have always called "follow through"

i have great ideas and plans, but i have been unable to see most of them through to their conclusions

here are a few examples
~ exercise - i joined the local ymca almost two years ago, went five days a week to swim for just over six months, then one day stopped going and haven't been back since (of course i'm still paying for the membership) *i want to swim again*
~ faith - i am an intuitive, medium and empath, yet 90% of the time i work hard to block that part of me, i'm also a witch and a rootworker/conjurer. i've worked as a tarot reader and enjoyed it for the most part but i let my self doubt get the best of me *i want to use my gifts to help people*
~ creativity - i have a number of creative ideas, a few i've made and have sold, several i have left swirling in my mind too afraid or unsure to give them a try *i want to explore this side of myself*
~ health - i'm a type 2 adult onset diabetic, i was diagnosed two years ago (actually a few months before i joined the Y) - at first i was very careful about my diet and was able to curb my notorious sweet tooth, after a year i was able (with medications) to get my A1C down from 8.5 to 5.9. my doc was suitably impressed and left me to my own devices - no more meds...well i haven't had my A1C checked in a while, but when i do check my blood sugar it is in the high 200's to low 300's. i know this is bad, yet i can't stop myself from drinking pepsi, eating a piece of candy or 10; bread, pasta and potatoes continue to be a big part of my diet. i also have not been having my checkups that i need - things like the dentist, podiatrist, even the dreaded oc checkup; then there are the migraines. *i want to take care of my health, live healthier, get rid of the migraines*

~ work - well...what can i say about that? i've missed a lot, i let myself use the migraines to give me a reason not to go in, i take any excuse, ugh... *i want to be a good employee, prompt, in attendance, useful*

like i said, those are a few examples. i could go on, but those are the things that stand out the most to me.

i think this year, 2010, is the year for me to persevere

"Life is not easy for any of us. We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained." Marie Curie

i must believe that i am gifted for something and that this thing must be attained...i will persevere to attain that something

blessings
~*~

cold

2010-01-02T17:42:00.004-05:00

It is very cold outside. I think the current temp is 26 with a wind chill of 14. Very cold for around here. Needless to say I was only outside twice today for a few seconds, long enough to put out the mail and then bring it in. It was a beautiful sunshine-y day. If it had been warmer I probably would have spent some time out there, looking for inspirations to take photos of and picking up fallen tree limbs.

In anticipation of the coming arctic air and a long weekend at home, I picked up some new yarn on Thursday.

I'm planning to make this as an introduction to hats. I started the gauge swatch a little while ago, something I rarely do when I knit, but seem to have misplaced my measuring tape and can't find it anywhere.

While at Joann's I found this pretty fabric bundle.

I'm not sure what I'm going to make yet. I've always wanted to learn to quilt and this might inspire me to make a small quilt to help me learn.

I've still not found my word for the year. I'm not worried, I know that when the time is right, it will come.

I finally took the kitchen-aid out of the box and have it set up in a corner on the kitchen counter. I think the first thing I'm going to make using it is bread. I've been wanting to make a good loaf bread, but I've misplaced my great-grandmother's recipe. It is my favorite loaf bread. I'll probably spend some time tonight searching for a good recipe. If anyone has any recommendations, let me know.

It's time for a movie, I can't decide between action or romantic comedy. I'll contemplate it while I fix spaghetti.

This song has been swimming in my head for a few weeks now.

How is your Saturday?

blessings
~*~

a review

2009-12-31T19:38:00.035-05:00

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

I wish you a very Happy New Year. May you have all the happiness, joy, love, peace and prosperity you wish want.
blessings
~*~

Wishing

2009-12-30T20:23:00.002-05:00

As most of you know, tomorrow is the last full moon of 2009. Not only is it a full moon, but it is a blue moon with a partial lunar eclipse. Even though the eclipse won't be visible on this side of the pond, it still has a lot of magical influence. On top of it all, it's a wishing moon. So, before you go to bed or at least before 3:14pm tomorrow, make a wish. Look to our lady moon and tell her your deepest desire.

I'm going to, before I go to bed tonight. I'll walk outside in the freezing temperature and even though it is cloudy and I may not be able to see her, I'll whisper my wish to the wind and know it is carried up to the beautiful, glowing orb in the sky.

My wish is almost decided upon. It is something I have dreamed of and longed for often. Something wished for in the past, despaired over and left forgotten. Something...important.

What will you wish for? (I don't really need to know, sometimes it is best not to share our wish. I just want you to wish for something.)

I've been thinking a lot lately about words. Last year about this time, a woman I greatly admire and respect told of her word for the year. On a friends blog, she had seen the idea of having a word to focus on for the year. It was a wonderful story of how she found her word and the idea was something that I really liked. Try as I might, I could never come up with one word. (I've seen this mentioned several times today on many a blog.)

When I think of what word I would like to focus on for the coming year, my brain is flooded with images of words. It's like a rushing river, words and pictures passing by so quickly, that to grab one is almost impossible. What do I want to bring to my life, I've asked myself. What do I want to improve? What do I want to let go? It seems so hard to choose. I'm still searching for my word. I'm not going to feel pressured to decide before the first. I'm going to have faith that it will come to me when it is time.

I'm sure I'll share when I find it. I hope you'll share yours, if you want, with me.

blessings
~*~

Come and gone

2009-12-28T19:51:00.005-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'm glad that the holiday season is winding down. This time of year is very difficult for me and I am always glad to see it end. The only thing that I like about this time of year, is the weather. Well, usually. Living in the south, we don't get much in the way of snow and our cold spells tend to be short-lived. We've already had a wonderful snow and the temps have stayed so cold that there was still quite a bit left on the ground on Christmas Day.

Our family is very small so we don't have much in the way of celebrations. My mum, brother and sister-in-law get together on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. This year, thanks to all the illnesses of my kids and the economy, I just wasn't able to do much for anyone. My sis-in-law and I had agreed not to spend much on each other, just a few simple things. However, I discovered when I opened my gifts that my brother had overruled her and that "he wanted to do something special" for me. They gave me some cool Steelers related stuff, including an Official Myron Cope Terrible Towel. Then in the smallest box, was a picture of a composter and kitchen scrap collector that I've been wanting for a while now. I was shocked and well, really touched.

My mum and I went round and round the past few months about gifts. She kept asking me for my list and I kept telling her that the renovations on the house this summer was my gift for the next few years. I finally gave in and gave her a "wish list". I made certain to put several things on it that I knew she wouldn't get because they are expensive. I also put a few things that were not expensive, like thermal underwear and slippers. Well, she surprised me and gave me three things from my list that were not cheap. I was only able to get her one gift, and it really wasn't much. I feel so bad that she spends so much money on me and I can't do for her what I want.

Here are a few of the things I received...

This I have been wanting for years. It's still in the box, because I have such a small kitchen and little counter and cabinet space, I have to figure out where to put it. But once it comes out...the baking and cooking really begin.

My first Le Creuset piece. I'm also dying for one of the dutch ovens, but that will have to wait.

I received two chairs to add to my dining table, this way I can serve at least four people, along with The Pioneer Woman's cookbook, Photoshop Elements 8, and various and sundry things.

The rest of our family (uncle and cousins) came in on Sunday and we had our meal and gave the children their presents. Then most of them went shopping and the rest of us watch the Steelers game (Yay for a win!). Whenever they come down (which is two or three times a year), mum and I slave away to prepare a meal when everyone complains that it is too much and then they go shopping. We end up seeing them for about two hours and the kids are glued to their gameboys or ds and we can barely get a word out of them. I honestly just don't think it is worth all the effort that we put into it.

I tried this year, I really did. I put up the tree right after Thanksgiving. I decorated the house and participated in holiday activities at work. I did lots of holiday baking and tried to be there not only physically but mentally for family things. It just feels like such a sham.

That is how my holiday went, slowly when I wanted quick and quick when I wanted slow. It is almost over. The tree will come down tomorrow and all the holiday stuff will get put away.

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday.
blessings
~*~

winter

2009-12-19T20:16:00.006-05:00

Lookie what we got. I think the grand total came in around 5.5 inches. I love winter.

Dylan loves winter too. I let him out yesterday afternoon, while the heaviest snow was falling, and it took half an hour to get him to come back in.

This is my holiday baking weekend. Today I made two of the six things I plan to make...

there are peanut butter crackers under that chocolate...

and

There's more to do tomorrow. I hope I get it all done. I'll need to get an earlier start, if it is going to happen. :)

Does anyone know what type of plant this is?

Someone gave some out at work yesterday, but one person didn't want theirs and offered it to me. Never one to turn down a free plant, I took it. Now I just need to figure out what it is.

I'm off to bag up the pretzels and read some before bed.

blessings
~*~

need a ticket out of migraineville

2009-12-17T19:12:00.005-05:00

Yep, I'm living in migraineville this week and it is not a pleasant town. I missed work and most everything else on Monday and Tuesday, forced myself to go in on Wednesday and barely made it there today. Last night was a cupcake bake-fest for a work luncheon today. I made 40 cupcakes to take to work and spent 5 hours in the kitchen. When I was finally done, I walked away and left the mess (which I'm still working on cleaning up).

There is excitement in the air around here today as we are under a winter weather watch. It started with a forecast of 1-2 inches. Around 2pm today a look at the forecast had us in the 6-12 inch range (WHAT?!?) and then 20 minutes later, we were back in the 2-4 range which seems to be where the weather people are staying.

I am excited for the possibility of snow. I'll be more excited when/if it actually happens. The weather people down here have a history of false alarms when it comes to snow. I can always dream...

A few months ago, when I was going through a serious downswing, a friend of mine suggested I do an uncrossing. It took me a while to get the things that I needed. I also put it off because I didn't think it would help based on my "symptoms". But tonight I decided I needed to do it.

So I pulled out my supplies and started the process...

working my mojo

I'll pray every day as I light this candle. Once it's finished burning, I'll do a reversal and then see how things feel. You know, I really don't do enough magically/spiritually. I need to focus again.

Anywho, I need to make a list of supplies I need for some holiday baking I want to do this weekend. If the weather does turn, I'll run to the store tomorrow on my way home and get my supplies. Then I'll be all set for being snowed in. If it doesn't, and we only get rain I'll wait and go to Mum's on Saturday to let her help me with the baking.

blessings
~*~

As I wrote this I found we have been moved to a winter weather warning and with projected 3-5 inches. I'll believe it when I see it.

trying

2009-12-14T19:33:00.003-05:00

trying... to work

trying... to smile

trying... to not be sad and depressed all the time

trying... to cope with the stress of the holidays

trying... to stand the loneliness

i really don't like this time of year. someone asked the other day what my favorite part of the holidays was and i couldn't think of a single thing. now, days later, i've realized the only thing i really like about this time of year is the lights. so many pretty lights all over.

i've tried to get in the spirit of the season, but i keep getting knocked back out. car trouble has taken the last of my savings this weekend. i'm struggling to get enough money to make it through the rest of the month. i'm supposed to make cupcakes for a work luncheon this week, and i don't have the money to purchase the ingredients...how sad is that?

i've been pretty quiet around here because i haven't had much to say. i still don't, it seems.

maybe later...

blessings
~*~

An Awesome Giveaway

2009-12-05T19:49:00.003-05:00

Jennifer over at Gypsy Mare Studios is having a fantastic giveaway. Please take a minute to check it out.

I won her Halloween giveaway and love the pendant I won and have received many compliments on it. I like it so much I went back and bought one! :)

Blessings
~*~

So far behind...

2009-12-03T10:01:00.004-05:00

I am so far behind on so many things. I don't know how it happened, but the productive holiday weekend I had planned did not materialize. Instead, I spent three days in my pajamas and hoodie, curled up on the sofa with the beastie and kitty watching TV and reading. I only got dressed and went out on Sunday because it was our family Thanksgiving meal.

I decorated the house Tuesday night, except I have a plain tree sitting in my living room. The lights for the tree have been stolen by the light fairies, so I've got to get some today so I can decorate tonight. I promise pictures later.

I'm still trying to get caught up in bloglandia too. So many blogs that I love to read, it is starting to be all I do when I get home from work.

Anyway, I'm still here. I've moved from fall to winter and am ready for the snow that is forecast for our area on Saturday (a 90% chance!). I'll be doing my snow dance and snow spell all week. :)

Blessings
~*~

goodness blossoms

2009-11-24T18:54:00.007-05:00

Not to jinx anything, but I sure have been feeling good lately. The past few weeks have gone very well. I've made it to work every day (except the one day after the beast came home and was not well). I've been able to keep up with things around the house and yard. I feel...renewed, somehow. I'm not certain what triggered the turn around, but I am enjoying every moment of it. I'm hoping that if I enjoy it, acknowledge it and focus on it, I'll create more of it. (See, Ren, I'm learning!)

The beast is doing pretty well. He did develop an infection at the site of one of his staples, but it is starting to heal and he seems to be doing well as far as his diabetes. That makes me very happy. He was also set free from the satellite dish. (Extreme Happiness ensued!)

I've had so much fun in the kitchen lately. I had forgotten how much I enjoy baking and cooking. This weekend was a kitchen frenzy! I made a delicious Squash Casserole for thanksgiving with my dad and family. I'd had this idea for cupcake that I wanted to try, so I experimented on Sunday.

Candy Kiss Cupcakes

They turned out pretty well, but there are a few little things I'll do different when I make them again. They seemed to be a big hit at work and I liked them very much.

This weekend I also made a chicken alfredo.

It was my first from scratch alfredo and was so easy and delicious. I can't wait to do it again. It just can't be too often since it has so many carbs. :(

Tomorrow is the last day of work this week. I'm hoping for an early release and if that comes through, I'll be sitting in the theater watching "New Moon". Most everyone I've heard from that has seen it loved it and have already seen it more than once. I'm hopeful that I will like it too. I hear they've already set the release date for "Eclipse". That was fast!

My mum's side of the family won't have our thanksgiving until Sunday so I have Thursday, Friday and Saturday all to myself. I'm already planning a few things I want to bake/cook and also want to get the house decorated for Yule. I'm hoping to put up a tree this year, if the finances can afford it.

Wow..it seems my new neighbors are in a band and practice in their garage. They are VERY loud. I can hear them as if I was sitting beside them even with windows closed and the TV pretty loud. Hmmm.. guess I'm an old fuddy duddy...but I really miss the quiet of the old neighbors. It's funny, because they had a band too, and practiced there, but it was never this loud. Sheesh...

Okay, enough with my old lady-ness... I'll leave you with a few photos...

flowers and pumpkin from the farmers market

a basket of blooms for thanksgiving (found on my doorstep when I arrived home today)

I hope you have a lovely holiday (if it is one you celebrate) and a wonderful night.

blessings
~*~

bake, knit, look and listen

2009-11-19T20:01:00.009-05:00

Well, it has been a grey few days here and I have to say I'm loving it. Winter gets closer with every raindrop. I think tomorrow the sun is to come out and the temps go back into the high 60's. I prefer cloudy and 30's with snow, but you take what you can get when you live in the south. :)

Tonight I made another batch of apple bread and this one seems to have turned out better than the first batch. I had a co-worker ask me to make them a loaf to take on a trip to see their family. She wants to pay me for it so now I have to figure out how much to ask. Weird. I've never been paid for my food before.

Speaking of food...

the addiction continues.... I need help... or to at least find a recipe that doesn't have as much sugar/carb count. :)

I worked on the black and white scarf last night and made a good amount of progress. I'm hoping to get it finished by Thanksgiving. I have an idea for a scarf that I want to try and am anxious to start it.

This weekend I have Thanksgiving with my dad's side. I'm to make a squash/zucchini casserole. Just as I was typing this I remembered that I forgot to get my supplies when I ran to the grocers to get supplies for the apple bread. Sheesh... guess I'll be going back to the grocers tomorrow.

Now for some color...

Japanese maple at the bedroom window

hmm... where did I leave that rake?

oh... this came in the mail today...

I think I'll check it out while I watch the UNC ballgame.

I'm loving this song...are you going to see the movie? I'm going to try to wait a few weeks, I don't like crowded theaters. So if you do see it, please don't tell me about it. :)

blessings
~*~

experimenting

2009-11-17T19:42:00.010-05:00

I was checking email and cuddling with the beastie when I happened to glance out the front window. The color outside was such a pretty pink/orange mix that I grabbed my camera and ran out to try to capture it.

The picture is a little darker than the light actually was, but it is pretty close to what I saw.

In an effort to do more of my favorite things, I did a little experimenting at dinner tonight. I needed to find something to have with the chili that I made over the weekend. I can't stand eating the same leftovers after the third or fourth meal. So, I try to do some different things with them. What can you do to make chili different?

I had some potatoes and homegrown bell peppers in a bowl on the counter and I'd been contemplating what I could do with them. What to do, what to do...

So, I tossed some butter in a skillet...

...chopped up some bell peppers, a little onion and a couple of small potatoes.

I tossed the onion and pepper into the pan first.

I added the potatoes a few minutes later. Then I sprinkled on a little freshly ground black pepper, sea salt and nice dusting of garlic powder.

I gave them a stir and cooked them until the potatoes where just a little soft and browned.

I heated up a bit of this weekends chili, topped it with a little shredded cheese and...

voila

It was pretty good, if I do say so myself. Simple, quick and a decent dinner.

I've been finding some very cool recipes online and am looking forward to trying some of them.

The apple and pumpkin breads that I took to work today were warmly received. I hope my co-workers won't mind being my guinea pigs when it comes to my baking. :)

A brief beastie update: Late yesterday afternoon, the amazing Dr. F (our favorite vet) called to check up on the beastie. I described his symptoms and his all night pee-fests. She prescribed a pain med which I immediately went to pick up. He snuck into bed with me last night and slept through the night. He didn't try to jump down at all and I was able to pick him up and lower him without too much trouble. He's still real wobbly on his legs and I can see some pain in his eyes. I think the pain medicine kind of drugs him a bit because he was very dizzy looking a few hours after he had it tonight. I guess we'll see how he does tonight. I'm to call Dr. F in the morning with another update. She is so fabulous!

Well, I'm off to do some more blog hopping. I need to work on the black and white scarf, but it is impossible to knit with this big satellite dish dog head in my lap. :)

blessings
~*~

over the weekend

2009-11-16T14:29:00.004-05:00

It's been a sort of lazy weekend around here. We've been letting the beastie rest. I slept the first night on the floor beside him, hoping that would help him feel better, to have me close. That was a miserable night! Saturday he continued to rest and recuperate and I piddled around the house and made pumpkin bread and homemade chili. Saturday night was pretty rough. The beastie didn't want to sleep and had to go out to pee every couple hours. I tried to keep him on his dog bed and moved it into the bedroom beside my bed, but he just couldn't get settled. He kept falling down the stairs whenever we went out for him to pee. His legs are just not steady or strong anymore.

Sunday, I mostly surfed the internet, tried to keep up online with the Steelers game (since it wasn't on TV here) and watched the Tarheels basketball game. The beast wouldn't eat breakfast and was very lethargic. I was trying to get some roasted chicken for him, but couldn't get out of the house and couldn't get anyone to bring me one from the store. I was finally able to get him to eat late that afternoon. Last night was another round of no sleeping and constant wandering around the house/needing to pee. We must have gone out every 45minutes to an hour from 9am until about 6:30 this morning. I decided to stay home with him today because I'm worried about the constant need to pee (but apparently that is only at night) and because I was exhausted. I was able to get him to lay back down and so I could get a little sleep this morning. Now he's conked out on the sofa beside me, snoring.

This morning I made apple bread. I used the same recipe that I use for my pumpkin and banana bread, it's my grandmother's recipe. I was a little worried after I mixed it all up because the batter was more like a dough. But I went ahead and baked it anyway.

It looks okay, but tastes better. The crust is a bit crunchy which I'm not fond of on sweet breads.

I've been in a cooking/baking mood for a while now. I love to cook/bake but I get bored with the leftovers after the third or fourth meal. Something that I want to do is try new recipes. I want to experiment a bit with my cooking and start eating outside of my normal range of foods. I also want to do more baking. I'm so inspired by most everything here, here and here.

So, as part of my ever improving outlook on life, I'm going to start doing some of my favorite things. (That is what this blog is about, isn't it?) I hope to post recipes and pictures of some of my fun.

Tomorrow is back to work, lack of sleep or no, and back to the regular day to day stuff. I'm trying to come up with how to spend my Thanksgiving. I only have to spend the Sunday after with family, but that gives me Thursday, Friday and Saturday all to myself. I wonder how much fun I can have in those three days. :)

blessings
~*~

quick post

2009-11-14T19:58:00.002-05:00

The beast came home last night. Yay! He's doing pretty good. He's not allowed up on the bed yet which means I slept on the floor last night... or tried to. :)

He has on an e-collar to keep him from picking at his incision.

Thanks for all your kind words, thoughts, wishes and prayers. It really means a lot to us.

Hopefully regular posting will resume...soon. :)
blessings
~*~

keeping warm

2009-11-12T19:24:00.003-05:00

It is 46 degrees outside, windy and very wet. Ida blew through our area yesterday bringing very high winds and pounding rain that at some times was falling sideways. The tree in my front yard has taken a beating. Pre-Ida it was still covered in beautiful yellow/gold leaves with just a hint of crimson. Now they are mostly on the ground. I watched yesterday as it seemed like it was raining leaves. I wish I'd taken pictures. :(

Beastie's progress is not so great. It was late Tuesday before they could get him to eat much. He apparently really likes Oven Roasted Turkey, but does not like plain mashed potatoes. :) Yesterday he ate really well, his regular dog food, and they took the catheter out and stopped giving him fluids. Today, he went back down hill. He wasn't eating and apparently was extremely lethargic. The doctor called me a little while ago and gave me the latest update. They had to put the catheter back in to give him fluids, mostly to try to flush the glucose out of his system. I'm hopeful that he will come home on Saturday, but at this point I'm not certain.

I can tell you it is a completely different atmosphere in the house without him. It's so quiet. I don't have to sweep the floor every day to clean up his shed fur. The biggest difference is I have room on the bed and sofa to stretch out. And I hate it. I always fuss at when he takes up most of the sofa or when I wake in the middle of the night to find he's pushed me to the very edge of the bed and he's all stretched out beside me taking up the whole thing. But now, I have it to myself. I can't stay warm. He's my heater and he's not here. I sure hope he comes home soon.

I've been drinking hot apple cider since I arrived home, hoping to warm me up from the inside out. It is delicious, but probably very bad for my blood sugar. :)

So, now to some knitting and then bed later.

blessings
~*~

beastie update

2009-11-09T20:50:00.002-05:00

I picked up beastie this morning and transferred him to his regular vet for monitoring. It took two techs to lift him out of the car and help him along to the building. We think the pain is causing him to lose control of his back legs and he is very, very wobbly. He's had a bit of arthritis for a while in those back hips and often has trouble with stairs and getting up and down from the bed/sofa.

He didn't eat until about 3:30 this afternoon and then it was just the teeniest bit. The doc says that isn't surprising given what he's been through but with the diabetes, it is a bit of a worry. The other worry is that his "PVC" (I think that is his platelet count/red blood cell?) was 44 before surgery but late this afternoon was down to 23. She thinks it is because of the liver biopsy they did but because of it being low they didn't want him to be alone at the vet all night. So he can be monitored all night, I had to take him back to the emergency place for him to spend the night. My brother (sweetheart that he is) met me up there and did the lifting so beastie wouldn't be hurt too much.

Tomorrow morning I'll go back to the emergency vet and transport him back to his regular vet for the day. If his "PVC" is good, he will spend a few more days at the vet before coming home. I have no way of keeping him contained (unless I buy a crate) and he must be confined/kept still and calm for at least 8-10 days. I have large steps in and out of the house and I know I can't lift him up and down the steps and don't think he could make them on his own. So, more than likely he'll be staying there for a few days.

I was so disturbed when I saw him this morning. He has a large incision down his belly and many, many staples sealing it shut. He couldn't lay down on his belly and couldn't get comfortable on his side, so he sat up on his butt, sort of almost on his back with his butt tucked under him. I don't think it helped me that his winky was sticking out. :)

Anyway, I didn't sleep all that well last night, weird dreams that I need to figure out the meaning behind. It is so strange not having him curled up beside me. Plus, he keeps me warm!

In other news...I did make it in to work today. Granted I was late due to transport of beastie, but I made certain I got in all 8 hours. It was weird being there, not as miserable as I expected it to be, but not as good as I'd hoped. I didn't have to plug up my ears with music all day. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. Wednesday is a holiday, and then there will be only two more days before two off. I have to figure out how to get myself through each day of work. I can't be off anymore.

Well, I'm off to watch the Steelers play the Broncos. My Tarheels already beat FIU in the college basketball opener. I love this time of year. :)

blessings
~*~

Thank you St. Francis!

2009-11-08T21:43:00.002-05:00

My beastie baby came through surgery just fine. The surgery took about two hours, they pulled out a big part of the cob that the surgeon said would never have been able to be passed through his system. They also got another small part that had the two toothpicks still in it. (I don't own any corn holders so I use toothpicks - which increased my worry about him having eaten it to begin with. He'd already vomited up the other two toothpicks and a small part of the cob.)

She did find some abnormal looking sites on one of his liver nodes and biopsied that, but said that for his age and as long as he's been diabetic, he looks pretty good. When she called, about 40 minutes after surgery ended, he was already standing up and moving around.

I'll go get him in the morning, take him (some food and his insulin) to his regular vet for them to monitor him and make sure he eats and his blood sugar is stable. Hopefully he will come home tomorrow night.

Thank you for your prayers. I just don't know what I'd do without him. I'm already plotting how I'm going to stay warm tonight! :)

blessings
~*~

please say a prayer...

2009-11-08T16:42:00.003-05:00

...for my beastie. He will be under going surgery shortly to remove an obstruction from his stomach. What could be blocking it? A Corn Cob. That's right. He snuck one out of the trash while I was distracted by my mum. And after I'd been so careful since the last time. This one apparently is larger and is wedged in his stomach so they couldn't get him to vomit it up. (Don't you just love that word? Not!)

I'm at home, I would go crazy sitting up there waiting. At least waiting at home I can do things to keep me occupied. Who knows, I may end up going back up there anyway. I'm very worried. His age, his diabetes and the ever present "chance" when you have to sedate a pet. oy...

They let me see him before I left and I told him I wasn't ready for him to leave just yet and he'd best behave himself and come home safe and sound.

blessings
~*~

sinking again...

2009-11-05T16:22:00.004-05:00

i feel myself slipping

back down

under the shadows, under the grey

i'm afraid

of what? i have no idea...

there is so much

pain, anger, fear and uncertainty

today is the first day out since sunday

this causes more anxiety, more worry...

will they forgive me for not being there,

will they let me come back? can i make myself go back?

i feel like i'm on a runaway roller-coaster

one that has no breaks, no stops, it just spins...

round and round... will it ever stop?

i don't know who to talk to, where to go, what to do anymore

one minute, i want to just disappear

the next, cry out for help

by the time i make up my mind to do one or the other

my mind changes...again, so i have to start trying to figure it out

all over again...

keeps getting better

2009-10-29T19:16:00.004-05:00

I'm getting better. Every day I can feel myself feeling free-er, happier, calmer. I don't know exactly what changed, but I like it. I have ideas again, I have energy. I have ... life.

My herbal teacher brought me some things to help counteract the anxiety and stress I've been feeling. I've started taking a tincture she makes. Also, Oatstraw and Nettle infusions were started tonight.

Tomorrow is a "halloween" breakfast at work. We are supposed to bring a breakfast item. In our room we were all debating what to bring and I said I was thinking about either bagels from Panera or pumpkin bread (homemade) and everyone yelled out Pumpkin Bread! So... when I came home and got settled, I started the bread. It turned out better than any I've ever made.

I'm thinking this weekend I'll make chicken and noodles and maybe pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese icing. yum yum...

I love making homemade bread, but do it so rarely because a- i can't eat it all myself and b- it is so time consuming. Turns out, it really didn't take any time at all for me to put this recipe together tonight and once it was in the oven I could turn my attention to other things. I'm going to start making some kind of homemade bread at least once a week. I can always take any surplus food to the office (they are like Mikey - they'll eat anything). There are so many different types of bread I want to try. The first one will be the Buttered Rosemary Rolls that Ree over at The Pioneer Woman wrote about today. I know they aren't completely from scratch, but it's a start and sounds so fabulous! I do have a wonderful yeast roll recipe from my Grandmother that I could use for it too. mmmm... yeast rolls.... (ugh.. I can hear my blood sugar racing up the scale as I think about it). That is the one bad thing about my bread plan. Being diabetic, I really should stay away from bread. But I'll work on the breads and I'll also look for recipes that aren't as bad or are at least a little carb/diabetic friendly (is there such a thing?) :)

I'm going to go start my latest knitting project. The black and white fun fur scarf I mentioned a few days ago, hasn't been started yet, so I'll do that tonight while I watch what would loosely be termed a football team of UNC visit Virginia Tech. At least basketball season starts soon. :)

blessings
~*~

a good day

2009-10-26T19:46:00.006-05:00

thanks for the comments on yesterdays post...i appreciate the words and thoughts..

Today was a pretty decent day. I did have a hard time getting out of bed this morning, but I made it in to work on time. It was a pretty quiet day at work and I didn't feel pressured and was able to make it through.

I picked up some yarn to start a new scarf for a co-worker of my SIL.

I'm not sure about how it is going to work with the white yarn base and the black fun fur...but that is what she wanted. I'll probably start it tomorrow at lunch.

After work I took care of some chores around the house. I was sitting on the steps of the deck waiting for the beast to come back up when I found a surprise in one of the flower beds...in amongst the weeds...

It's a salvia like one I planted two summers ago. I didn't see it at all this summer and now...there it is...

so pretty...

tomorrow is another day, hopefully it will be a good one...

finding the light

2009-10-25T16:59:00.007-05:00

I've been in the dark for a while now. I think it all started when I went to the mountains early in the month. That trip went so badly and I seemed to spiral down after that. I've felt so lost, so alone. Most of the past several weeks I can't even remember. There have been times when it seems like I'm awaking from a dream...I've lost time, found myself in places that I have no recollection of going to. I've missed a lot of work, a lot of family and friend time. I guess I've been hiding, but I don't know what I'm hiding from. I know Halloween is coming up, but I really have felt like a zombie. Not the kind that eats brains, but the kind that just goes through the motions, that kind can barely get up the energy to get out of bed.

What time I remember, has been spent here...

...or here...

I've barely seen the changes outside, only stepping out the front door far enough to collect the mail from the box. I made two excursions away from home this week. One, at the instance of a dear friend, to collect a few spiritual tools to aid in overcoming my current state (only to find the shop was out of most of what I needed). Several hours and a scary trip to the wal-marts later, I felt almost worse than when I left. Friday, I skipped out on a family dinner, which angered my mum making the situation even worse.

Yesterday was the last session of the nine month course I've been taking in herbal medicine making. It was a lovely time and I'm so glad that I practically forced myself to leave the house and go. I realized on the drive to class (40+ minutes from home) that I'd missed the change in the light. That time of year where the light turns from blindingly bright to a subtle glow. That is always when I know fall is here (despite the temperature in the high 70's). I think that is also when I realized how in the dark I'd been.

The rest of the day yesterday and today have been spent trying to find the light...bringing it back into my home and into me.

I'm not there yet...but I'm getting closer.

blessings
~*~

a couple of thank you's

2009-10-24T20:14:00.005-05:00

So last week, during my self-imposed hibernation (I'll explain later), I won two giveaways. Yep... TWO! :-)

The first was by the lovely Jennifer at Gypsy Mare Studios. I got to pick a pendant from her Etsy shop. It was a hard decision... so many beautiful pendants! I did manage to pick one and it arrived on Thursday. It came wrapped so cute and she also included three of her wonderful headless horseman cards.

I picked the Blue Moon and Stars Pendant...

It's even more beautiful in person. Thank you so much, Jennifer!

After that lovely surprise, I received an email from the fabulous Melissa at Fantastical World of Holidays (otherwise known as The Holiday Queen).

I won a party favor... one of her adorable treat cups. It is so cute and here it is...filled with my own treats for Halloween.

Thank you so much, Melissa.

I can't tell you both how much your prizes brightened my week.

blessings
~*~

Octoberfarm is having a giveaway...

2009-10-24T15:05:00.001-05:00

...and it is really cool! Check it out here...

blessings
~*~

more giveaways

2009-10-19T09:36:00.001-05:00

Mrs. B has some awesome giveaways today. This one is my favorite. Check them out.
blessings
~*~

another fabulous giveaway

2009-10-18T10:55:00.003-05:00

I tell you...there are some wonderful artists out there and some great people! Mrs. B is still holding the giveaways and there is one there today that I just love. Click on the link on the left to go check out Mrs. B's giveaways. Click here to see the giveaway by Gypsy Mare Studios. Her art is just beautiful!

blessings
~*~

Another great giveaway via Mrs. B

2009-10-17T13:00:00.002-05:00

Check out the amazing giveaway that Jaz (Octoberfarm) is doing for Mrs. B's 31 days of Halloween! I so hope I win this one!

http://silvermoonwitch.blogspot.com/2001/10/if-any-one-single-giveaway-was-going-to.html

blessings
~*~

another cool giveaway

2009-10-12T17:48:00.002-05:00

Mrs. B's 31 days of fun is still going on and she's got some great giveaways. This is one of my favorites!

Don't forget to check her site every day. There's a button on my side bar to the left that takes you to her site. :-)

blessings
~*~

Finished!

2009-10-05T14:18:00.003-05:00

I finally finished the baby blanket! Yay!

I started it in May as a gift for my sister in law's sister's new baby. She had the baby in August and I just now finished it. Oh well, better late than never...

blessings
~*~

Giveaways!

2009-10-03T13:10:00.002-05:00

So everyone and their brother (or I should say sister, since most of the blogs I read are written by women...hmmm..anyway) is having giveaways during the month of October. Since I love free stuff (doesn't everyone) and some fabulous things are being given away, I'm going to mention them here.

Our first one (remember, I'm playing catch up) is from Cat at Darkling Woods Studio... (love love love her art!)

take a peek and if you like, enter the contest!

blessings
~*~

Home

2009-10-03T12:55:00.002-05:00

I'm home...three days early.

Long story, the details of which I am certain to bore you with later.

I've missed all the start of October blog fun. I'm going to spend the afternoon playing catch up. (and hopefully getting my fall/halloween decor down from the attic!)

blessings
~*~

lets take a ride

2009-09-30T14:04:00.003-05:00

As of now, I'm still going on my trip. The migraines are fading in and out and I'm quite anxious about this trip, but I feel that I truly need to get away from here for a few days. I went out for a bit earlier, picking up some things for the babies and filling the car with gas for the trip. I've started packing and picking out things I need to take. I want to have certain things with me, especially since I'll be there during the full moon. This full moon is a wishing moon and I plan to make a few wishes.

As I said, I'm very anxious about this trip, and usually that would keep me from going. But I'm not letting it this time, for two reasons. One is that there are other people that are supposed to be coming up and two because I don't feel like I can get over this bout of anxiety until I get away. Staying home doesn't seem to help when I get like this. I think because I live so close to my work, because one of my coworkers lives near by and my mom is always checking on me I feel trapped here. I feel like I can't even step outside my door.

I definitely need to get away. I definitely need sunshine, fresh air and freedom. I plan to take lots of pictures. If I can find a place with wi-fi, maybe I'll be able to post.

blessings
~*~

anxiety

2009-09-29T08:00:00.003-05:00

it is cold here this morning. a lovely 54 degrees as i write this. my windows are open and i'm enjoying the crisp autumn air. as i type, i am counting down the minutes until the end of mercury retrograde. (it ends at 9:13am -eastern) this time around was a doozy and i'm still trying to recover.

i think it might be part of the migraines, although, honestly, i'm beginning to think sometimes i give them to myself in order to avoid things i don't want to do...like...work. that's right, i'm at home today as well as having spent the day at home yesterday... i wonder sometimes if i'll ever make it through a full week of work anymore.

i'm supposed to be going out of town on thursday, up to the mountain house. i love it up there and know that i will want to stay once i get there. if i could find a job up there, i'd take it in a second, but i doubt the economy is any better there than here. here i have almost 11 years of service, granted it is in a job i really almost despise, but it will provide a decent retirement if i can just hang in there until i have 30 years.

now that i've missed two days at work this week, i feel guilty about not being there the rest of the week. it is amazing how this guilt thing works on me. i feel horrible for not showing up, not being there to do my part, but then i feel worse about going in and facing everyone. i suppose it is a part of the panic/anxiety that i've never been able to overcome. i've always been embarrassed about not being able to overcome my panic attacks and i guess that hasn't changed. it doesn't help that i work with a bunch of overgrown two year olds though. ugh

i was already scheduled to be off work this thursday and friday and the coming monday. if i don't go to work tomorrow that will be six work days off in a row...my boss really won't like that. my mum is already mad that i didn't go in today, sometimes that is the worst part, the disappointment that i hear in her voice.

at this point i'm questioning whether or not i can make the trip to the mountains. there are friends coming up and so i feel like i can't let them down, but i don't know if i'm capable right now of being around people. it is all so confusing and frustrating... i wish i could just change, could be the person i want to be and not the person i am. i always look forward to my time in the mountains, but right now i'm dreading it and i hate that i feel that way.

i really haven't done much. i've been working on the baby blanket and am getting close to finishing it. i'd hoped to finish it before i left for the mountains, but it looks like i'll be taking it with me. hopefully i'll get it done while there. i've yet to put out any fall decorations, they are all still up in the attic. maybe when i get back i'll feel like getting them out.

if i do end up in the mountains, there is not internet access at the house, so i won't be able to post until i return...maybe i'll have something good to talk about then...

blessings
~*~

Too long of a weekend...

2009-09-15T16:25:00.002-05:00

I had too long of a weekend... in other words.. I didn't work yesterday or today. Migraines again... what is so bad, I haven't even taken my remedies that will help get rid of the pain. There is that neglect thing again...

Friday was crazy... I kept dropping equipment at work. My mum had her car die in the middle of a major road at rush hour. I had to go pick her up and drive her around. Saturday wasn't bad, I had herb class and spent some time afterward visiting my my friend and her husband.

Sunday I had an argument with my mum and later in the day ended up locking myself out of my house. I spent almost 30 minutes breaking into it. My poor sick puppy was stuck outside in the backyard in the heat of the day while I tried to get us back in. I finally managed it, but it worries me that someone else could do it too.

I woke Monday morning around 3 with a very bad migraine and haven't been able to get rid of it.

I cannot wait until mercury retrograde is over... it is a shame it is a few more weeks before that happens though...

I did check my pumpkin this weekend and he's looking good. I turned him to try to keep him from getting a flat side. I will still have to buy a lumina (white) pumpkin this year, but I should be able to use the one I've grown. Yay! If I do buy a lumina, I'll have to save some of the seeds so I can grow my own next year.

I did finish re-reading the Harry Potter series. Now I'm restarting the Twilight series. I really need some new reading material. :-)

Anyway, I'm off to take my remedies and try to get rid of this migraine. Then I might read for a bit or have some dinner.

Hope everyone is having a good week.
blessings
~*~

It's almost Friday...

2009-09-10T18:46:00.006-05:00

Happy Almost Friday!

I want to thank everyone who commented on this post. I want to give a special thank you to Denise at ODD Imagination for giving me her "I Heart This Post Award". Thank you!
I sometimes feel like all I do on my blog is whine and complain and I get very nervous about sharing too much information. Your responses have really helped me to realize that I am not alone in my feelings and that I am relatively normal. I am slowly working on those things that I talked about. As I make progress I'm certain that I will share it here. After all, it is my blog and I can write about what I want. Right? :-)

This weekend is class number eight of my herbal apprenticeship class. I can't believe that there is only one class left after this one. It seems this year has flown by and it will soon be time to start a new one.

I've been reading and watching some lovely artists on their blogs for a while. I'm fascinated by art journals and think I want to give it a try. On that end, I'm going to try to take this course with the lovely LK Ludwig. {As if I needed another excuse to take photos!} I found out about it from the oh so fabulous Nina Bagley, whose jewelry, as well as her spirit, is just amazing.

Well, I'm going to finish up a few things before the Steelers v Titans game starts so I can watch the game.

Go Steelers! :-)

(I took this last week at the exhibition game vs Panthers.)

blessings
~*~

a brand new day..

2009-09-07T12:57:00.006-05:00

Sorry for such a long post yesterday. It was something I felt I had to get out of my system. Today has been a good day, as was the weekend. I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but I will. :-)

Yesterday I worked in the veggie garden, getting it ready for fall planting. Late yesterday, I made a basil infused oil and a sage infused oil. I also strained up a catnip tincture that we made in my herbal apprenticeship course a few months ago. Since catnip is a sleep aid, I will probably use this to help me try to sleep through the night.

This morning, I've slept in a bit, then worked in the herb bed. I'm trying to save the plants that got tore down by the mower. I was able to find a large number of job's tears.

I plan to plant a lot of these once I get the bed cleared out and then will hopefully have a lovely section for next summer.

Here is a photo of my progress so far...

In the middle of that newspaper is the remnant of the job's tears plant. I'm hopeful that it will survive. I was also able to find the vervain. I don't know if it will live, but I hope so.

All this yard work has left my arm very sore and so despite the nice weather, I'm calling it a day today. I am planning on working on my knitting project that I should have finished last month. I need to get it finished soon or at the rate I'm going, the baby will be an teenager! :-)

Wanna see something cute?

Yes...it's the most vicious ruler of the house...showing his very dangerous teeth and letting out a most commanding roar. Just kidding... it was actually a yawn.

Alright, I'm settling in with the knitting and a Criminal Minds marathon on A&E.

Enjoy the rest of your labor day holiday...
blessings
~*~

life lessons

2009-09-06T15:14:00.002-05:00

The past week has been a struggle for me. Between the stress of my workdays, a mystery foot ailment (that the doctor cannot diagnose) and a landscaping nightmare, I was glad to see the end of the week. I am very hopeful that having tomorrow off for the holiday, will start the week off well and that it continues on throughout the rest of it.

The weather has turned back to hot days (80+) and coolish nights (65+) so I've continued to leave the windows open. It is fascinating to me how nature strives to be heard over the noise of the city. Or am I just listening harder for it? The cicadas are singing so loudly..the birds of the neighborhood chirping their songs. While working in the garden today, I heard a bird call that I did not recognize. It almost sounded like a whippoorwill, but I don't think that they are native to our area. I love the sounds of nature...

Do you believe in life lessons?

I believe that we are here for a purpose, that each of us have goals, if you will, to accomplish before we move on to the next life. I believe that if we learn our lessons we can accomplish these goals and move on to other lessons in the next life. In the course of each life, we have many life lessons to learn and they can be very hard to recognize.

This past week, I think that I finally learned one of my lessons for this lifetime.

I have a problem with neglect. I will start a project {hello, ravelry sidebar anyone?;-)}, and it will sit untended until it is too late to fix or mend or help it. This happens with most everything in my life.

First, is my health (I foolishly eat and drink things that a diabetic should never ingest), when I was on prescription medications for various issues, I'd forget to take them most of the time. I stopped exercising and have started gaining weight again. So I am neglecting myself, physically.

My house is next, as it is usually quite the mess. I rarely dust or sweep the floors, I'd rather have hot pokers stuck in my eyes than clean the bathroom on most days and keeping the kitchen and laundry up to date has not been my strong suit either. I'm a bit of a pack rat and will try to keep anything and everything that comes my way. Truthfully, the best thing about the work we did on the house this summer was that I was forced to make myself de-clutter and dispense with so much excess.

My fur children... well they are actually very well taken care of. The only thing that I neglect with them is the litter box sometimes, otherwise they are very well provided for and loved.

My art is neglected on a daily basis. I start knitting projects, but never finish them. I start art projects but never finish them. I have so many ideas and creations floating around in my head that I never do anything with... neglect...

My craft... I often ignore sabbats and esbats, forget to put spells in my book of shadows, and rarely do tarot readings anymore. I sorely neglect my spiritual side and have realized that when it is the most neglected, that is when the migraines come in and refuse to leave. I hardly ever listen to my intuition anymore...neglect...

Gardening is one of my most favorite things. I enjoy more than almost anything, planting, tending and watching grow the veggies, flowers and herbs that I plant. And yet... I neglect them too. I use the heat of the summer as an excuse to let the yard go and not get it mowed for three weeks. Then when the grass is as high as my knees, I'll call someone in and have them mow it. I've done this twice now - once either last summer or the one before and last week.

Here is where the life lesson comes into play... the previous time I had someone come and mow for me, they mowed down a 3ft tall blooming hydrangea that my stepmum had given me (it still hasn't grown back) and I was extremely upset. Last week, the landscaper I hired to mow the YARD...went into every flower/herb bed that I have and MOWED THEM DOWN. I lost echineca, job's tears, mint, nettle, hyssop, ANOTHER HYDRANGEA, angelica, black-eyed susans (these were blooming), daisies, spiderwort (also blooming). The only thing he didn't mow down, was the Queen Cleome.

I was devastated when I came home from work and saw what had happened. It made me very ill when I realized I paid him EXTRA and he did this. And the worst part about it was that I had only myself to blame. The flower beds were very weedy so I'm sure to someone it might look like grass to be mowed, but if you have to move landscape fencing to get to it, wouldn't you think that it was not to be touched? All that aside, my intuition that morning told me to call him and let him know what areas not to touch. But I NEGLECTED to make that call...

After this discovery, I called my a good friend and told her about it. I told her about what had happened before and how I knew there must be a lesson in it, but wasn't sure what it was. We continued to talk and suddenly I knew. The lesson is neglect. I must cease being neglectful in my life. I must cease neglecting the things that mean the most to me.

Ever since October of 2004, I have been very neglectful of my life in every fashion. I realized while talking to my friend that I used the illness as an excuse to not care about things. Why should I continue researching my family history (something that for over ten years was a constant joy to me) when I had no one to share it with and to pass it on? Why should I care if I'm overweight, no man would want me anyway, if I can't give them children? Why should I take care of my house, keep things up, if no one ever comes over anyway? Can you see the pattern? I can... and I truly believe this lesson has been learned.

Now that I have recognized this pattern, this lesson... I am working on being present and attentive to every aspect of my life. I have cleaned my house, prepped the garden for fall planting, spent extra time with my fur babies and tried to pay more attention to my health and eating. It is just a start, but at least it IS a start. I think, no, I hope this lesson has been learned.

blessings
~*~

It is... September...

2009-09-02T20:04:00.003-05:00

The air is cool, the windows are open...

I love this time of year. Fall is really approaching and even though the temperatures during the day are heading back up into the 80's, at night, it is a very cool 60's. The moon will be full in two days... mercury retrograde is back in four...topsy turvy, turvy topsy...

I've hurt my foot (the doctor can't tell me exactly what is wrong) but it is keeping me from the garden. I'm going to try to get out there this weekend, even if I'm hobbling. I have someone coming to mow tomorrow or Friday, so I'll only have to weed... weed... weed... weed...
I seem to have the most fertile soil in the county. I can't keep the weeds away.

I've only one pumpkin left... the littlest rotted out. The big one seems to still be safe though. I'll find out for certain this weekend. I'm holding out until at least the first week in October to harvest it. I've not done very well on my vegetable goals this summer. I had wanted to really eat as much as I could that came from my own garden... but honestly, most of it has either been frozen, or gone bad before I could eat it. Next year, I WILL do better.

I'm getting ready to plant some fall/winter crops. I want to plant some more garlic, some collards and maybe some kale.

Last night I dreamed about animals. Bears, deer, and something that looked like cougar, but the eyes and horns were different. The biggest thing I remembered was that I was upset that I didn't have my camera. This morning, I made sure to put my camera in my bag and keep it with me all day. I never saw any unusual animals, but I will continue to keep it with me.

Sorry this is just a bunch of ramblings tonight. My brain is mushy and I'm very tired.

Tomorrow night is the official start of football season, yet another sign that fall is here. I'm going to Charlotte to see the Panthers and Steelers. Hopefully this trip will be much better than the last one.

I'm going to head outside now and see if I can get a few moon photos (and enjoy this beautiful cool weather).

Blessings
~*~

autumn

2009-08-17T19:32:00.006-05:00

I don't know about you...but I am ready for the arrival of autumn. It has been so hot lately, I hibernate in my house with the air conditioning blasting. I prefer the fresh air blowing through my open windows, but with the heat... not gonna happen.

I feel like autumn is coming soon. Not just because September is around the corner, but because I can feel a change in the air. It feels thinner and a little lighter. Are you ready for autumn? Ready for the long hot days of summer to be over?

My garden is ready for autumn too. Pumpkins are growing, tomatoes are plentiful, as well as the bell peppers, eggplant and jalapenos. I really hope to have at least one pumpkin from my garden for Halloween.

Maybe this one...

or this one...

As I was picking tomatoes tonight, I saw the prettiest sunset ... it was so lovely I had to run to the house and grab the camera. While I was out, I took he photos of the pumpkins.

Know’st thou not at the fall of the leaf
How the heart feels a languid grief
Laid on it for a covering,
And how sleep seems a goodly thing
In Autumn at the fall of the leaf?

And how the swift beat of the brain
Falters because it is in vain,
In Autumn at the fall of the leaf
Knowest thou not? and how the chief
Of joys seems—not to suffer pain?

Know’st thou not at the fall of the leaf
How the soul feels like a dried sheaf
Bound up at length for harvesting,
And how death seems a comely thing
In Autumn at the fall of the leaf?

Autumn Song
Dante Gabriel Rossetti (1883)

blessings
~*~

adventures in random...

2009-08-16T09:06:00.007-05:00

Over the summer I embarked on several new adventures. The biggest was the remodeling at my home. Another big one was participating in a "Shop Local Fair". The was quite an adventure for me on several levels.

One, I don't like crowds (I have serious social anxiety issues).
Two, I have never vended before and wasn't really sure what I was doing.
Three, I didn't give myself much time to prepare items to sell.

There was no way I was backing out of this, even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me to stay home and bury my head under the pillows. I made myself go and I'm really glad that I did. I had a good time and even sold a few items. :-)

It wasn't nearly as packed as I'd expected it to be. I was in a good mostly shaded spot on the patio and the vendors that were around me were very nice. I had taken to card tables to use but realized that I only needed one for the things that I had. So, I set up my table and proceeded to spend the day hanging out, meeting people and knitting.

The items I was offering were hand-knit scarves (which in July really isn't something people are looking for), beaded bracelets and spirit catchers.

There is another fair planned for November. I'm thinking I might participate again, this time I would have more scarves made and certainly that would be good in November.

I have several other things I want to make, many ideas floating about in my head. It is mostly a matter of sitting down and doing them. I am trying so many different things trying to find the one that I'm really good at. There has to be something...

Another adventure is that I went to a club a few weeks ago and saw my friends band play. I stayed the whole time and didn't get in until after 2am. I had a blast despite the cigarette smoke and all the drunks. I'm hoping to go again soon to see them perform.

The garden is doing nicely. I've had tons of tomatoes, both cheery and big boy. I've also had a good bit of eggplant, bell peppers and jalapenos. I've had several little pumpkins that ended up rotting on the vine, but right now I have two very nice sized ones that are still hanging in there. I am so excited about that. I'll try to get a photo next time I am in the garden.

The landscapers came while I was away from the blog and cleaned up a lot in my jungle. It looks so much nicer. Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of most of the ivy with using chemicals.

I have so many ideas for the garden. I can't wait for the weather to turn cooler so I can get back out there working. I just can't work when the temps are over 80...I don't last five minutes.

I'm off now, I need to check the laundry, and get ready to go out. I'm meeting Mum at one of the shops to hunt the sales for cushions for the patio furniture. This is the time to buy and I know the ones I have right now will not last through next summer.

Have a wonderful Sunday...

Blessings
~*~

abandonment

2009-08-15T11:15:00.008-05:00

Does it feel like I've abandoned my blog? It does to me, too. But I swear it wasn't intentional. The time has just flown by...one minute it was the middle of June and then I turned around and it is the middle of august. How did that happen? I guess there was just so much going on that I couldn't keep up. I'm still trying to catch up with myself. Ugh.

So I have lots to share, lots of pictures. I will probably not try to fit it all in on this post. It would be wise to spread it out a bit. So I'll start with the remodel. They finished the main projects on time and there was just a few little things that they had to come back and do after I'd moved home and brought the babies home. Boy were they happy to get home. I think they thought I'd abandoned them.

Anyway, in the below photo you can see the new paint and the old floors...

And the next photo is what the floors look like after refinishing...

The top part is the breakfast room/kitchen floor (heart of pine wide plank) and the bottom part is either white ash or oak (the floor guy wasn't sure). I think they both turned out beautifully.

The other big change...the bath...

before...

...after...

Of course there was lots more done, but no real photos that would show the changes. I'm just happy to be home. I am unpacked for the most part. I still have my studio to contend with and will begin working on that next week. I had shelving hung in the closet of that room so that I would have a nice storage space for my supplies.

Oh and to help protect my floors, I bought Dylan a huge,cushy bed for him to lay on instead of him laying on the floors...

money well spent, huh?

I'm off now... I'm getting my hair done in about an hour and still have to decide on the style/color. I'm torn between having it dyed black or red. I've been a red head before (and my natural color has bits of red in it) but I've never had black hair. Hard decisions...

Have a wonderful Saturday...
Blessings
~*~

PS..I've missed you! :-)

Quickie

2009-07-17T15:10:00.001-05:00

I'm home...moved back in... still unpacking a little and still have a few ongoing projects from the big work. But life is slowly returning to normal. I have one more week of craziness then things should slow down to where I can get back to blogging and reading blogs regularly. Next week is crazy busy at work and also I'm getting ready for our Shop Local Fair that is next Saturday. (I'm a vendor and have a lot to do to prepare.)
Blessings
~*~

Things I've seen over the last several weeks...

2009-07-10T14:27:00.004-05:00

decisions

2009-06-25T18:07:00.007-05:00

Why is it so hard to make simple decisions? Is it because there are too many choices? Or perhaps because we just don't know what we like? I don't know. What I do know is that I spent an hour and a half in a big box store tonight looking at paint swatches. This after having spent several hours on two other occasions. Ugh!

Well, I finally picked a color for the walls (Arabian Sands) and trim (Ultra Pure White) as well as picking a stain for the wood floor (Provencial). I wish I had photos that showed the colors. You'll just have to wait until the work is done! :-)

Tonight is the NBA draft and I'll be watching to see where my favorite college basketball player of all time gets drafted.

My plants on my deck seem to be getting better. Mum was at the house today and watered the potted plants, but not the garden. I'll do that tomorrow.

I do have a few photos of garden progress...

bountiful beans

eggplant blossom with ladybug

can you guess what this is? it's a pumpkin bloom! i can't wait to watch it grow...

well...i'm off to knit on the baby blanket (it is taking forever! - picture tomorrow) and watch the draft...

blessings
~*~

MIA

2009-06-23T09:34:00.008-05:00

Wow...what a week it's been...

I lost internet connection at my home on Wednesday night, then Thursday was pack out and move day. That went pretty well given that two of the four guys that were going to help, didn't show until much later than planned. The work started at the house on Friday and on Saturday morning, mum and I went to do some weeding over there.
This is what greeted us on the front porch...

Here's another view:

All of that came out of the bathroom:

They also had to rip out the sub floors because they were rotted and apparently there were three sub floors. I wasn't able to get pictures of that, I'd forgotten to take my camera when i went to water the garden on Sunday morning.

Of course, when I tried to water the garden, I discovered that there is no water on at the house, so I can't water the plants. We are currently in a rain free weather pattern with lots of sun and heat... i'm hoping my plants will survive.

I just got back from going with my step-mum and dad to take their cat to the vet. She was 19 and had been in renal failure for 2 years. It was very hard to watch her leave this world and even harder watching my step-mum say goodbye.

I am way behind on blog reading but will try to get caught up soon. I saw in another comment that Dracenea gave me an award. I've never gotten a blog award before and can't wait to get to her blog and check it out. Thanks so much Dracenea!

I'll check in again when I can.
Blessings
~*~

almost time...

2009-06-14T15:37:00.006-05:00

My house is a maze of boxes. All of my possessions are put away and waiting to be put in the POD that comes tomorrow. The renovations start on Friday. The photo above is of some of the supplies for the work that will be done.

With all the change that is going on in my life right now, I decided to make one more little change. I'll no longer be posting on my old blog. I'm making some changes here in an effort to merge my two very different sides. We'll see how it goes...I may decide that I don't like it and may go back to the old way of keeping two separate blogs.

I have a little bit more packing to do. I should be outside mowing but really don't feel up to it. Tomorrow the landscaper comes to tackle the jungle that is the backyard and the POD arrives. I'll get to start packing it up. The furniture gets packed up on Thursday and I'll be staying at my mums from then until the end of the renovation. Currently we are looking at 27 days before I can bring my kids home. That is a really long time for them to be cooped up. I wish there was another way, but unfortunately there is no other alternative, except not doing the renovations.

Anyway, that's about all I have right now. Except for a few photos...
my beans are flowering

tomato blooms

daylily blooms

blessings
~*~

favorite flowers

2009-06-12T06:49:00.005-05:00

i love hydrangeas... i love the colors and how they can change depending on your soil...i love the leaves and how they each look a little bit different.

all my time has been spent packing and working on a baby gift. i'm almost done with the packing...i'm at the point where i just have to walk around the house and box up the little stuff that is left around. yesterday i went to look at kitchen cabinets with mum. she's now decided that instead of replacing half of the cabinets, we should paint the entire inside of the house and then in a year or two i can replace the kitchen cabinets. this has turned into such an ordeal...i'm worried about how my kids will handle being locked in cages for almost a month... looks like i will be out of the house for 27 days unless they finish earlier...

posting will continue to be sporadic...once i get moved out and over to my mum's i'll be working on my goods for the shop local fair i'm participating in...

blessings
~*~

Photo Hunt #15 - advertisement

2009-06-06T06:29:00.002-05:00

my new business cards arrived just in time for this weeks photo hunt picture...

things i've seen lately...

2009-05-27T11:59:00.003-05:00

Photo Hunt #14 - plastic

2009-05-23T05:19:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I participated in the Photo Hunt. I didn't get a chance to take a picture so went through some recent ones to see if I had anything that fit the theme.

I spend a lot of time in that plastic chair, enjoying the view of my back gardens after each labor session in the garden.

If you would like to participate in Photo Hunters or just see more photos from other hunters... visit tnchick.

Blessings
~*~

feeling blue

2009-05-22T16:33:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling a little blue this week. It seems as the week progresses, the blue-er I feel.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I will be 40 years old.

I don't feel 40.

I don't want to be 40.

Tonight I have dinner with my dad and step-mum. Tomorrow with my mum.

Every time someone has a birthday at work, people bring a cake or bagels or doughnuts.

No one brought anything this morning.

No one even said "Happy Birthday".

As much as I don't want to celebrate my birthday or even have one, you know what I would like more than anything?

A surprise birthday party.

I've never had a surprise party before.

I've been to many, hosted a few...

There has never been one thrown for me.

I would like one... just once.

Sorry to be so morose and self-pitying...

I just needed to get it out of my system.

~*~

moving things along...

2009-05-18T19:55:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned that there were some big changes coming to the cottage. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that I've spent a lot of time contemplating moving. After getting my fence put in, things have really changed around here. I'm enjoying living in my little cottage. I'm enjoying working in my garden (I like that term better than 'yard') and am feeling better about living here.

When the fence was finished we started with the exterior painting project. This is something that would need to be done even if I decided to move. The painter is almost finished and hopefully will be done either this weekend or next. (It's a family member who can only paint on Saturdays, so it is taking a while. I don't mind though, he's very thorough and does a very good job.)

Now that the painting is almost wrapped up, my mum and I have talked about whether or not I was staying and if I was we should finish doing some important updates around the cottage. I feel that this is where I should be for awhile, maybe for the rest of my life. I don't feel the overwhelming urge to move, as I did a few months ago. So, I gave it some thought and have decided to do the updates.

So, here we go...

I have 3 weeks and 3 days to pack up everything in my house and get it packed out into storage. I'm having a complete bathroom remodel (not the style I wanted because the room is not large enough for the clawfoot tub I want, but it will be very nice), having some electrical work done (adding some fixtures and outlets and replacing some fixtures) and having the ceilings redone (most of them are popcorn ceilings and several are cracked and showing space into the attic).

We all have to move out and I'm timing it to coincide with our week long family vacation in June. Since the babies will have to board for the vacation anyway, this will keep it down to two weeks of boarding instead of three. I'll have to stay out of the house for at least two weeks. I plan to come home every day (except when on vacation) and check the garden. I'd hate to lose my plant babies while having this work done. One of my babies, Alwyn, would not survive a stay at the veterinary. He hates it there so much that he doesn't eat, sleep or use the "facilities". He will be staying in a dog cage at my mum's in her garage. I'll stay at mum's and will be able to spend time with him and keep him calm. I think he'll be okay. (He will be 15 on July 1st and has been having some health issues. I worry about him a lot. He is my first baby and I love him so much.)

I'm really excited about these updates. Not the having to pack and move out for a few weeks part, but the part where I have new ceilings, electric and a beautiful new bathroom... that part I'm thrilled with.

I'll be really busy over the next several weeks. Between work, getting packed up/out, and keeping the gardens in shape, it will be very hectic. Plus I have to pick out paint colors, sinks/tubs/toilets, faucets and hardware. I don't know how much I'll get to post, but I hope to post at least a few times a week.

So, that is what is coming to the cottage... any changes going on with you?

Blessings
~*~

It's the Jam!

2009-05-17T14:08:00.011-05:00

As promised yesterday, here is my family's* recipe for homemade strawberry freezer jam. We've been making this every summer for as long as I can remember. Start out with fresh strawberries washed and capped.

We used about 6 quarts.

You'll need sugar and sure-jell as well as half pint jars.

I'll warn you now... if you are diabetic or careful of your sugar intake... this is probably not the best recipe for you. You'll see why in a minute.

Take four cups of berries and mash them up.

You'll end up with two cups mashed berries. Next you want to add the sugar. Here is the scary part... to the two cups of mashed berries, you add four cups of sugar. That's right, I said f.o.u.r. I know... it seems like too much sugar. My mum actually tried making it with less sugar once, we ended up with syrup. It was tasty and my brother loves it... but it isn't jam.

So go ahead and add in that sugar.

Make sure you mix it in really well, you don't want it to be gritty. You want to stir it several times over the next ten minutes.

At the five minute mark, turn on the water for your sure-jell, you need 3/4 cup. Add in one pack of sure-jell and stir well. Once it starts boiling, stir it for one minute. At the ten minute mark, stir the sure-jell mixture into the strawberry mixture and continue stirring for three minutes.

Now fill the jars, leaving about 1 to 1 1/2 inch from the top.

Once the jars are full, cap them and set them to the side.

From the six quarts of strawberries, we ended up with seventeen half-pints and one quart of jam. When your all done, check the jars to make sure they are sealed tight. The jars need to sit at room temperature for twenty-four hours. Once that time has passed, put the jars in the freezer. You have JAM!

Believe me, once you've tried this, you'll never go back to store bought.

*I found out yesterday that the recipe was actually from the sure-jell package. All these years I thought it was an old family recipe, but it isn't. It doesn't matter, it is still delicious!

There is big change coming to the cottage. I'll give an update as soon as I have a chance.
Blessings
~*~

enjoying the day...

2009-05-16T20:17:00.008-05:00

This morning I was feeling a bit down. The sun was hiding behind clouds and light rain and supposedly would not make an appearance all day. I took myself off to the local farmers curb market and picked up some fresh strawberries and peaches, a loaf of artisan white french bread, a head of dutch bibb lettuce and a bouquet of peony blossoms.

When I returned home, I was still feeling restless and upset, so I called my mum and she told me to come over and we would make jam. She and I ran errands, went to the larger farmers market outside of town, rescued a lost dog and made jam. When I came home, I mowed my yard and checked my garden.
Take a look at this photo... do you see what I see?

do you see it? you may need to click the picture to make it bigger...

still don't see it? ... okay... here's a close up...

guess what that is... can you guess? yep, your right...it's a pumpkin sprout! My pumpkin seeds have germinated and sprouted! I'm so excited!

This is how the beans are looking today...

See what else I found in the garden today...

...bunny tracks...that's right... i said bunny... oh boy...

finding new things in the garden, working in the yard, making strawberry jam with my mum... these things lifted my spirits today...

The greatest gift of the garden is the restoration of the five senses. ~Hanna Rion

tomorrow we will have a show and tell about our jam making...

blessings,
~*~

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T07:08:00.001-05:00

Wishing a happy mother's day to all the mothers of the world...

and to those of us who are mothers only in our hearts and souls...

blessings
~*~

gardens, blooms and mysteries

2009-05-03T16:20:00.009-05:00

Today's post is of photos from my weekend. I spent Saturday morning planting my veggies and then the rest of the day piddling around the house. Today has been relaxation day. I've pretty much done nothing but watch movies (Twilight[again], Practical Magic[again] and currently The Skeleton Key...yeah....again!)

First we have a few photos of the mystery plant that I got from my mum, that she got from my her aunt's house when she passed. If anyone knows what this is, please let me know!

here's a closeup of the blossoms:

Next photo is my veggie garden planted...

the bricks are to keep the cardboard down until they settle into the ground. How do you like my make shift trellis for the snap beans I planted?

this is how much room is left that I can plant in...

I'm thinking of planting pumpkins. I know I'm going to do one more tomato plant and possibly another row of beans, but other than that I'm at a loss as to what to do with the space.

I'll leave you with a photo of something I got at the local farmers market yesterday morning...

mmm...delicious!

back to The Skeleton Key and my dinner, red beans and rice with sausage...

blessings
~*~

my day off

2009-05-01T19:01:00.008-05:00

I took the day off from work today. It is the first day I've missed in over two months (yay!). The past two weeks at work have been hell and I've accumulated a bit of comp time. My supervisor told me I could use some of the time today so I planned a yard work day.

Mum came over after I took an early morning trip to one of the big box stores to get top soil for my garden. I ended up hauling 1600lbs of top soil around today. I'm really surprised I can move. :-)

We planted the bed along the fence that I dug out last week with shasta daisies, blackeyed susans and something that I don't know the name of. I'll have to hit up google later to try to find out what it is.

I still haven't planted my vegetable garden, but it is ready with a layer of cardboard and a layer of topsoil over it (to help keep the cardboard down). I use the cardboard to try to help keep the weeds out.

Tonight I have to figure out the layout for my veggie plot. And tomorrow morning, I plan to get up early and get the veggies in the ground. Then hopefully take a trip to the farmer's market.

We also finished the gate side bed along the house. It looks much better than it had.

This little fella came to visit while I was relaxing on the deck. He couldn't have been more than 5 feet away from me.

And this guy kept swooping around and watching me too. I wonder what he found so fascinating...

Blessings
~*~